From Scotland comes news that a fashion designer is selling bikinis made from salmon skin. I’m serious. I have to ask whether this is a great idea.

For starters, there’s the smell. No matter how sexy a bikini is, the lingering scent of Evening on Fisherman’s Wharf is not a turn-on for most guys.

There is also the danger factor, when a chick takes the bikini for a test run in the ocean. You look up salmon predators online, and up pop things like sharks, lamprey eels and 700-pound sea lions. Watching a woman emerge from the water with a big, sucking, lamprey dangling from her stomach is not a vacation highlight in my book.

But there just may be an upside. Salmon predators also include large, persistent birds who swoop from nowhere and won’t take no for an answer. “My God, Tiffany! That condor is pulling at your bikini - for your own safety, just let him have it!”

Related post: News is skimpy on the bikini beat

A model poses in a salmon-skin bikini from Chilean fashion designer Claudia Escobar’s luxury clothing line in this undated handout photograph.

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Memo to Fashion Show Staff: We need to pay attention to every detail  of  these shows, and frankly, I’m worried about our swimsuit presentation.

The guests are here for entertainment. What are we giving them? Nothing but some drop-dead gorgeous blond models in skimpy bikinis. We just haven’t thought this through!

Work with me on this. What if we get a bunch of water sprinkling cans, and paint them with nice little flowers, and have the models carry them! So, people can have a quick look at the swimsuits, and then focus on the cans, and they won’t get bored! Who’s with me on this?

More posts about models

A model presents a swimsuit during a fashion show in Budapest April 17, 2008. REUTERS/Karoly Arvai

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I’m very interested in how news is covered. Let’s say you hear about something new. How do you cover it?

Well, let’s take news from Victoria’s Secret. It turns out they’re going to be selling their swimsuits in stores, instead of just online and in catalogs. This is big news, because with summer coming, women are facing a shortage of places to buy beach wear. Some cities are down to their last four or five thousand shops!

I hear you. That IS a big story, especially with online and catalog shopping being so tough. So then, you would send a reporter to learn more about this and write a story, huh?

Are you stupid? No! We’d send a photographer to shoot the swimsuit models! Heck, another major news organization sent TWO photographers on this story!

Other posts about Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret model Marisa Miller (2nd R) poses with models during a store appearance at the Victoria’s Secret store in New York April 2, 2008. Victoria’s Secret announced they will be selling their swimwear collection in stores nationwide. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

More stuff from Oddly Enough

“Connie, we have a huge problem. Some of the models are complaining that our outfits are too stupid-looking to wear in the fashion show. One of them said you want her to go out in a bikini, patterned stockings, boots, gloves, a jewelled purse and necklace. That does sound kind of lame to me…

“Well Connie, if they won’t show up, that’s it. I mean, you can’t drag them out there locked in cages, can you? Can you imagine what the blog headlines would say? Connie? Connie!”

A model displays a creation from Koyo William Cheung’s Fall/Winter 2008 collection during Hong Kong Fashion Week January 16, 2008. REUTERS/Victor Fraile

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog

Okay, I enjoy lame as much as the next guy, but sometimes there needs to be a line in the sand. An appropriate expression, by the way, because the subject here is a beach.

To qualify for a Guinness world record, somebody got 1,010 bikini-clad women together on a beach in Australia. Does that strike you as being difficult at all? I mean, women in bikinis! Where else are they going to be?

What’s next in this person’s relentless quest for the impossible? Seeing how many dark suits he can find at the FBI? Counting Krispy Kreme doughnuts at NYPD Headquarters?

Well, I’m personally limiting my coverage of this “event” to just my blog posting, a slideshow, and some video footage. Enough is enough.

More Oddly Enough Blog

Women dressed in bikinis pose for a photographer on Sydney’s Bondi Beach September 26, 2007. REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

Blog Guy, our family keeps a list of our favorite postings in your blog. We read them over and over, and laugh until root beer comes out of our noses. We were just wondering if other readers have favorites, too?
The Johnsons

Okay, nobody believes for a moment that there’s a Johnson family that rereads this junk, but I am able to tell you the most popular posts.

Through the wonders of programs that, you know, count stuff, here are the most visited posts for August. You can make sure you didn’t miss any, so those Johnson kids won’t get ahead of your kids:

Are Victorias Secret models turning shy?
Not so fast, grasshopper!
Duct tape crime - can they make it stick?
Quick, Robin! To the gyrocopter!
Yes, Im a bikini major, minoring in poise

REUTERS photo by Mario Anzuoni

Blog guy, I’ve been reading your advice about things such as belly dancing, contortionism, snake handling, voluntary mutilation and other respected careers, and I’m wondering if you could suggest some areas of study that I might not have considered?

Have you thought about the field of competitive beauty pageantry? We have some photos from a “school” in Bolivia that prepares young women for a long and rewarding career of tiara-wearing. If you can smile for no reason whatsoever, and your name ends in an “i” even though it probably shouldn’t - Bambi, Brandi, Randi, Candi, etc. - you may have royal potential. Think about it.

More Oddly Enough Blog

Models receive instruction in etiquette from a teacher at Producciones Gloria beauty school in Santa Cruz August 8, 2007. Producciones Gloria is Bolivia’s leading school for beauty contestants and models, and prepares girls from Paraguay as well. REUTERS/David Mercado

It’s our job to spot absurd trends, so you don’t have to worry about them.  Recently we’ve blogged about a carwash featuring topless women, a butler service that supplies scantily clad hunks to serve at your parties… And now, women to mow your lawn in bikinis.

The bikini lawn-mowers already plan a leaf service for the fall, so where will this trend go next?

Pest control chicks who wear lingerie to empty your rat traps? Carry-out food delivery boys in Speedos? Cable guys who wear their bluejeans really low? Oh wait, that might actually have started the trend in the first place.  John Decker reports:

More Oddly Enough Blog

It’s one of those social dilemmas we all face these days, in in our busy, busy lives. Velma needs to put in a day at the conservative think tank where she works, but afterwards she wants to go straight to the beach, while there’s still some sun. What to do, what to do?

Well, this clever outfit, seen at a genuine fashion show, is a lifesaver.  The collar and tie satisfy even the most traditional office dress codes, but Velma can still hit the waves without skipping a beat, and who’s to notice that her business attire was really a thinly-disguised bikini? One question: what does the casual Friday version look like?

More Oddly Enough Blog

A model wears a swimwear outfit from the collection of Ashley Paige during the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week show in Miami Beach July 13, 2007.   REUTERS/Hans Deryk  

Okay, nobody seems to think it’s bizarre that a model at a swimwear fashion show in Budapest struts out in a bikini, a garter and gun?

What kind of beaches do they have over there in Hungary, anyway? Because, call me a weenie if you want, but I kind of like to relax in resorts where a big Super Soaker is about the most dangerous thing around.

And besides, people who opt for this swimwear need to realize they’re going to have some pretty strange, pretty incriminating tan lines the next day.

Oddly Enough Blog

A model presents swimwear during a fashion show in Budapest, April 19, 2007. REUTERS/Laszlo Balogh