Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I’ve read that some pandas are being reintroduced into the wild. This fascinates me, but I worry that panda cubs raised around humans won’t be able to adapt.
That’s not an issue. All the humans these cubs come in contact with are dressed as pandas.
I’m trying to be serious here for just a minute, Blog Guy.
I’m not making this up. See, here are “researchers” in China, taking care “to ensure that the cub’s environment is devoid of human influence.”
I gather the panda costumes totally fool the cubs, who don’t notice that these adults walk upright, speak a tonal language and take frequent cigarette breaks.
Don’t tell anybody, but this was a pretty easy year for me.
Even though I write for a Serious News Organization, as a humor blogger I’m allowed to invent strange stuff because I don’t fool anybody, and it’s cheaper than giving me a travel budget.
But in 2010 I was blessed with so many great and goofy TRUE stories, I hardly had to use my imagination at all.
Blog Guy, I’ve been reading that two men accused of espionage for Libya are on trial in Germany. Are you covering it?
Yes, but privacy laws in the German courts are very strict, as we’ve seen before.
Blog Guy, did you read about the problem with that brand-new rug in the Oval Office, with the great American quotes woven along the edge?
Yes, you’re talking about the embarrassing error over one of the quotes:
“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice,” is attributed to Martin Luther King, Jr. on the rug, but it turns out King was quoting Theodore Parker, a 19th century abolitionist and Unitarian minister.
Hey Blog Guy, you obviously know a lot about language. I just heard a strange expression, “As dumb as an Italian hunter.” What does that even mean?
It means incredibly dumb, is what it means. At least 17 people have been killed recently in hunting accidents in the mountains and forests of northern Italy, six of them in a single 48-hour period.
Blog Guy, I may have the strangest fashion request ever.
I doubt that. I’ve heard it all.
We shall see. My friends and I are World War I spies, um, in the Balkans. Yeah, that’s right, the Balkans.
Wait a minute. That’s almost 100 years ago. How are you talking to me?
Is complicated. There is no time. Please, it is urgent. Where can we find 1914 fashions in your world today?
Blog Guy, the company I work for is having one of those motivational retreats for employees. We’ll face up to our fears, grow as a person, stuff like that. Have you ever been to one of those?
Yeah, I’ve been to a few. For a long time I had a very low opinion of them. I saw them only as corporate bull. Time-wasting, jargon-slinging crapfests for losers who can’t think for themselves.
Jeez, I couldn’t make this news stuff up, even if they paid me a lot more than they do.
There is a serious drug war going on down in Mexico. Images of gruesome decapitations, charred and tortured bodies hanging from bridges, and brazen daytime shoot-outs are commonplace in the media.