Blog Guy, I just read a great Travel and Leisure magazine article titled “Top Travel Websites of 2009,” and do you KNOW what I found?

Yes. My blog is mentioned there, and by the magazine’s Executive Editor, no less.

Well Bob, don’t get me wrong, and congratulations, but… What would happen if people planned a vacation using YOUR blog?

My lawyer says they would have a pretty good legal case against me. But if you think about it, I have a TRAVEL tag, and offer a veritable cesspool of useful travel information you won’t find anywhere else.

I’ve exposed the so-called gyrocopter, bad budget airlines in Tibet and other cheap flight plans. I’ve written about the most important travel concern of all, foreign toilets.

I’ve tipped off readers to spots they might never know about, like the statue to enemas, the penis museum of Iceland, Zebra Land, the “other” Taj Mahal, travel packages to Hannibal Lecter’s hometown….

Heck, I’ve even warned you about the Hell on Earth list.

For foodies, I’ve covered bull’s penis and testicles in Bolivia, the blood soup bistro in Vietnam, South Korean shrimp cracker snacks, and that little place where the head chef makes, well, heads…

Since it seems to be an important factor for lots of my readers, I’ve even offered lists of travel spots where they’re sure not to run into ME, like the You Must be Joking tourist site and the Don’t Wait for me out on the Ledge destination…

And for anyone who STILL doubts my contribution to contemporary travel, five words: Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop!

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Obscure headline reference: 1950s TV show “Have Gun Will Travel“

Photos: Bikinis on an Australian beach, the gyrocopter, and riding in Hefei…

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Lamar, you mark my words, tonight is a turning point in our luck with the babes.

But it don’t make sense, Clancy. Why would professional models date guys like us?

I don’t know, but my friend says they worked the Paris Fashion Week, and they’re coming here straight from the show. You don’t get to be a model unless you’re hot!  So just chill, Lamar, I’ll let you know when I see them coming… OH MY LORD!

Holy crap, Clancy! They’re zombies! And not the attractive kind! It’s a festering skankfest of brain-eaters!

Well Lamar, that’s just two of ‘em. There’s supposed to be a third, and she’s gotta be better than that. When she gets here, she’s MINE!

Forget it, Clancy, she’s MINE!

I swear I’ll kill you with this salad fork, Lamar! Number three is MINE!

Um, Clancy. Don’t turn around. Okay, you win, number three is all yours…

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Above: Models present creations by British fashion designer Vivienne Westwood as part of her Spring/Summer 2010 collection during Paris Fashion Week, October 2, 2009.

Below: A model presents a creation by British designer John Galliano as part of his Spring/Summer 2010 women’s collection for Cacharel house during Paris Fashion Week, October 7, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Jacky Naegelen

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Blog Guy, I heard there was some kind of financial disaster involving your Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop.

It’s horrible. We spent a huge portion of our 2009 acquisition budget for the photo on the right of comedian Jerry Lewis mugging in Cannes this week. We were told this was the only Jerry Lewis goofy face shot in existence.

And that isn’t true?

What do you think? It turns out that’s all this guy does. You lift a camera within a mile of him, his tongue flops out like he’s on Novocaine.

As far as I can tell, over the last decade he hasn’t made one serious face. Not at funerals, tax audits, not even at “Marley and Me.”

I’m so sorry. How are you going to make up your loss?

Don’t tell anyone, but we have an inside track on buying Jim Carrey’s only known goofy face photo. Our future is riding on this.

It’s not as bad as you’ve heard. join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: Comedian Jerry Lewis arrives on the red carpet for the screening of the film “Bright Star” by director Jane Campion at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival, May 15, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

Below: Assorted Jerry Lewis goofy faces by Reuters photographers.

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Photos courtesy of Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop

It’s time again for our popular feature called Stuff Maybe We Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t. We’re told that this designated Swiss defense minister is in his hometown, being congratulated by chimney sweepers.

What? Cripes, I live in a whole neighborhood of Victorian homes festooned with fireplaces, and I’ve never seen this many chimney sweepers together at one time.

What did this guy do, go to a chimney sweeper bar? If you’re a bar owner, would you opt for an after-work crowd of guys with soot from head to toe, leaving their ashy imprints on the pretzel bowl and everything?

“Gents! It’s great to be home again! I’d have come sooner, but I had the flue! Get it?

“Bartender, make me a Burning Santa, and turn on the TV! It’s SWEEPS week!

“Yeah, I got a million chimney jokes! Stick around, boys!’

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Chimney sweepers congratulate designated Swiss Defense Minister Ueli Maurer during a visit to his hometown Hinwil, east of Zurich, December 18, 2008. REUTERS/ Arnd Wiegmann

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May we talk openly? We all know the fashion industry has a history of discrimination against designs by a certain specific group of people. Don’t even try to deny it.

Which is why it’s a great step forward that a major fashion show finally accepted creations from that group, namely 14-year-old boys who enjoy science fiction.

While it’s true that the first 462 designs submitted by the boys were totally inappropriate - and, okay, illegal in 22 states - the panel did allow the two outfits below.

Asked whether they expect their creations to be popular, one 14-year-old designer said, “We don’t care, we just wanna make stuff for those chicks on ‘Battlestar Galactica!’”

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Tricia Helfer, of Battlestar Galactica, in 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Gus Ruelas

A model presents a creation by Portuguese designer Fatima Lopes as part of her Spring/ Summer 2009 women’s ready-to-wear fashion collection show in Paris, September 27, 2008. REUTERS/Benoit Tessier

A model presents a creation by British designer John Galliano in Paris, September 29, 2008. REUTERS/Charles Platiau

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Quick quiz: The guy in this photo is saying…

“Hi! Looks like we’re seatmates all the way to Tokyo!” 

“You don’t mind if I fly naked, do ya Bob?

“You take the middle seat. Sometimes I have to get to the lavatory REAL fast!”

“Bob, those bloggers make me CRAZY! I’d love to get my hands on one! So what do YOU do?

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Meir Ezra prepares before competing in the Mr. Israel bodybuiding contest in Tel Aviv August 30, 2008. REUTERS /Sharon Perry

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Dear Patty, I’m afraid Mom has had another setback in the area of hallucinating.

She has been doing so well, but today at breakfast she dropped her fork, crawled over to the next booth to get it, and claimed she saw the Obamas and the Bidens. Like all they have to do with their time is have waffles and patty sausages here at the Yankee Kitchen!

You may disagree, Patty, but I consider this to be even worse than last month, when she saw all four Beatles over there at Applebee’s!

Anyways, we wouldn’t play along with her. Doc told us to just ignore her, and she’ll soon stop making up this hogwash!

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A woman kneels to get her picture taken beside the table of the Obamas and the Bidens at Yankee Kitchen Family Restaurant, during a campaign stop in Boardman, Ohio, August 30, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Blog Guy, I’ve heard there’s this town someplace that’s completely run by dogs. Could this possibly be true?

Yes, indeed. The dogs were given several acres of wooded land about five years ago, as an experiment to see what they could accomplish.

That’s amazing! So what was the result?

Well, it seems like eating and sleeping were the only things on their to-do list.

I don’t think you’re being fair. Show me some pictures of their downtown!

That’s what you’re seeing here. The rest of the town isn’t this up-market. Of course, the dogs say they’ve done a lot more than a bunch of cats would have. They also say they can make tourists very, very happy, if they ever get any.

Related, sort of: Mutt-mobile: can Spot design your car?

Rescue dogs rest before training as part of the Olympic Rescue Dog Team at a fire-fighting base in Beijing June 5, 2008. REUTERS/Claro Cortes IV

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Quick quiz: In this photo, a cadet is…

• playing the oldest practical joke in the book: “It’s for you, Mr. President!”
• helping Bush leave a voice mail drafting Scott McClellan.
• having Bush call his Latin professor a “big fat poo-poo head”
• dumping his fiancée by having Bush say, “I need Ernie for a secret mission!”

President George Bush talks on cellphone handed to him by a cadet during Air Force Academy graduation in Colorado Springs, Colorado May 28, 2008. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

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Recently I told you about Friedrich Schiller, the famous German writer. Folks dug up a skull they thought was his, and then 100 years later they dug up another and debated which one was really him.

Then they dug up the remains of his son and grandson for DNA comparisons, and dug up the grandson’s WIFE, because once you start digging up skulls, it’s so hard to stop.

Well. Scientists have finished testing, and I can tell you which was Schiller. NEITHER one! Yes, those dudes exhumed several generations of Schillers, their spouses, pets, neighbors and proctologists, just to amass a stack of skulls belonging to no one in particular.

So now they have a huge supply of Certified Nobody Skulls which I’m guessing will show up soon on eBay. I just hope they’ve learned a valuable lesson: when famous people die, decapitate them on the spot and save a lot of Sturm und Drang later.

One of the skulls that isn’t Schiller’s is tested. REUTERS/ Handout/MDR

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