Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, say you could do anything you wanted to Donald Trump. What would it be? Go wild.
What a fun game! Um, I’m seeing him driven around for days in a Mini Cooper, all covered with itchy poison ivy and listening to the “Complete Works of Salmon Rushdie” via Books on Tape.
Frankly Blog Guy, I expected something more creative from you.
Gosh. I’m sorry. Okay, I’ve got it. All he gets to eat, for a solid month…..
Let me stop you, Blog Guy. It can’t involve brussels sprouts because you’ve already used them recently for a cheap laugh.
Okay, we have this etiquette story that purports to offer tips on how to eat properly “if you are seeking to impress the boss or potential client.”
But judging from the level of the advice, it can only be aimed at folks who haven’t quite evolved to the level of pigs at a trough. You will think I am making these things up, but I am NOT. Among our helpful tips:
The crew of a Basler BT-67 fixed wing aircraft releases oil dispersant over an oil discharge from the mobile offshore drilling unit, Deepwater Horizon, off the shore of Louisiana, in this May 5, 2010 photograph. REUTERS/Stephen Lehmann/U.S. Coast Guard/handout
Blog Guy! You won’t BELIEVE what I just saw! There was a picture of an airplane helping clean up after that oil accident in Louisiana, and the caption said it was a….
Blog Guy, you said the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop was having some kind of a gala formal affair where you give out awards and stuff. What happened with that?
It’s coming. We only just found our Prom Queen, Hulga, the perfect young lady to reign at this great event along with Lamar, our longtime Goofmeister.
It is dusk in the cabin. The door opens and a brawny lumberjack enters the bedroom, tossing his mighty ax in the corner.
He gazes at a sultry young woman in the bed. She is clad only in flannel pajamas, woolen mittens and a hat with fur earflaps pulled down.
Blog Guy, don’t you have a vacation coming up? I guess as a top travel writer you must know all the best destinations.
Yeah, I had been thinking about Dublin or Edinburgh, but then I read a travel piece called Travel Postcard: 48 hours in Luanda, Angola, and it totally sold me on going there.
Blog Guy, it seems like mostly you write about jobs to avoid. How about some positive career advice? Aren’t there any GREAT jobs out there?
You bet, and here I’m talking especially to you men. Every major fashion show employs a Chest Checker, and if you can score one of these jobs, you’re set for life.
Now and then an idea comes along that is so bad, it deserves a place in the Bad Idea Hall of Fame. Maybe you remember such brainstorms as the hotel bed-warming service, the “marriage hunting bra,” the plan to get civil servants to mingle with the public…
But I digress. From the UK comes news that workers in an office have been given a 10-minute limit in the toilet. A hidden sensor switches off the toilet light when their time is finished, even if they aren’t.
“Funny story, Hillary. Yesterday I found a secret stash in one of the White House cabinets that they said hadn’t been used since you and Bill lived there….
“I mean, this was some twisted stuff! I’m talking about a 1.75 liter bottle of creme de menthe, an old VHS set of the entire “Yogi Bear” cartoon series, an ‘I’M WITH STUPID’ t-shirt, a case of Hostess Twinkies…”
I should warn you, I’m kind of emotional today. See, I’m adopted, and I just got a report from a private detective who has tracked down my biological parents after all these years. You can imagine my feelings as I read it.
Hmmm. It says BOTH of my parents were models, which might explain my interest in fashion.