Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

From tapdance to lapdance?

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A reader named Kelli, in Texas, writes, “Bob, I’m starting to enter serious beauty pageants, and I’m looking for something to perform in the talent portion. I was planning to twirl a baton while whistling ‘The Yellow Rose of Texas… ‘”

Well Kelli, that’s fine. But as we’re no longer living in the 1950s maybe you should be a bit more edgy.

Take this contestant in the Miss Universe Japan competition. Either her talent is¬†cardiopulmonary resuscitation, or else she did an actual lap dance onstage. There’s something you don’t see all the time.

I wasn’t sure this would be seen as proper, but I went to a site that tells about choosing your talent, and it said, “…anything you can perform onstage is acceptable.” If you’ve seen “Miss Saigon,” you know that doesn’t rule out very much.

Skimpy bikinis, lots to think about!

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Hey Blog Guy, it seems like you’re always sort of making fun of fashion models. Why don’t you just once listen to what they have¬†to say, and learn something?

That’s good advice. It so happens we have a video report on supermodel Bar Refaeli, who was the cover model for this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. She must have something to say, right?

Skinny Minnie and the pageant?

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Let’s face it, the human skeleton is a sexy thing. You take a bunch of bare bones, add a bikini, and you’ve got the makings of a beauty queen, right?

No, I don’t think so either, I just wanted to prepare readers for a controversy in Australia, where a contestant in the Miss Universe Australia pageant was 5’11″ tall but weighed only 108 pounds.

Very 17th century brothel, honey!

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Is it just me, or does anybody else notice something disturbing about these photos?

These shots are from a “wellness” fair in Romania, and sure, I have to make fun of the hairstyles because it’s the right thing to do. And no, the word “wellness” doesn’t seem to apply here at all.

Fashion models just hanging out?

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Earlier this week I did an item about a hot new fashion trend, dresses that leave one you-know-what exposed, so a woman has to cover it with her hand. I pointed out many flaws in this design, like if you’re left-handed it’s hard to take notes in algebra class and stuff like that.

But some readers were like, “Bob, that’s just one dress, it’s not a trend, so shut up.”

Good job on the lipstick, Zippy!

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Okay, fashion design staff, today’s the big show. Now remember, we got these models to sign some pretty specific release forms, so let’s make sure we do this right.

All of them agreed we could have a poorly-trained chimpanzee put their lipstick on, right? Good. That’ll save us some money.

Hey, look at that cute breadhead!

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Blog Guy, I heard the newest fashion fad is wearing bread on your head. Is that true?

Absolutely! At Milan Fashion Week, “head bread” was the toast of the show.

Extra grease on those onion rings!

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Blog Guy, we’ve all read a about how thin those haute couture models are. How do they keep themselves that way? Why aren’t they hungry?

Because they think they’re eating whatever they want.

Excuse me? How does that work?

Look at the photo below, taken backstage during Milan Fashion Week a couple of days ago. Those models are deciding what to order from the “Cheesy-Greasy Fry and Pie Pig-Out Model Menu.”

Put your mask and knife in the bin, Ma’am…

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Blog Guy, I’m a huge fan of super heroines and I’m wondering what else is on the horizon from that genre.

Plenty. There’s a good new season coming up. Here’s a publicity still from NBC’s “Amazon Woman!”

Lips the color of bug-splat on a windshield

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Mr, Johnson, the police are very grateful for your help, since you’re the only witness who has come forward about the murder.

May we please go over your description again? I can’t believe our sketch artist got it right.