Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Time for the cape escape, Lonnie!

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Hello, and welcome back to a popular feature we like to call, “Things Maybe we should have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.”

The photo caption below says these guys are assistants, “preparing for a bullfight.”

It looks to me like they’re just guys in dumb hats chewing on fancy capes.

Oh, excuse me. I’ve just been informed they are positioning the capes so that if their boss gets the grande fling from the bull, they can disappear and not have to go in after him.

Welcome to Pamplona lite!

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bull-window-crop-200.jpgI’ve posted items recently on the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. And while I don’t think there is anything very macho about that activity – unless by macho you mean pathetic – I admit it does have some cachet when compared with another event this week.

Toro de Cuerda!! In English, that is “Bull on rope.” Yes. A bull restrained by a rope is allowed to “run” through the mean streets of Grazalema, Spain, while folks hide on handy structures above him. 

Señor Jiffy Pop, you’re exploding!

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matador-and-woman-120.jpgOh brother, can I pick ‘em or what? On the Internet, this guy seemed so normal, but then I meet him in person…

He told me online he “works with animals.” Yeah. Turns out he tortures them to death!

I wish I had one pantsuit that nice!

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Goodness gracious, now I’ve done it! I should have stayed with the tour, but no, I knew better!

So I guess this place must be one of those gigolo bars. Sheesh, every man in here is dressed better than I am. They all have those fancy things on their shoulders like they’re colonels or something, but I bet they’re not. They even have CAPES for cripes sake, and here I am in a plain dress!

Toss me another tourist, Toro!

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pamplona-2-220.jpgDear Mama and Papa Bull, it’s exciting here in Pamplona! I can sure see why us bulls love the annual Running of the Tourists!

I feel a little guilty, though. Face it. If these people had any brains they wouldn’t be out jogging with huge honking bulls. Then they drink gallons of wine, just to give us even more of an edge!

The reign in Spain is staring at the ring…

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king-cap-180.jpgOh what have I done? I just came here to wear a funny costume and torture poor animals, but now the KING is here! I’m SURE it’s the king, I’ve seen him on television!

I should give him something. He’s the king! I could hurl my shiny sword at him, but you can get in trouble for doing that… They would call me “The Stupid One.”

Stop! I dropped my contact lens!

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bull-combo-180.jpgBlog Guy, can you please explain some of the more complex maneuvers a bullfighter uses?

Sure. For instance, say you find yourself on the ground, staring into the face of a bull who is pretty annoyed over being tortured for no reason. There are a number of clever comments  bullfighters use to bamboozle the animal:

So the bulls really die laughing?

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Hey, Blog Guy! I was wondering, in a real bullfight, what is it that gets the bull to attack the matador? I’m assuming it’s the red cape, right?

Well, that’s what some people think, but not me.

Have you ever looked at the faces these matadors make in the ring? If you were face to face with one and you had two big sharp horns with you, what would YOU do with them? I mean, it’s not even a close call!

This isn’t a SWIMSUIT?

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bulllfighter-legs-160.jpgClancy was mortified. WHY had he believed that salesman who said sissy clothes would be THE LOOK for the beach this season? Liar, liar, pants on fire!

So now, endless miles of Caribbean sand, and Clancy is the only one wearing gold braid and fuzzy epaulettes. The other guys are wearing flip-flops, not fuschia socks and dancing shoes like his.

My sword is at home on the sofa!

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bullfight-face-160.jpgOh, what have I done? Mom wanted me to be a chiropractor, but no! I knew better! Mister Smarty-Pants just HAD to be a matador!

So here I am, dressed like Elton John, in front of all these boobs who came to see blood. They expect me to take my sword and… Caramba! I left my sword at home, on the sofa! Under my CAPE! Can anything ELSE go wrong today?