Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Anchors Away, lingerie!

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Congratulate me, Blog Guy!

Why?

I enlisted in the Navy!

Awesome. Which one?

There’s more than one?

Sure. There’s the regular U.S. Navy, and then there’s the Victoria’s Secret Navy.They’re both recruiting now.

And the difference? I’m afraid to ask.

Well, you know about the regular navy. Ships, planes, attacks, torpedoes, surface-to-air missiles…  But in the OTHER navy, you mostly ride around on yachts filled with Victoria’s Secret lingerie supermodels, taking them to different places in the Caribbean, opening champagne, slathering tanning oil on them, stuff like that.

Jeez Louise! Is it too late for me to…

Yep.

Earn a high school diploma. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Victoria’s Secret models arrive on a yacht to the Fontainebleau resort in Miami Beach November 14, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

More stuff from Oddly Enough

When models dress themselves

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fashion-dynamite-face-140.jpgMemo to fashion show staff: Well, clearly I was wrong. I admit it was my bright idea to fire the backstage dressers and just have the models dress themselves for our show.

What a disaster that was! Herb forgot to wear trousers, he didn’t button his shirt, and his tie looked like the work of a serial strangler.

Honey, I NEED a shoulder doily!

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shoulder-180.jpgMemo to sales staff: Okay, what do we do when our swimwear business is slow? We invent a brand-new piece of clothing that people never even knew they needed.

So, I’m proud to unveil the SHOULDER DOILY! Every woman is going to want one. These thick woolen garments will have you sweating like a pig under the hot sun, sending attractive rivulets of flop sweat cascading down your stomach. All the fun of a sauna, all day long!

Tops for July: from waxy Hitler to texty bosom…

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Okay, you’ve had plenty of time to place your bets – which we don’t condone – so it’s time to reveal this blog’s most-read posts for July. There is no common thread except weirdness in general. It appears my readers have a healthy range of interests, from Hitler decapitations, to bikinis, to stupid fashions.

If you’re reading these results on a sandy beach using a wireless device, stand up now and shout, “Is everybody here a member of the Oddly Enough blog network?

Attack of the 50-foot bikini model!

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attack-140.jpgSee a female colossus… her mountainous torso, skyscraper limbs, giant desires!”

The year was 1958, and the big schlocko summer B-movie was Attack of the 50-Foot Woman,” about this wife who grows to enormous size and goes after her cheating  husband. It was not a true story.

Look! It’s Flying Kleenex Lingerie Lady!

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fashion-lingerie-crop-160.jpgMemo to comic book staff: Okay, we all know it’s getting harder to create an original superhero. But this new one is just too lame. I mean, Flying Lingerie Lady?

Anybody can see this isn’t a costume, it’s just skimpy underwear and some kind of cheesy wings that look like they were made from from a bunch of Kleenex! Who the heck wants to see Flying Lingerie Lady fighting crime in her silly Kleenex wings?

Salmon-chanted evening…

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salmon-horiz-180.jpgFrom Scotland comes news that a fashion designer is selling bikinis made from salmon skin. I’m serious. I have to ask whether this is a great idea.

For starters, there’s the smell. No matter how sexy a bikini is, the lingering scent of Evening on Fisherman’s Wharf is not a turn-on for most guys.

Get your can out on the runway!

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cans-2-180.jpgMemo to Fashion Show Staff: We need to pay attention to every detail  of  these shows, and frankly, I’m worried about our swimsuit presentation.

The guests are here for entertainment. What are we giving them? Nothing but some drop-dead gorgeous blond models in skimpy bikinis. We just haven’t thought this through!

News is skimpy on the bikini beat

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victoria-2-160.jpgBlog Guy, I’m very interested in how news is covered. Let’s say you hear about something new. How do you cover it?

Well, let’s take news from Victoria’s Secret. It turns out they’re going to be selling their swimsuits in stores, instead of just online and in catalogs. This is big news, because with summer coming, women are facing a shortage of places to buy beach wear. Some cities are down to their last four or five thousand shops!

Pouting bikini models behind bars…

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“Connie, we have a huge problem. Some of the models are complaining that our outfits are too stupid-looking to wear in the fashion show. One of them said you want her to go out in a bikini, patterned stockings, boots, gloves, a jewelled purse and necklace. That does sound kind of lame to me…

“Well Connie, if they won’t show up, that’s it. I mean, you can’t drag them out there locked in cages, can you? Can you imagine what the blog headlines would say? Connie? Connie!”