Quick quiz: Prince Charles’ wife, Camilla, is seen here reacting violently upon learning…

a) The guy who “married” them was not an actor, but was in fact a real clergyman

b) “Duchess of Cornwall” is just sort of a sarcastic title

c) Her neighbor’s dog is sending her messages again

d) Their supposed two-hour stopover in Canada is actually an 11-day visit

Here’s a tip for readers who are easily confused. Please note our actual caption, below, indicates that the duchess is on the LEFT in this two-person photo, and is not the one in a dark suit holding an umbrella. I know, it surprised me, too.

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Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall (L) reacts as she waits for her husband Prince Charles to fire the gun on the HMCS Haida in Hamilton, Ontario, November 5, 2009. Prince Charles and Camilla are currently on an 11-day tour of Canada. REUTERS/ Fred Thornhill

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Okay gang, you all know the deal. We’ve actually persuaded Prince Charles to endorse our brand of coffee for a TV commercial!

Yeah, he said it’s only Canada so nobody will see it anywhere important, and he can use a few extra bucks.

It’s a real advertising coup, but we only get one take, so it has to be perfect the first time.

Now, the prince is going to just be walking along doing prince stuff, and ask for a cup of our coffee. He’ll try it, and then give us a big smile of delight.

Oh my God! This is our one take? This is supposed to make people buy this crap?

Well, we’ve paid for it so we have to use it, but at least edit out that last few seconds where he drops to his knees and spews his lunch on the crowd.

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Britain’s Prince Charles samples naturally grown coffee in traditional farmer’s market, at the Evergreen Brick Works Restoration site, in Toronto November 6, 2009. REUTERS/Fred Thornhill

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Hey Blog Guy, I saw a photo of some clowns having a news conference. What was that about?

Were they from Homeland Security?

No! These were REAL clowns! Make-up and everything!

I think they were saying who they want to send to space, since that Canadian clown went up and back.

People want these missions to be more entertaining, because folks have stopped caring about the science part.

So like who’s on the space list now?

Carnival freaks, mutants, mimes, bearded ladies… Guys who do things to live chickens you don’t even want to know about. It’s gonna be a whole new space station, I’ll tell you!

Ooooh! Ooooh! You know what would make me watch? Jugglers! I love jugglers! Can some of THEM go up there?

Um, I’m going to give you a few minutes to think about why it might not be too smart to have jugglers in a space shuttle. Come back if you need help.

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Above: Clowns smile after a news conference in Mexico City October 14, 2009. Mexico will host the 14th Latin American Clown Convention from October 19 to October 22. REUTERS/Eliana Aponte

Left: Clown looks on during news conference. REUTERS/Eliana Aponte

Right: Canadian circus billionaire Guy Laliberte smiles after he returned in the Russian Soyuz space capsule near the town of Arkalyk, in northern Kazakhstan, October 11, 2009. REUTERS/Yuri Kochetkov/Pool

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Okay comrades, it was partly my idea to send a billionaire Canadian jokester into space to make us a few extra rubles. Now, just two days into the flight, I admit it was a horrible mistake.

It was bad enough when Guy Laliberte put on a red clown nose with his space suit, and it got worse when he made us stop the countdown at six seconds, screaming, “I need to do number two!”

Then he put itching powder in the crew’s space suits, and rubber vomit on the control panel. He keeps unlocking the hatch, saying, “I’m goin’ out for Chinese, who wants some?”

The last straw was today’s gag, putting helium in the shuttle’s oxygen supply so everyone sounded like Alvin and the Chipmunks. That’s just too much!

But the joke is on him. We have quite a surprise for Laliberte on his first space walk.

Bye-bye, Canadian Guy! His check to us DID clear already, right, comrades?

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Above: The Three Stooges

Right: Canadian billionaire Guy Laliberte jokes after putting on his space suit at Baikonur cosmodrome September 30, 2009. REUTERS/ Shamil Zhumatov

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Blog Guy, you haven’t done any fantasy photos for a few days. I want some!

I’m here to make you happy. What the hell do you want?

I want a photo of a billionaire dressed like a clown.

Sigh. Any special setting?

No, it can be anyplace, so long as it’s in Red Square.

Holy crap! Anything else?

Yes. I want a photo of actor Sylvester Stallone in his private bathroom.

Geez, I sure hope the authorities are watching you. Okay, here are the two shots you requested.

Hey! That billionaire is just some Canadian clown!

You expected what, Warren Buffett in a red wig?

And this caption says Stallone is in a theater, not a bathroom!

Sure, but isn’t this pretty much how you think his bathroom at home would look?

You’ve got me there, Blog Guy. Thanks for the snaps!

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Above: Canadian billionaire Guy Laliberte poses in Red Square in Moscow September 10, 2009. Laliberte, who owns Cirque du Soleil, is set to become Canada’s first space tourist. REUTERS/ Sergei Remezov

Below: Actor Sylvester Stallone poses while visiting La Fenice theater in Venice, September 11, 2009. REUTERS/Michele Crosera

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Blog Guy, can you clear something up for me? I saw photos of President Barack Obama and other major European leaders at the D-Day ceremonies in France, but there is one guy in a uniform who isn’t identified.

Yes, I noticed that, too. I believe he is Captain Kangaroo.

Excuse me? Why would Captain Kangaroo be with world leaders?

He was a war hero in World War II, fighting alongside actor Lee Marvin. So it makes sense.

Not really, since a) that Lee Marvin/Captain Kangaroo urban legend has been widely debunked, and b) Captain Kangaroo is dead and c) you’re a total moron!

You know, I think Captain Kangaroo was a NAVY captain, so it must be someone else. Maybe he’s the head of the military junta that runs Belgium. I’m glad I was able to help.

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Above left: Captain Kangaroo

Left: France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy speaks with U.S. President Barack Obama as they walk with Britain’s Prince Charles, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown before a ceremony in France to mark the 65th anniversary of D-Day, on June 6, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Feferberg/Pool

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It’s me, Blog Guy, that aspiring photojournalist. I think it’s time I try some tougher shots. You know, the ones that only the pros can do. Like say you have some world leaders together and you want to show action?

Sure. The great shooters will do this by showing them buttoning their jackets. If you can get two of them to do it simultaneously, that’s solid gold.

Awesome! Is there lanything better than a double?

Well, there is… oh, never mind, it won’t happen again in your lifetime.

No! Tell me what it is! I can handle it!

Look, in theory there’s the trifecta - three jacket buttonings at once -  but that’s a shot we only dreamed of, until it really happened yesterday. We’ll be talking about it for years and years to come, so save a copy for your grandchildren.

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Above: President George W. Bush and Indonesian President President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono button jackets in 2007 file photo. REUTERS/ Jason Reed

Below: Britain’s Prime Minister Gordon Brown, Canada’s Prime Minister Stephen Harper and France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy at a D-Day commemoration at the U.S. military cemetery in Colleville-sur-Mer, France, June 6, 2009. REUTERS/ Chris Helgren

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Blog Guy, you have written lots about exotic homes of the world’s leaders. Interesting stuff about 10 Downing Street, where Britain’s prime minister lives, and your amazing look at the unique home of Russia’s president. Can you tell us about other official residences, please?

Lots of them are named for colors, like our White House, South Korea’s Blue House, and Canada’s Pink House, the prime minister’s Ottawa home, named for the pink flamingos all over the lawn.

Why is it in Ottawa?

It turns out that’s the capital. Who knew? The locals call the flamingo-strewn residence “Tackytown,” but they prefer it to the former garden gnome motif, called “the Gnome Home.”

What’s your favorite official residence of all?

That would be the UK Prime Minister’s country home, called Chequers. The official residence of China’s top leader is an exact copy of the place.

You don’t say. And what is theirs called? No! Wait! Don’t say it!

You’re too late. Chinese Chequers.

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Canada’s Prime Minister Stephen Harper looks at plastic flamingos placed on the front lawn of his official residence, while walking with his daughter Rachel in Ottawa, April 30, 2009. Staffers placed 50 plastic flamingos on the lawn to mark Harper’s 50th birthday. REUTERS/ Chris Wattie

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Blog guy, I saw some images from a confrontation in Canada over the weekend, with white supremacists vs. anti-racist activists. Is there any easy way to tell them apart?

Oh my, yes! Look at the photo below. All of the anti-racists carry Starbucks drinks. Grande size, if I’m not mistaken.

In this photo, an anti-racist seems to have spilled his drink after being punched, which means he’ll have to go immediately back to the end of the Starbucks line.

Thanks. But why don’t the white supremacists drink Starbucks?

Are you out of your mind? Look at this guy in the undershirt. Does it LOOK as if he could grasp a concept like venti half-caf non-fat latte?

I believe he’s shown here trying to place an order, but it’s anybody’s guess what they’ll actually give him.

“Yes Sir, you want pastry and spit with that?”

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Above: Member of the white supremacist group the Aryan Guard yells at anti-racist activists in downtown Calgary, Alberta, March 21, 2009. The Aryan Guard was marching to protest the “Celebration of diversity” that was taking place at City Hall in Calgary.

Below: Member of the Aryan Guard (R) punches an anti-racist activist.

REUTERS photos by Todd Korol

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Blog Guy, as a journalist I imagine you’re happy to be in a country with a free press, unlike some other places.

Amen to that! Like Canada, for instance.

Um, I believe they have a free press in Canada, don’t they?

Yeah? Tell that to the reporters who went to a local official’s news conference yesterday, where he waved a big snake at them every time they asked a question!

Did you read that someplace?

Nah, I just saw a picture.

I’m sure you know that didn’t really happen. Why did you make it up?

So I could show our actual photo caption below, which carefully identifies the guy as (C) for center, so that easily-confused readers won’t mistake him for the snake.

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British Columbia Environment Minister Barry Penner (C) holds onto Pisco the boa constrictor following an announcement on new restrictions with regards to controlling the owning and breeding of exotic animals, at the aquarium in Vancouver, British Columbia March 17, 2009. REUTERS/Andy Clark

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