Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Meet Miss Novelty Shop, 2007!

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Ladies and gentlemen, is she a sport, or what? In the pageant’s tough competition, this young lady fell for every stale novelty we threw at her! The old soot-covered binoculars, the glow-in-the-dark lipstick, even the really cheesy bald wig!

And then, just to show why she deserves this year’s Miss Novelty Shop title more than anyone, check out her realistic look of horror at being “tricked” by this stuff!

Come over here, Miss Novelty Shop, sit on your throne with your special cushion, put on this lapel flower, and open your can of peanut brittle. Hey! Looks like somebody threw up on the carpet! Man, I can’t stop laughing!

More Oddly Enough Blog

fashion-eyes-360.jpgA model presents a creation by British designer John Galliano during his Spring/Summer 2008 ready-to-wear fashion show at Paris Fashion Week October 6, 2007. REUTERS/Benoit Tessier

Quick, Robin! To the gyrocopter!

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The real caption on this news photo tells us this gizmo is “less expensive than a conventional helicopter,” and by conventional helicopter I believe they mean real helicopter.

Look, if I’m going to be riding in something thousands of feet up, the last thing I’m interested in hearing is that it was a bargain. Excuse me, I believe I’ll just go ahead and take the expensive kind, please. While we’re at it, don’t be asking me to get in something called a gyrocopter, which sounds like it came out of Inspector Gadget’s workshop.

That’s enough of a head start… Fire!

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This blog is proud to bring you, for the first time ever, photos of the Belgian sport of cyclist hunting. A match consists of two teams – the “pedalers,” with their festive regalia and jaunty helmets, and the “huge cannon-shooters,” with, well, their massive field pieces and really heavy cannonballs. That’s the team you want to be on if you have a choice.

While this sport is growing in popularity, it has not yet eclipsed the other so-called “history buff sport,” golfer hunting.

Mimes fighting to be heard….

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Now the truth is out. By day, mimes entertain us by silently pretending to be trapped in glass boxes, and … well, come to think of it, that’s pretty much the extent of their act. 

Anyway, it turns out these white-faced denizens of street theater have their own army, with big mime guns – probably equipped with silencers – and they are planning some kind of revolution. The government is now aware of their violent plans, and reportedly is building enormous glass boxes for holding the thousands of mime POWs expected to be captured soon.

You know, good health can be overrated…

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Regular readers know this blog has basic themes: dimwitted criminals, hideous fashions, questionable career advice, cute animals, and above all, things some people eat that I wouldn’t touch for a million dollars.

That brings me to Jiang Musheng. Many years ago had a cough and abdominal pains. Some old coot suggested he should try eating live tree frogs, so he did, and a month later he was “cured.” Now he eats live frogs, mice and baby rats all the time, and he credits that diet with keeping him healthy and strong.

Comrade, come visit a U.S. supermarket…

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Now and then it’s good to be reminded that technology isn’t advancing at the same speed everywhere in the world.

Residents of a Russian village have refused to switch to new passports because they believe the documents’ bar codes contain satanic symbols. Yes. Some of them have also stopped collecting their pension checks, because there are bar codes on the pay slips.

“You must be joking” tourist site opens

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I’m kind of losing the urge to travel. What’s there to see? Now we have a just-opened glass-bottom walkway perched 4,000 feet over the Grand Canyon

Excuse me? I’m supposed to pay you so I can walk out there and look below my shoes into eternal bottomless nothingness? That’s not how it works. You offer to pay me four million dollars to walk out there, and I still say no. Not even if you throw in a t-shirt that says, “Mom and Dad visited the Skywalk and aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”

“Be vewy vewy quiet; I’m hunting wabbits”

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Is Elmer Fudd off hunting wolves in Belarus, or do they just not have much of a firearm safety education program over there?

Our photo caption says this guy is using his gun as a horn to gather hunters. What? So, there’s like a horn shortage in Belarus? Horns are so hard to come by that guys are forced to stick a gun barrel in their mouth to communicate?

Guys, meet a real fashion model!

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There was a time when being a model in Paris meant something glamorous, but today, when you can’t tell a haute couture runway from a set for the Addams Family, apparently things are different.

Guys, if somebody offers to fix you up on a blind date with a “fashion model,” it’s okay to ask some diplomatic questions before you meet her. Here are some that have worked for me:

So, EXACTLY where do I have to hit my head?

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Whatever you do, keep this story to yourself.  I see nothing good happening if the masses get hold of it.

Basically, there was this normal, regular guy who fell off of a piece of equipment at work and hit his head, and became transformed and “disinhibited.” His marriage was wrecked as he turned to affairs, prostitutes and pornography, and was finally awarded nearly $6 million in damages.