Oddly Enough Blog

You only shot pictures of WHAT?

Blog Guy, how’s Oktoberfest shaping up this year, if you take my meaning? You know, those Bavarian women tend to wear some pretty risqué outfits over there, huh?

Boy, I’ll say. For your convenience, our photo people have put together this combo shot, showing cleavage of the visitors wearing traditional Dirndls.

They did it for my convenience? But you’ve put those beige rectangles over every one of them!

Well, sure, I have to protect my readers, but I think you probably get the idea.

Thanks. So these dresses are called Dirndls? What does that translate to?

So it’s like doing them a favor, huh?

Blog Guy, I like it when you find interesting traditions practiced by other cultures, like for instance that “love market” that you wrote about last year.

Well, I see here in the Singapore Straits Times that the Chinese have entered the seventh month of the Lunar calendar, known as the Hungry Ghost month…

You’re losing me here, Blog Guy. I didn’t say I was OBSESSED with other cultures. Will I care about this?

Let’s see.  The story says the Yi people in Ejia town of Yunnan province, those who are still single, head to the streets for a festival…

That’s all you’ve got, Blog Guy? Some festival?

Yes, the Breast-Touching Festival. For three days, the men are welcome to touch the women’s….

I’m awake now, Blog Guy. Please continue.

Is this the express line?

Blog Guy, it’s a couple of days before the end of February and there hasn’t been a single sign of the onrushing Apocalypse this month. I’m feeling much better already.

Then you’re living in a dream world, buddy. I just saw one of the clearest signs ever. It turns out a specialist ice cream parlor plans to serve up breast milk ice cream.

OMG! Where are they getting the milk for that?

From mothers who answered an online ad.

Ewwwww! Now I understand the headline you put on this blog item. I have to agree this is definitely a sign of the Apocalypse.

No it’s not. The actual sign is, the place plans to charge $23 a serving, so they expect to find customers who are nuts AND rich!

Scram! It’s a real drug bust!

Blog Guy,  I’m thinking about becoming a drug dealer, or maybe even a drug kingpin, but fashion is important to me.  Can you give me some idea of the dress code for this exciting field?

Well, first I should advise you strongly against choosing this profession. It is illegal in many states, and even some foreign countries.

Having said that, I’ve pulled some photos of recently arrested drug suspects so you can get an idea of popular attire.

Note the casual look favored by this suspect on the right, seen during his arrest a couple of days ago. T-shirt, shorts, flip-flops.

That’s very helpful, Blog Guy. What about hair?

It’s generally well-coiffed, as you can see in the suspect on the left. His demeanor says it all: “I’m cool, I’m bad, look at my fancy hair style.”

Can I have a beer first, Doctor?

Blog Guy, I have a medical question. I’m a woman considering getting breast implants. Where can I go to get a breast exam and a reliable professional opinion on this?

I’d probably just head for a nightclub. There may be a doctor there who can examine you right on the spot.

Excuse me? A nightclub? I’m pretty sure that’s inappropriate. Where in the HELL would you have to live to submit to a breast exam in a BAR?

In Idaho. Just a few days ago, police arrested someone they say posed as a physician and duped  women into having their breasts examined by her at Boise-area nightclubs.

No! That’s the single goofiest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, Blog Guy.

It gets goofier. You haven’t asked me yet what name the “doctor” gave to these women.

It’s for folks who like owls, Mr. President

Blog Guy, I’m very, very confused.

That’s nothing to be ashamed of in this blog, sir. What seems to be the problem?

I saw a photo of Hooters waitresses watching President Obama last weekend. I’ve always been led to believe if the words “Hooters” and “U.S. President” ever appeared together, it would be the end of the world.

I’m happy to say you’re wrong. There is no danger at all if the event happens in certain places, like for instance Florida, as was the case here.

Please let me illustrate. Below is a 1996 photo of Hooters waitresses at a “Dole for President” rally in Jacksonville, Florida. See, that was 14 years ago and we’re all still okay.

Remember, the restaurant chain itself was named after former U.S. President Herbert Hooter…

Blog Guy, you’re an imbecile. It most certainly was not!

Here’s what you get for $106 million…

Blog Guy, I heard on the radio that a Picasso painting just sold for more than $106 million! They held up a photo of it on the radio news, but I was driving and couldn’t look.

Yeah, you’re talking about Picasso’s “Nude, Green Leaves and Bust.” It sold yesterday.

Uh-oh. With a name like that, I’m guessing you’re going to have to add those little white rectangles that cover up stuff you can’t show in your blog?

That’s where you’re wrong. Oh sure, I’m going to have to use rectangles, but not the old-fashioned white ones. This year, I’ve budgeted for the more attractive pastel kind.

That’s a relief. I must say, you’ve used quite a few of them.

Well, it’s Picasso, so you can’t be quite sure what’s what. Better safe than sorry, that’s what I say.

They’re like Charlie’s Angels, only nastier!

Okay sales staff, the big civil defense and security equipment exhibition is coming up, and we need to push our merchandise. Let’s brainstorm!

Boss, it’s me, Lonnie! What if we pass out glossy brochures about peaceful crowd control and stuff like that?

Yeah Lonnie, that’s  one way to go. Here’s another: cleavage!

Cleavage, Boss? You mean like girls have?

Yes Lonnie, Like girls have. Hot fantasy, that’s what will sell our weapons and riot gear.

But Boss! Our customers are sober, responsible officials! We’re selling serious equipment for soldiers and police in life-or-death situations!

When the breasts are fake, and so is the doctor…

Quick quiz: Who would you LEAST like to find out is a bogus, untrained fraud?

a) The guy fixing your washing machine

b) The yard man trimming your magnolias

c) The accountant preparing your taxes

d) The plastic surgeon doing your breast implants

Yeah, I think most of us would have to go with that breast implant thing.

In Venezuela, police have arrested a man and woman accused of impersonating plastic surgeons and providing women with silicon breast and buttock implants from an illegal clinic in an apartment.

A reader needs my help…

Blog Guy, I’m a regular reader of your blog, and I need a personal favor.

Sorry, I can’t really get involved with helping people, I’ve got a lot of readers.

Please! My daughter is going to Washington DC, and I know you live there. She doesn’t know a soul, and I’m hoping you can help her meet some nice young men.

Gosh, I’m not comfortable with….

I’ll be honest, she’s a bit eccentric. She wears a huge feathered bird in her hair. Her eyes look like some kind of space alien, and she uses strange make-up.

She wears her hair in multi-colored braids, and she tends to like homemade outfits made from knotted hemp….

She’s made some mistakes. She did hard time for manslaughter and arson, and held up a convenience store…