Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Am I my brothel’s keeper?

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Hey Blog Guy, I’m going to London on vacation. Let’s say some evening after a great English meal I want to find a brothel. You know, a bawdy house. A bordello. A den of iniquity. Where do I go?

That’s easy. Just go to any no-sign door and knock.

Um, no-sign door?

Yes. As  you can see here, places that aren’t brothels have signs saying they’re not brothels, so anyplace with no ”not a brothel” sign probably is one.

Is that 100 percent foolproof?

Unfortunately, no. There are some brothels with a “not a brothel” sign, just to fool the police. Then again, there are some non-brothels with no sign, because it fell off.

I’m totally confused. So what should I do?

You should  wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m not looking for a prostitute, so if you’re not a prostitute let’s mess around and I won’t pay you.”

Seven swans a-swimming…

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Blog Guy, I can count and I like birds. What would be a good career for me?

Those are pretty strong qualifications in today’s job market. I would suggest a career in Swan Upping.

Swan what?

Swan Uppers count swans in the river Thames, over in England. For five days every July they put on red jackets and count swans for the Queen. The Queen watches, I guess to make sure she’s not getting screwed out of any swans.

Lifestyles of the Retch and Famous?

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Blog Guy, I think you have been too hard on British people, what with those Twit Games and Funny Hat Day and stuff.

I agree. So to make up for it, I went to a cricket match in London a couple of days ago.

More Twit than Twitter?

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This is for the reader who wrote, “Bob, I love it when you make fun of British stuff, like Funny Hat Day and the Royal Ascot. Why don’t you do more of that?”

Thanks for the kind words, reader, but I’m afraid I just can’t do nearly as good a job as they do themselves.

Honey swat key mally ponce?

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Blog Guy, I was interested in your photos of some members of the British royal family at the Royal Ascot. Please try to update us more often on what those folks are up to.

Well, last week they had the annual Funny Hat Day over there. They all put on silly hats with big plumes, and just goofed around.

What’s wrong with this picture?

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Blog Guy, can you clear something up for me? I saw photos of President Barack Obama and other major European leaders at the D-Day ceremonies in France, but there is one guy in a uniform who isn’t identified.

Yes, I noticed that, too. I believe he is Captain Kangaroo.

Excuse me? Why would Captain Kangaroo be with world leaders?

He was a war hero in World War II, fighting alongside actor Lee Marvin. So it makes sense.

Triple-button shot makes photo history!

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It’s me, Blog Guy, that aspiring photojournalist. I think it’s time I try some tougher shots. You know, the ones that only the pros can do. Like say you have some world leaders together and you want to show action?

Sure. The great shooters will do this by showing them buttoning their jackets. If you can get two of them to do it simultaneously, that’s solid gold.

Come back out, Susan, we’re not done yet!

Blog Guy, you haven’t written anything about that singer, Susan Boyle. After she didn’t win “Britain’s Got Talent” she was admitted to a London clinic, and I want to know what’s going on there.

Why?

When something touching and beautiful happens to someone, I want to make sure it doesn’t last long, and that they pay for it by being hounded to the gates of eternal hell until the day they die.

Wanna see my Chipmunk, baby?

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Blog Guy, you write a lot about military careers, and I could use some advice. I want to be able to wear a whole bunch of medals, to impress the chicks.

So you’re saying you want to see lots of combat and earn medals of honor and valor and purple hearts and stuff?

Looks like Miami, only Frenchier!

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Blog Guy, you have written lots about exotic homes of the world’s leaders. Interesting stuff about 10 Downing Street, where Britain’s prime minister lives, and your amazing look at the unique home of Russia’s president. Can you tell us about other official residences, please?

Lots of them are named for colors, like our White House, South Korea’s Blue House, and Canada’s Pink House, the prime minister’s Ottawa home, named for the pink flamingos all over the lawn.