Models are seductive, pouty, playful… And this season we are seeing a new emotion: rage. Does this model make you want to buy the dress? She makes me want to crawl to the panic room and bolt the door. 

“Relax, Velma, it’s only hypnosis. Those people in the audience are all laughing at you. They wonder why you let some guy calling himself ‘Hannibal Laguna‘ send you out looking like Morticia  Addams. Why didn’t you get a pretty dress, Velma? And you know that Cinnabon you wanted at breakfast? Hannibal Laguna said, “Models don’t get Cinnabons,” and then he ate it himself.

“But Velma, you won’t remember any of this until a small black feather drops onto your elbow. Then, Velma, it’s payback time…”

Model displays a creation by Hannibal Laguna during the Pasarela Cibeles Autumn/Winter 08-09 fashion week in Madrid February 15, 2008. REUTERS/ Susana Vera

More stuff from Oddly Enough Blog

Blog Guy, I was so very interested in your recent Clone on the Throne? debate over whether the first  Queen Elizabeth may have a clone who is alive today. 

I have written a similar book, about the cloning of author Mark Twain. It will be published this spring under the title “Making Your Mark,” and I expect it to ignite heated controversy. 

Good to know. The Elizabeth post really did attract interest and comments, so if this is something my readers are interested in, I’m there. 

Please, everyone, be on the lookout for signs that folks from the history books may have clones walking around today. In addition to Elizabeth I, Mark Twain and Mamie Eisenhower I now have a reported sighting of Genghis Khan showing up as a weekend TV weatherman in Indianapolis.  Keep ‘em coming!

More stuff from Oddly Enough Blog

Cast member Donald Sutherland poses at the premiere of “Fool’s Gold” at the Grauman’s Chinese theatre in Hollywood, California January 30, 2008. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni  

Hey, Blog Guy - I know you’re a history buff and I’d like your opinion.

I’m reading that runaway best-seller, “Tudor in a Tube.” It speculates that England’s first Queen Elizabeth, who died in 1603, was cloned a few years ago, and that the clone is being raised to wrest control of the monarchy from the current queen, as part of a plot against Prince Charles. Could this be true?

That is a very good question and of course this is the subject of several recent books.

I personally prefer the more scholarly work “Clone on the Throne?” but the basic idea is the same. I don’t know for sure if it’s true, but my own thinking is that a real Elizabeth clone won’t be hard to spot if she shows her face in public, so keep your eyes wide open.

A model presents a creation for Anna Sui’s 2008/2009 Fall/Winter collection during New York Fashion Week February 6, 2008. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog

Dear Blog Guy: Help! Today in New York I spotted three nice-looking women. I was too shy to introduce myself, but now I wish I had. They seemed extremely natural and unaffected.

They laughed a lot, so I’m guessing they are quite witty. One poked her cheek like it was numb, and another tapped her teeth, so maybe they just came from the dentist, if that helps. They also blew kisses for no apparent reason, so they could be trying to overcome shyness.

Why oh why did I let them out of my sight! Can you help?

Sorry, I need more to go on. New York City is a big place. Do you happen to remember if you saw them in a particular store?

Victoria’s Secret Angels (L-R) Selita Ebanks, Izabel Goulart and Karolina Kurkova pose together during a store appearance in New York February 7, 2008. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog

Memo to fashion show staff: I’m sorry, but times are hard. We need to cut costs any way we can.

We’re hiring a raccoon who studied as a make-up artist. Now, don’t be so negative! It’s only make-up, how hard can it be? Plus, when she’s not working, she can wash food in the cafeteria. We’re also getting a monkey to do hair. He only knows one style, but we can live with that.

If this works we’ll save a fortune, and I have other good ideas, as well. Two words for you to think about: haute couture and chimpanzees!

Related: Models in witness protection and You’ve never done makeup?

Models present creations for Monique Lhuillier’s 2008/2009 Fall/Winter collection during New York Fashion Week February 5, 2008. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog

“Hello, I’m looking for a new bed for my six-year-old daughter.”

“Yes ma’am, I recommend this model, the Lolita…”

Excuse me? Yes, in my favorite ODD story of 2008, a shopping chain has stopped selling a child’s bed named Lolita after enraged parents pointed out that the name was synonymous with sexually active preteens. The retailer said its staff had not been aware of the connotation until, um, they looked it up on Wikipedia. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ma’am, I’m afraid the Lolita is no longer for sale. Instead, might I suggest some other popular models, Jezebel, Hussy, Strumpet, Trollop, N ymphet…”

Stars of the film “Lolita,” Dominique Swain and Frank Langella, at the Beverly Hills premiere in a 1998 file photo.  REUTERS/Fred Prouser

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog

Memo to fashion show staff:

I should have been more specific, I guess. I did say my vision for this creation required a model with color in her face and a flower in her teeth, but I meant fiery cheeks and a perfect red rose clenched in her inviting lips.

I did NOT want you to hire a model currently suffering from jaundice, and jam a freaking daisy in her mouth!

I am just so VERY grateful this communication problem was discovered before tomorrow’s show, where I requested a model with smoldering eyes and flaming hair…

A model presents a creation by Italian design house Gattinoni during a Rome Fashion Week Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2008 show January 27, 2008. REUTERS/Chris Helgren

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog

Blog guy, I know you’ve given a lot of good career advice, helping to steer recent college grads away from bad jobs, so I’m wondering if you’ve seen rock bottom. I mean, a career path that is worse than all the awful ones you’ve warned us about.

You mean, one where I think wow, if that dude took a job looking down gun barrels or putting snakes in his mouth it would be a promotion? Yes, that would be Fernando Aguirre, an Osama bin Laden look-alike.

Wow! I see what you mean! And where does he work?

He patrols the most dangerous slums of Bogota, Colombia, and reports small crimes to police.

He does what? Yikes! Still, I see in the picture he carries a pretty wicked rifle.

Yeah. It’s a toy. I’m not making this up. Here’s a slideshow of Fernando on the “job” and here is a video report…

Fernando Aguirre, locally known as Osama Bin Laden, patrols a slum in Bogota January 17, 2008. REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog

It’s time again to unveil the latest outfits that well-dressed police decoys will wear as they try to entice criminals. This one is ingenious, designed to set up this season’s opening line of choice:

“Good morrow, what say you? I hail from Elizabethan times! What year is it, good sir, and do people still value the gold sovereigns that overflow my pockets?”

For a look at other recent decoy fashions, check these out:

Say, can you direct me to the ruffians?
And, for the well-dressed police decoy…
“Hi, I’m your Internet date!”

Model presents a creation by British designer John Galliano as part of his Fall/Winter 2008/09 men’s ready-to-wear fashion collection at Paris Fashion Week, January 18, 2008. REUTERS/Benoit Tessier

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog

Welcome to today’s episode of “Fun With Statistics.” A widely-reported story tells us that two out of three Australian travelers are members of the Mile High Club, or would like to be members.

Pretty amazing, huh? Oh, wait. Doesn’t that cross the line between reality and fantasy, by lumping people who would like to have sex in a plane, together with those who actually have had it? If that’s how we’re going to play, prepare to be dazzled by my blog’s exclusive survey results:

• 72 percent of women have been the Queen of England, or would like to be.
• 62 percent of us have run a really bad driver off the road, or else said at some point, “Why, I ought to run that jerk off the road!”
• 84 percent of all Americans have walked on the moon, or enjoyed a Dilly Bar.

Hey, this is fun! And that Zogby polling guy makes it sound so darned complicated…

Journalist inspects double bed first class suite during media tour of the Airbus A380 superjumbo, in 2007 file photo. REUTERS/ Vivek Prakash

More stuff from the Oddly Enough Blog