Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, Where can I buy used underpants belonging to a major drug trafficker?
You mean Lollipop?
Yes. I can see you really know your drug traffickers. Anyway, thousands of people clamored to buy his stuff. I’m not sure how smart that was, though. Sure, Lollipop is spending 30 years in prison, but what do you think he’ll do if he breaks out, which can happen in Brazil?
Uh, track down his underwear and the filthy pond scum who bought it?
Bingo. That’s what I’d do.
(U.S. State Department handout)
Underwear that belonged to Juan Carlos Ramirez Abadia, alias Lollipop, for sale among confiscated items. April 8, 2008. REUTERS/Rickey Rogers
Well, let’s take news from Victoria’s Secret. It turns out they’re going to be selling their swimsuits in stores, instead of just online and in catalogs. This is big news, because with summer coming, women are facing a shortage of places to buy beach wear. Some cities are down to their last four or five thousand shops!
Well, it wasn’t a real date. I won a chance to go for drinks with her, and it turned out pretty crazy. We had tumblers of Crème de menthe on the rocks, and bowls of free potato chips. It was hard keeping up with her!
This is a macabre story. Friedrich Schiller was a famous German writer. He was born in 1759 (not 1788 as we first posted) while his father was off at the Seven Years War. Back then, they named wars like that so both sides knew how long they had to fight.
Schiller wrote lots of great stuff and was associated with “Sturm und Drang.” That may be a German law firm, but I didn’t look it up. He died in 1805 and was buried in a mass grave. A few years later officials dug up the grave, figured the biggest skull was Schiller’s, and kept it.
Welcome back to Great Challenges in Advertising. A woman in South Korea says she found a rat head in some shrimp cracker snacks, and we’re wondering how they could reposition that product in the marketplace. Your suggestions so far:
Rat head shrimp crackers, the snack that can’t go bad!
They’re skull-crunchingly yummy!
Rat head: when you just don’t feel like a whole rat
Rat head, like the shrimp flavor isn’t bad enough…
Rat head crackers – they’re plague-o-licious!
Related post: What happens in Rat Island stays in…
Confidential memo to fashion show staff: Now, please keep an open mind about this, because times are tough and we still need to cut more costs. We spend a fortune putting on these shows, and why? Because we use live models!
But what if we used dead ones? I don’t mean like really old gross decayed ones, but you know, just very recently departed ones. They don’t complain about the outfits, they don’t talk back and the only cost is some dry ice!
I work in Hell. Oh, don’t seem so surprised. It’s a service industry just like anything else! We greet the newcomers, stoke the fires, cook the Brussels sprouts, and so on.
I want clothes that fit with the mood, but still let me have a social life. Outfits that say, ”Welcome to eternal damnation, do you know anybody looking for a fun time?”
Hey, Blog Guy! I don’t know if you remember me. You recently wrote about my search for some beautiful women I saw in New York City: Dude seeks attractive mystery women.
As a result of your blog a lot of people offered to help, and yesterday I found them, in Los Angeles! But now here’s the problem. When I approached them, they waved brassieres at me! Don’t you think that’s a little, you know, brazen? Forward? Assertive? Brassy? Trampy? Tawdry? How do I know they’re not floozies, if you catch my drift?
Well, who knew? There really is a condition called “Ugly Frozen Face.” I know, because I read about it today in the paper. A victim of this syndrome, a plucky lass named Tiffany, battled her way up to model in a major fashion show. The audience cheered her wildly.
For instance, the photo caption calls this “a creation,” but to me, it just looks like some chick having a butt. Is smoking a cigarette with black gloves and red lipstick the creative part, or what?
Was this lady supposed to stop and light up on the runway, because I have to say that will make fashion shows pretty tedious. Perhaps the designer should have looked for a slightly less addicted model?