Judy Benjamin: I think they sent me to the wrong place.
Capt. Lewis: Uh-huh.
Judy Benjamin: See, I did join the army, but I joined a *different* army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms…

As a film buff, I hate lame remakes of classic movies more than anything. Well, more than anything except for dumb fashions, bullfighting, brussels sprouts, gyrocopters, clothing on dogs, Adolf Hitler…

Anyway, it appears now they’re remaking that 1980 Goldie Hawn movie “Private Benjamin,” about a spoiled rich woman who joins the army. But I’m keeping an open mind on this one, just because the casting is inspired!

Pure genius! Hire Paris Hilton, and cast her in the role she was born to play!

I’m no pushover, but one look at this studio publicity shot below and I was doubled over with tequila spurting out of my nose.

If they can just nail the part of Captain Lewis, played so brilliantly by Eileen Brennan in the original, this could be the come-from-nowhere Oscar surprise of the year. I’m pushing German Chancellor Angela Merkel for the captain role. Who’s with me?

Lose weight easily. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Twick or Tweat? Follow this blog at rbasler

Above: Screen grab from “Private Benjamin.”

Below: Paris Hilton poses with members of the UCLA Reserve Officers Training Corps cadets at the First Ladies of Africa Health Summit gala in Beverly Hills, California April 21, 2009. REUTERS/ Mario Anzuoni

More stuff from Oddly Enough

This time of year I get lots of queries from college seniors asking for career advice.

Often they say, “Bobby, are there any signs I can look for that might indicate I’ve chosen the wrong career?”

Sure, there are quite a few, and you’d be smart to read my past CAREERS posts. But here are a couple of new thoughts:

• If you’re moving at a high rate of speed and there’s a huge fuming bull chasing you, and you’re not drunk and you’re not in Pamplona, then your career counselor owes you or your widow an apology.
• If the ground is moving under you and you seem to be  hanging onto a big sharp horn, and you can feel hot nostril snorts on your leg and there’s a hole in the butt of your fancy purple jammies, maybe you should have thought twice before majoring in Creative Writing and Film Studies.

Stick it to the man! Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Above: Spanish bullfighter Rafaelillo runs after being tackled by a bull in Seville, April 20, 2009.

Below: Spanish bullfighter Sergio Aguilar is tackled by a bull in Seville, April 21, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Marcelo del Pozo

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, you write a lot about bullfighting, so you’re probably aware the new season has begun. How about giving us some behind-the-scenes stuff that most people don’t know about the tradition and pageantry of the sport?

Okay but remember, technically bullfighting isn’t a sport, it’s a ”sport”. In the photo below, matadors and their assistants are performing the “paseillo” before starting a bullfight.

My Spanish is very rusty, but I believe “paseillo” means walking around the ring cleaning up cigarette butts and bull poop.

That’s interesting. I wasn’t aware the matadors had to do such menial stuff.

Who else is gonna do it? When you put on funny outfits and torture animals to death for a living you’ve pretty much hit rock bottom already.

What about this other photo, with the capes?

The matadors are having a picnic. They’re looking for a good place to spread out their pink blankets where maybe the bulls won’t find them right away, so they can enjoy some tasteless flan.

Gosh, the way you describe it, it loses a lot of its romance.

Good.

Don’t rest until you join the Oddly Enough blog network

Above: Spanish matadors and their assistants warm up before starting a bullfight at The Maestranza bull ring in Seville, April 12, 2009.

Below: Spanish matadors and their assistants perform the “paseillo” before starting a bullfight at the ring.

REUTERS photos by Marcelo del Pozo

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I hate to complain, but you used to do a much better job of covering really stupid sports for your readers. Aren’t there any hot new sports trends that are extremely dumb?

I’ll try to do better. Do you know about Jersey Sports?

Are those just sports in New Jersey?

No, they’re regular games but everybody has to wear their jersey or shirt in a way that makes it hard to see and maneuver. It’s enjoying a burst of popularity in soccer and tennis.

Thank you! I feel like I’m in on a new thing, and I can impress my friends. Do you think jersey sports will be confined to soccer and tennis?

Nope. There are plans for a Jersey Indy 500 and a Jersey Kentucky Derby. And I’m eagerly awaiting Jersey Bullfighting.

Amazing! Are there any Jersey Sports we aren’t likely to see on the networks anytime soon?

Yeah. Women’s Jersey Sports. Those are only on cable.

We can’t turn you down! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Above: Moenchengladbach’s goalie Logan Bailly covers his face with his jersey in Germany, April 11, 2009. REUTERS/Wolfgang Rattay

Below: Recent REUTERS photos of Jersey sports.

More stuff from Oddly Enough

This is the exciting moment we’ve been waiting for. The envelope, please? And the 2009 Parents of the Year award goes to…

Here is a video report about an 11-year-old matador who killed SIX young bulls, despite opposition from child protection and anti-bullfighting groups.

The kid gets his name in Guinness, and the young bulls get zip.

But the coveted Parents of the Year award is actually shared this time, between the mini- matador’s folks, and the parents who reportedly took their children to witness this bloodfest.

“Hey, honey! It says here some kid is gonna torture six bulls to death with large fondue forks! Grab the little guys, it’s showtime!”

Upgrade yourself. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I’m very worried. Our teenage son seems to enjoy torturing animals, especially when lots of people are watching. Should we send him to a psychiatrist?

Hold on, it sounds like he may have natural talent as a bullfighter. Have  you considered sending him to a bullfighting school?

You mean they actually TEACH bullfighting to young people?

Of course! What did you think, they just grab grown-up sickos off the street and shove them into a bull ring?

Would he have to wear those silly outfits and dumb-looking bullfighter hats?

Sure. That’s what helps make bullfighting the great sport that it is.

Are you familiar with any of the schools?

No, but I have contributed heavily to a different school, to teach young bulls how to defend themselves. I hope your son grows up to meet one of our graduates.

Bullfighter school slideshow

Enjoy life! join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Bullfighting pupils perform at an international meeting of bullfighter schools at the Arruda dos Vinhos arena in Portugal, December 26, 2008.

REUTERS photos by Jose Manuel Ribeiro

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Hello, and welcome back to a popular feature we like to call, “Things Maybe we should have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.”

The photo caption below says these guys are assistants, “preparing for a bullfight.”

It looks to me like they’re just guys in dumb hats chewing on fancy capes.

Oh, excuse me. I’ve just been informed they are positioning the capes so that if their boss gets the grande fling from the bull, they can disappear and not have to go in after him.

They instantly turn into two cape-covered dudes getting the hell out of Dodge without looking back. That makes perfect sense to me! Why didn’t we just say that in the first place?

Be better than other people. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Mexico’s Lulu De La Vega is tackled by bull during bullfight in Lima, November 1, 2008.

Assistants prepare for bullfight in Lima, November 1, 2008.

REUTERS photos by Pilar Olivares

More stuff from Oddly Enough

I’ve posted items recently on the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. And while I don’t think there is anything very macho about that activity - unless by macho you mean pathetic - I admit it does have some cachet when compared with another event this week.

Toro de Cuerda!! In English, that is “Bull on rope.” Yes. A bull restrained by a rope is allowed to “run” through the mean streets of Grazalema, Spain, while folks hide on handy structures above him. 

I’m not sure, but I believe the participants wear gore-proof clothing and have four-inch-thick safety glass between them and the animal, who for all I know may just be two guys in a bull costume.

Go ahead, try saying this in your most MACHO voice: “Oh, Si! I climbed above the tethered old arthritic bull who wears bifocal glasses!” Not exactly straight out of Hemingway, is it?

Are you on Facebook? Join the Oddly Enough blog network! 

People hold on to a window to avoid a bull during an event entitled ‘Toro de Cuerda’ (Bull on Rope) where a bull restrained by a rope is allowed to run through the streets in Grazalema, southern Spain July 21, 2008. REUTERS/Jon Nazca

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Oh brother, can I pick ‘em or what? On the Internet, this guy seemed so normal, but then I meet him in person…

He told me online he “works with animals.” Yeah. Turns out he tortures them to death!

He also said he’s a snappy dresser. Jeez Louise, he’s got a jacket decorated with 6,000 pieces of unpopped popcorn beaded together! It’ll be fun to see what happens when the intense July sun heats up those kernels out in the bull ring.

At least I had a chance to slather grease all over his sword handle when he wasn’t looking. When he tries poking that thing into some poor bull, Señor Jiffy Pop is in for quite a surprise. 

Spanish bullfighter Jose Prados “El Fundi” adjusts his costume before a bullfight on the eighth day of the San Fermin festival in Pamplona July 13, 2008. REUTERS/Dani Cardona

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Goodness gracious, now I’ve done it! I should have stayed with the tour, but no, I knew better!

So I guess this place must be one of those gigolo bars. Sheesh, every man in here is dressed better than I am. They all have those fancy things on their shoulders like they’re colonels or something, but I bet they’re not. They even have CAPES for cripes sake, and here I am in a plain dress!

They all look so smarmy, but they’d be offended if I left without an escort. I’ve gotta break the ice. How do you suppose you say “Do you want some flan?” in Spanish?

French bullfighter Juan Bautista (2nd R) waits for the start of the fourth bullfight of the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, Spain, July 10, 2008. REUTERS/Susana Vera

More stuff from Oddly Enough