Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

We need rhymers, not climbers!

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Blog Guy, I know you’ve been following Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain and his campaign, complete with that Libya video meltdown and the “Cain train,” but what do you think about his latest comment?

You mean where he said, “We need a leader, not a reader.”

Yep.

Well, it is jolting to hear a candidate say something like that, but I know he loves those rhyming phrases. It’s sort of his trademark. Here are some examples from my own wide-ranging Cain interview, conducted in my imagination…

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Mr. Cain, could you comment on the Occupy Wall Street movement?

I strongly oppose those protesters. We need brokers, not jokers, and bankers, not wankers.

And what about the growing problem of homelessness?

We need poems, not homes…

And Mr. Cain, what about health care?

We need verses, not nurses.

I see. You’ve been very critical of the news media recently. Would you like to see all journalists forcibly sent overseas?

You got STUFF twirling in your head?

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Okay, I’m sorry, I can’t even begin to improve on this video clip.

In an interview with the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal, Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain is asked whether he agreed with President Obama on Libya.

“Okay, Libya…” Cain says, like a sixth-grader pausing before spelling Mississippi. He adjusts a bottle of water for no apparent reason.

Voters are kept in the dark?

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Johnson, get in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What is it this time, Boss?

It’s your pictures from that Republican debate! They’re too dark. I can’t even tell who these people are!

Oh. That one on top is Rick Perry, I think, or maybe Michele Bachmann. It’s not my fault, Boss. This was the debate they held entirely in the dark.

Nobody gets off THIS train, pal!

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Blog Guy, I know you’re closely following the race for the Republican presidential nomination. I’m a little surprised you haven’t chosen a Quote of the Week yet for last week.

It goes to candidate Herman Cain, who told reporters, “When people get on the Cain train, they don’t get off.”

You can’t have a term, Herm…

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So, Blog Guy, as a keen observer of the political scene, what’s your take? Can Herman Cain be elected president at this point?

No, he cannot.

Because of the….

Exactly. Because of his name.

Now I’m confused. His name?

Of course. What did you think I meant? Check out the U.S. Bill of Rights, and you’ll see that nobody named Lemuel, Enoch or Herman is allowed to become president.

The strain on Cain is changing his campaign?

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In case some of you missed it because of the freak snowstorm, I’m going to mention an unusual political story from Saturday. It involves Herman Cain, one of the front-runners for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination.

According to the Associated Press, Cain said he will “dial back” his campaign and media appearances in order to avoid missteps.