Blog Guy, it’s that time of month again. What were the most popular postings in your blog? I have a lot of money riding on that one about using dead models in fashion shows. Am I right?

Car Pool Fool

You know, I still think you and your car pool pals should be betting on something other than this, or maybe even saving up in case your kids get into college. But I have to admit you may be pleased with the March results.

Here are the five most popular posts, starting with number five and working my way down to the top slot, like the big guys do it:

5. Why so crabby, Abby?

4. They don’t have enough problems?

3. When stupid guys try to deceive…

2. Proposing marriage not an outdoor sport

1. I wouldn’t be caught dead in that dress!

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Blog Guy, it’s time once again to find out what the most popular items were in your blog for this month.

As you know, my car pool bets heavily on this, especially in a month such as this, with no other high-profile competitions to take our action. Come on, give us the results and make me very rich!

Hmmmm. Maybe next year you guys should Google the Super Bowl and the Oscars. Anyway, the overwhelming reader favorite for February was Mercedes Man. Not only did he top the charts, he even beat an item on that other new superhero, Toothache Man.

Here are the results:

1. It’s Mercedes Man! Drop your guns!

2. Lady, the elevator door won’t close!

3. Movie? I’ll SHOW you a movie!

4. Your mouth is oily, I like that in a man!

5. Wear a warm hat…moms don’t lie

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Blog Guy, every month my car pool bets on what will be the most popular items in your blog.

Can you please give us the most popular postings for January? I’d like to collect my money in time for the weekend, and I’m positive it must have been “Hey boss, check out the milksop!”

You’re pretty sure of yourself, for somebody who writes in italics all the time. Actually, while I was quite proud of getting to use milksop, that one didn’t even make it into the top five. No, if you want to attract huge blog traffic, you put the word bathroom in the headline. Or else you mention Victoria’s Secret.

In January, readers went for these posts:

1. This bathroom door is just painted on!

2. Please tell me he’s wearing pants…

3. Your whole stomach came out your mouth, huh?

4. Sound of Music sequel: Nun With A Gun!

5. Wooly bully, it’s shear horror!

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Dear Blog Guy,

The people in my neighborhood have bookmarked our favorite posts from your blog, and we have weekly meetings to discuss them.

We’re having our year-end pot-luck dinner at my house on New Year’s Eve, and I just wondered if you have any information on the most popular posts of the year, so we can view them together on my big screen?

What a grand neighborhood, if it really exists. Where is it? No, don’t tell me, it’s better if I don’t know. With such good taste, it’s strange that you have no other plans for New Year’s Eve.

Anyway, I can tell you the five items in my blog that got the most traffic this year, and the results may surprise you. It’s hard to know what will attract readers, but here’s one useful thing I took away from this popular picture: it seems folks are sure interested in eyepatches!

Number 5: Freeze! Drop the knife! Nooooo, not there!
Number 4: Are Victoria’s Secret models turning shy?
Number 3: It’s a bra! It’s an eyepatch! It’s a bra! It’s an eyepatch!
Number 2: The most moronic thief that never was…

And, the number one most popular item in this blog in the past year was….

Soldiers totally fail to understand the concept of a hat…

This should give you and your neighbors plenty to talk about, if you actually have neighbors.

REUTERS photo by Philippe Wojazer

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I’m the reader who asked a few months ago what your most popular postings were.

We now keep a multimedia scrapbook, and reread your best stuff at family get-togethers. Can you update it with the best of November? It would mean a lot as relatives gather for the holidays.

Geez, Mom, this is embarrassing. There were some very popular items in the past 30 days, about such uplifting seasonal themes as stupid homemade submarines, buck-naked jogging pumpkin-heads, and vengeful flight attendants. Enjoy:

Gosh, this sub really dives fast!

I’m not naked, I’m wearing a pumpkin!

Escape is futile! Get a grip!

“I told you to SHARE the peanuts!”

Vitameatavegamin! It’s so tasty, too!

Hey, Blog Guy! It’s the end of another month. I recall that at the end of August, you listed the most popular items for that month - any way that can become a regular feature?

All my friends and neighbors would love it!

You know, buddy, writing in italics doesn’t make you any more believeable. Anybody can do that.  But yes, that best-of-August posting was very popular, so I’m doing it again, this time with the TEN most-read posts of September. Tell your friends and neighbors, if you really have any.

Flying cars not a total success

Wait boss, I’m not done contradicting you!

“I (your name here) lost my bearings…”

You! In the bikini! Move to the left!

Good luck on your autopsy, get well soon

When gravity becomes the bad news

Now, even better than casual Friday…

Let me guess - he’s sitting behind ME?

Introducing the waist-necklace?

Me? I thought YOU told her about bracelets!

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Blog Guy, our family keeps a list of our favorite postings in your blog. We read them over and over, and laugh until root beer comes out of our noses. We were just wondering if other readers have favorites, too?
The Johnsons

Okay, nobody believes for a moment that there’s a Johnson family that rereads this junk, but I am able to tell you the most popular posts.

Through the wonders of programs that, you know, count stuff, here are the most visited posts for August. You can make sure you didn’t miss any, so those Johnson kids won’t get ahead of your kids:

Are Victorias Secret models turning shy?
Not so fast, grasshopper!
Duct tape crime - can they make it stick?
Quick, Robin! To the gyrocopter!
Yes, Im a bikini major, minoring in poise

REUTERS photo by Mario Anzuoni