Blog Guy, I’ve noticed Reuters uses the word “reveler” quite often. I don’t know what that means.

Reveler is a useful noun with a variety of meanings:

1. Somebody who spills a jar of toothpicks on her head

2. A person who has difficulty eating corn-on-the-cob

3. A dude who is eaten alive by a crocodile

4. A guy who for some reason, possibly involving a lot of rum, thinks getting painted green is just a heck of a good idea

5. A chick who is carried away by a large white bird as she’s heading for the beach in her bikini

Thanks! It must have been difficult finding specific illustrations for each definition.

No, not really.

Happy birthday to Dr. Doll, a regular commenter here.

Revel without a pause, slideshow

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Above: A reveller of Portela samba school dances during the Carnival parade in Rio de Janeiro’s Sambadrome, February 24, 2009. REUTERS/Sergio Moraes

Below:Reveler in La Vega, Dominican Republic. REUTERS/Eduardo Munoz

Reveler in Barranquilla, Colombia. REUTERS/John Vizcaino

Reveler in Rio de Janeiro, REUTERS/Bruno Domingos

Reveler in Port-of-Spain, Trinidad and Tobago REUTERS/Jorge Silva

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Congratulate me, Blog Guy!

Why?

I enlisted in the Navy!

Awesome. Which one?

There’s more than one?

Sure. There’s the regular U.S. Navy, and then there’s the Victoria’s Secret Navy.They’re both recruiting now.

And the difference? I’m afraid to ask.

Well, you know about the regular navy. Ships, planes, attacks, torpedoes, surface-to-air missiles…  But in the OTHER navy, you mostly ride around on yachts filled with Victoria’s Secret lingerie supermodels, taking them to different places in the Caribbean, opening champagne, slathering tanning oil on them, stuff like that.

Jeez Louise! Is it too late for me to…

Yep.

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Victoria’s Secret models arrive on a yacht to the Fontainebleau resort in Miami Beach November 14, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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Memo to fashion show staff: Well, clearly I was wrong. I admit it was my bright idea to fire the backstage dressers and just have the models dress themselves for our show.

What a disaster that was! Herb forgot to wear trousers, he didn’t button his shirt, and his tie looked like the work of a serial strangler.

As for Mona,  well… Let’s just say she wore THREE pairs of underpants, and her bikini top looked great except she put it on over a t-shirt!

And while we’re on the subject of Mona, doesn’t she know she’s NOT supposed to purge her lunch out on the runway? We lost the entire front row of fashion editors! I’ll tell you, they won’t be back.

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Model display a creation at the GUT’S DYNAMITE CABARETS 2009 Spring/Summer collection fashion show during Japan Fashion Week in Tokyo, September 4, 2008. REUTERS/Michael Caronna

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Memo to sales staff: Okay, what do we do when our swimwear business is slow? We invent a brand-new piece of clothing that people never even knew they needed.

So, I’m proud to unveil the SHOULDER DOILY! Every woman is going to want one. These thick woolen garments will have you sweating like a pig under the hot sun, sending attractive rivulets of flop sweat cascading down your stomach. All the fun of a sauna, all day long!

And, they send a playful message: “Hey, Big Boy! I bought a bikini to expose a lot of flesh, and now I’m covering it up with this thing, so maybe I’m conflicted. Are you feeling lucky today?”

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A model walks the runway wearing Custo Barcelona creation by designer Custo Dalmau of Spain during ColombiaModa fashion show in Medellin July 31, 2008. REUTERS/Fredy Amariles

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Okay, you’ve had plenty of time to place your bets - which we don’t condone - so it’s time to reveal this blog’s most-read posts for July. There is no common thread except weirdness in general. It appears my readers have a healthy range of interests, from Hitler decapitations, to bikinis, to stupid fashions.

If you’re reading these results on a sandy beach using a wireless device, stand up now and shout, “Is everybody here a member of the Oddly Enough blog network?

5. I can text-message with my bosom!

4. Suddenly she recoiled in horror…

3. Attack of the 50-foot bikini model!

2. Just pull the trigger - aiming is overrated!

1. Big furore over waxy fuehrer

Most popular from past months

A model shows a creation from the label ‘Susanne Wiebe’ during ‘Fashionweek Berlin Spring Summer 2009 ‘ in Berlin, July 17, 2008.  REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz

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“See a female colossus… her mountainous torso, skyscraper limbs, giant desires!”

The year was 1958, and the big schlocko summer B-movie was “Attack of the 50-Foot Woman,” about this wife who grows to enormous size and goes after her cheating  husband. It was not a true story.

Fast-forward exactly half a century to 2008, and what I gather must be a remake of that movie, judging from the photo below. But unlike all those other stupid movie remakes I complain about, the time could be right for this one.

For women movie-goers it offers a tale of empowerment, social justice and vengeance against a pig husband. For guys, it offers, well, a hot Amazonian chick in a bikini and stiletto heels. Where are the drive-in movies when we really need them?

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Above: 1958 movie poster

Below: 6′5″ tall model Iwona poses with spectators in front of Potsdamer Platz square in a bikini by German designer Torsten Amft to promote his show at the upcoming Berlin Fashion Week in Berlin July 12, 2008.  REUTERS/ Hannibal Hanschke

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Memo to comic book staff: Okay, we all know it’s getting harder to create an original superhero. But this new one is just too lame. I mean, Flying Lingerie Lady?

Anybody can see this isn’t a costume, it’s just skimpy underwear and some kind of cheesy wings that look like they were made from from a bunch of Kleenex! Who the heck wants to see Flying Lingerie Lady fighting crime in her silly Kleenex wings?

What? Oh. Hmmm. It turns out we’ve already sold the movie rights for eight million bucks before the first issue even comes out. Never mind.

Related post: I’m Toothache Man! You know the drill!

A model wears a creation from Indian lingerie design label ‘About U’ during a fashion show in New Delhi June 25, 2008. REUTERS/Adnan Abidi

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From Scotland comes news that a fashion designer is selling bikinis made from salmon skin. I’m serious. I have to ask whether this is a great idea.

For starters, there’s the smell. No matter how sexy a bikini is, the lingering scent of Evening on Fisherman’s Wharf is not a turn-on for most guys.

There is also the danger factor, when a chick takes the bikini for a test run in the ocean. You look up salmon predators online, and up pop things like sharks, lamprey eels and 700-pound sea lions. Watching a woman emerge from the water with a big, sucking, lamprey dangling from her stomach is not a vacation highlight in my book.

But there just may be an upside. Salmon predators also include large, persistent birds who swoop from nowhere and won’t take no for an answer. “My God, Tiffany! That condor is pulling at your bikini - for your own safety, just let him have it!”

Related post: News is skimpy on the bikini beat

A model poses in a salmon-skin bikini from Chilean fashion designer Claudia Escobar’s luxury clothing line in this undated handout photograph.

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Memo to Fashion Show Staff: We need to pay attention to every detail  of  these shows, and frankly, I’m worried about our swimsuit presentation.

The guests are here for entertainment. What are we giving them? Nothing but some drop-dead gorgeous blond models in skimpy bikinis. We just haven’t thought this through!

Work with me on this. What if we get a bunch of water sprinkling cans, and paint them with nice little flowers, and have the models carry them! So, people can have a quick look at the swimsuits, and then focus on the cans, and they won’t get bored! Who’s with me on this?

More posts about models

A model presents a swimsuit during a fashion show in Budapest April 17, 2008. REUTERS/Karoly Arvai

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Blog Guy, I’m very interested in how news is covered. Let’s say you hear about something new. How do you cover it?

Well, let’s take news from Victoria’s Secret. It turns out they’re going to be selling their swimsuits in stores, instead of just online and in catalogs. This is big news, because with summer coming, women are facing a shortage of places to buy beach wear. Some cities are down to their last four or five thousand shops!

I hear you. That IS a big story, especially with online and catalog shopping being so tough. So then, you would send a reporter to learn more about this and write a story, huh?

Are you stupid? No! We’d send a photographer to shoot the swimsuit models! Heck, another major news organization sent TWO photographers on this story!

Other posts about Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret model Marisa Miller (2nd R) poses with models during a store appearance at the Victoria’s Secret store in New York April 2, 2008. Victoria’s Secret announced they will be selling their swimwear collection in stores nationwide. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

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