Okay, this is the point we’ve come to in America.

We are told in a bunch of captions that this is a $3 million bra, but we are given no clue as to why it costs at least two and a half million dollars more than a regular bra.

Here are some possible reasons for that price tag, but these are only wild guesses…

• The model comes with it?
• It’s made from real t-bone steak?
• All proceeds from the sale go to fight Lupus?
• It’s half of an outfit worn by Lee Majors in a very special episode of The Six Million Dollar Man?

Victoria’s Secret slideshow

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Above: Model Marisa Miller presents a $3 million bra during the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York, November 19, 2009. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

Right: Model Marisa Miller poses with the $3 million dollar bra, November 19, 2009. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

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Blog Guy, I really need some dating advice. I’m an attractive young woman but I’m very shy, and when I meet a new man for the first time I just don’t know what to say. Help!

This is a very common problem. Some women find it useful to be holding something in their hand when they first meet a new guy, to help get the conversation started.

You know, something the guy will have to comment on. Do you have anything like that?

Yes! I love my picture of Lenin!

Okay, yes I guess a wallet-size photo of a former Beatle could be a conversation starter.

No, not Lennon! This is Vladimir Lenin. The Communist guy. It is a very nice portrait. I bet you’re right, any young man would admire it!

That’s not exactly what I had in mind. Now, you take this photo on the left, of a fashion model holding something…

I see. And you think that would help me start conversations with men?

Yes. Trust me, even if they are recently deceased.

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Above: A model holds a portrait of Vladimir Lenin, founder of the Soviet state, while presenting a creation by Kazakhstan designer Saltanat Baymukhamedova during Kazakhstan Fashion Week in Almaty, October 31, 2009.

Below: A model presents a creation by Baymukhamedova in Almaty, October 30, 2009.

REUTERS/photos by Shamil Zhumatov

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Blog Guy, I’m curious about the psychology of fashion models. Do they just wear anything they’re given, or do they have strong personal feelings about the creations?

That is a very astute question. Usually, a model wears any piece of rancid garbage some nutjob designer wraps around her wispy body.

On the left here, you can see a couple of examples from yesterday.

One model doesn’t seem to mind having a black face with white spots, and a jacket with bat wings. Another seems fine with a blouse made from packing twine and coat hangers.

But models DO have feelings that accumulate, and may explode in what mental health experts call a “WTF moment.”

That’s interesting. What does it look like?

I think it looks like this.

In the middle of a Fashion Week runway, it looks to me like this model below suddenly got a mental image of herself, with what looks like bird crap smeared on her face and hair, looking down to see her breast fully exposed to every slobbering loser who could sneak into the show.

Notice her fiery eyes. I think she’s just reached her “WTF moment.”  Her hands are twitching, steam is about to shoot from her ears, and I bet she is trying to recall how many bullets are left in the .44 magnum she has in her purse backstage. The next five minutes are NOT likely to be pretty.

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Models present creations by Ukranian designers during Ukrainian Fashion Week in Kiev October 18, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Konstantin Chernichkin

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Okay Lonnie, we took you on as an intern during Paris Fashion Week because what the hell, you were willing to work for free just to meet the models.

But Lon, we assigned you a VERY simple task, just to wash the tops for each outfit, and what happened?

Every one of them shrank drastically, leaving the models fully exposed on the runway! You think anybody wants to see that?

Lonnie, I’m sure this was just an accident, but we did warn you that heat shrinks fabric. So what did you do wrong?

Really? Washed them repeatedly all night long in a steam room, huh, and then dried them over a Weber grill?

Well gee, that sounds like an innocent mistake to me, Lon…

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Models present creations by designer Gareth Pugh as part of his Spring/Summer 2010 women’s collection during Paris Fashion Week, September 30, 2009. REUTERS/Jacky Naegelen

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Blog Guy, I’m a hip young single guy, and I need some dating advice.

You’ve sure come to the right place. I can pretend I know all about that stuff.

I go to singles bars, and sometimes chicks will say, “You want to come back to my place?” But I don’t always know if I should.

I hear you. For starters, if she’s in the parking lot and you haven’t even gone inside yet, you should probably pass.

Wow, thanks! What else?

Well, hair can be a giveaway. If a woman looks as though hers was styled by a helicopter rotor, say something diplomatic, like “Sorry, as you can see, I’m a Roman Catholic priest.”

And what about her clothes? Should I be looking for a chick with a very low-cut top, or a more respectable turtleneck sweater, or….

Let me stop you there. The only actual rule is, if she has a top with different-colored circles glued over her breasts, AND she has the rotor hair, look her in the eye and say, “My Birthers Club is meeting here now, maybe you’d like to join us?”

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Above: Model presents a creation from Eun Jeong 2010 Spring/ Summer collection at London Fashion Week, September 18, 2009.

Right: Model presents a creation from House of Holland 2010 Spring/ Summer collection at London Fashion Week, September 21, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Stefan Wermuth

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Blog Guy, what do you think it’s like being George Clooney? I bet it’s pretty neat!

You have a real way with words, stranger. I’m guessing “pretty neat” is accurate.

Take these shots of Clooney arriving by speedboat in Venice yesterday. It was like in the 90s in Italy, but he’s totally fresh looking.

Actually, it was in the mid-70s in Italy. You’re probably thinking of India.

Italy, India, whatever. Anyway, I hear when Clooney goes someplace all he has to do is describe the sort of woman he wants, and they just bring her to him.

Is that really true?

I think so. Look at the photo below from when he was in Italy in July. What else could he possibly be talking about?

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Above: Actor George Clooney arrives by speedboat in Venice September 7, 2009. He will be attending the 66th Venice Film Festival for his premiere of “The Men Who Stare at Goats”. REUTERS/Manuel Silvestri

Clooney is escorted by police during his tour of earthquake-damaged areas in central Italy, July 9, 2009. REUTERS/ Philippe Wojazer

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Blog Guy, do you stand behind the info in your photo captions? Is there a chance anybody ever pulls a fast one on you?

We do our best to check information, but my own personal suspicion is that sometimes people in Spain are having a laugh at my expense.

Can you give some examples?

Well, for instance, every so often we have photos of a bullfighter named Enrique Ponce. Get it? PONCE?

Look at this guy’s sissy outfit, then look up “ponce” in the dictionary. In British slang, it means “a pimp” or a “campily effeminate male.”

Wow! You guys got taken! Give me another example!

Okay, look at these Barcelona fashion photos from this past week.

The models are in so-called “creations” showing their bare headlights - you know, their bongos. I had to censor the photos to keep readers from going blind. Now look at the name of the so-called collection: Bonache.

Ulp! Wouldn’t that be pronounced BONE-ACHE?

I think so. Do you think this is really the “Bone-Ache Collection of Hooter-Flashing Fashion Creations?” I think it’s safe to say somebody in Spain has it in for me.

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Above: Spanish bullfighter Enrique Ponce adjusts his montera before a bullfight in Seville, April 28, 2009. REUTERS/Marcelo del Pozo

Richt: Models present creations from the Cardona Bonache collection at the 080 Barcelona fashion show, September 3, 2009. REUTERS/Albert Gea

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Blog Guy, I’m hoping you can help me out with a fashion dilemma.

I’m a gal who likes wearing a comfy bikini on a sun-drenched beach vacation. But if there’s a really hunky guy there, I want to look my natural best, which includes enhancing my swimsuit with padding to make my you-know-whats look big.

Your feet?

No. Think about it, Blog Guy. Anyway, of course by the time I spot the hunk it’s too late to run back to the changing room, so what am I to do?

Say no more. Check out the “Quickini,” from a fashion show today. It’s the answer to your problem.

This chick is listening carefully for the sound of other women laughing and flirting behind her, a sure sign that a muscle-bound hunk is coming up. A quick flip of the Quickini pads hanging on her shoulders, and they’re in place to make her look like she’s so top-heavy she can barely stand up!

That’s perfect! But what happens if the hunk still doesn’t notice me?

I wouldn’t worry too much about that as long as he’s breathing.

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A model presents a creation by Turkish designer Idil Tarzi during a fashion show at the Istanbul Fashion Days, August 27, 2009. REUTERS/Murad Sezer

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Blog Guy, if it’s August, it’s just about Oktoberfest over there in Germany. Isn’t this about the time they show some cute chick with those huge - watcha-call ‘ems?

They call those big things mugs.

Mugs? Yeah, I guess so. I never heard that euphemism before. So tell us about Oktoberfest.

They say it’s the “world’s biggest beer festival,” which I guess means they’ve never been to the Indianapolis 500.

Anyway, folks start drinking the beer in September, and then wake up to find out it’s October already.

Your grasp of international culture is impressive. What does that ”Hacker-Pschorr Himmel Der Bayern” banner mean?

I believe it translates to, “Yeah, my calves are kind of large, learn to live with it.”

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Model Sandra Schuster presents the official Oktoberfest beer mug in Munich August 25, 2009. The Oktoberfest, the world’s biggest beer festival, runs from September 19 until October 4 this year. REUTERS/ Michaela Rehle

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Blog Guy, you seem to know quite a lot about how the military works in various countries, so I have a question.

I’ll do my best.

I was wondering how the paramilitary police carry watermelons in China.

I get that question a lot, and I believe this photo illustrates the technique they use.

Awesome, thanks! Uh, Blog Guy, what’s that other picture doing there?

Oh, I have a new widget on my blogging tool that automatically sorts similar photos and puts them together, to save me the trouble.

But…

Yeah, I guess it still has some bugs in it.

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A model presents a creation by designer Paraiso for Colombia’s brand Armonia in Cali, July 9, 2009. REUTERS /Jaime Saldarriaga

A Chinese paramilitary policeman carries melons as he walks past two fellow police officers in riot gear in Urumqi, July 13, 2009. REUTERS /David Gray

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