Oddly Enough Blog

The club doesn’t have a dress code, huh?

Welcome to another edition of our popular feature, “Stuff Maybe We Should Have Mentioned in the Photo Caption, but didn’t.”

For newcomers to the blog, the concept is simple. We just show photos that seem to raise a lot of unanswered questions.

Take these pictures of “Toni,” for instance. The caption says she’s standing on the street in Toronto, “half naked to promote her private club.”

Really? Maybe I just need to get up to Toronto more often, but what the hell kind of club does Toni have? Are these stamp collectors? Origami enthusiasts?

I mean, Toni’s club may be private, but she doesn’t have anything else that is. If you want privacy, don’t stand outside with your dress down around your knees, which tends to attract the riff-raff pretty fast.

But I’ve said enough. I don’t want to jeopardize my online application to the club.

The best of July, a definite pattern?

Well, it’s time to look at the blog traffic statistics for July, and never has there been a clearer pattern.

Of the 10 most-read items, SEVEN were about the Duchess of Cambridge and her six-month visit to every city, town and hamlet in Canada.

Okay, I get the message. My readers want all the news they can get about Canada.

Another TWO of the top 10 were about a gigantic marijuana plantation, so I guess readers are interested in agriculture, as well.

But here’s the neat thing. The number two item for July was just plain fun, an absurd, pun-filled post about some lingerie for guys who like to read in bed. Readers flocked to it, and left a huge number of comments as well.

That one makes me very happy. My readers are the best.

You’re kidding me, right? Right?

Blog Guy, everybody knows you give the best travel advice. I’m out of my mind, like totally nuts, and I’m looking for a good vacation spot.

Have you been to that viewing platform I wrote about in the Bavarian Alps?

Of course. Opening day.

How about The Ledge at the Sears Tower in Chicago?

Been there.

That walkway over the Grand Canyon?

Duchess? It has a certain ring to it…

Blog Guy, thanks for all your coverage of the royal visit by Britain’s Prince William and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge. I guess it served its purpose, to raise their profile, huh?

Oh grow up. You think this visit was about them? The Brits have the single most famous piece of jewelry on earth, Catherine’s 18-carat sapphire and diamond ring, and they want to make sure it keeps circulating.

I gather market research and found there were a couple of people in North America who hadn’t seen it, so it was time to correct that.

They arranged a whole royal tour just to show off a ring?

Sure. It’s in almost every shot of Catherine on the trip, playfully sparkling for the cameras. You think that was an accident?

The stage is comin’ with a duchess on it!

Crap, Willy, what now? What is this thing taking us into town?

It’s a stagecoach, Duchess! Great, huh?  Conestoga wagon, prairie schooner, buckboard…

Shut up. They don’t have big limousines in Calgary?

Not so much, I guess.

Sigh. What’s on our schedule for day number 840 in Canada?

Uh, let’s see. Hey, it looks like we’re taking part in some kind of a Village People retrospective…

I can fix this one up real good, Duchess!

Blog Guy, I know you have close ties to Britain’s royal family, so maybe you can answer a question. Why are Prince William and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, spending so much time in Canada?

I’m really not supposed to say.

Look, we’ve been through this before. If you put it in your blog, nobody will even see it.

Okay. William is shopping for a used car.

Are you kidding me? He can’t find used cars in Britain?

Sure, but he thinks he can get a better deal in Canada. He likes to inspect the vehicles, kick the tires, that sort of thing.

How much can one duchess take?

Blog Guy, you wrote about Prince William and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, watching a bagpiper a few days ago during their visit to Canada.

From what I’ve seen, they are being subjected to a lot of that.

Very true, and nobody has studied the effects of prolonged bagpipe exposure on normal people. In this photo above, taken yesterday, it appears Catherine is starting to crack.

Remember, as a commoner, she hasn’t built up a bagpipe immunity like some of the royals have.

It seems like a very cruel punishment, I must say.

I guess it’s the price you pay to get free food and wear above-average jewelry.

William, what year is it here?

Blog Guy, I’ve been reading your stories about Britain’s Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and their visit to Canada. With her incredible fashion sense, I’m guessing she must really be dazzling those Canadians.

Well, they don’t quite know what to make of her modern outfits, since your typical Canadian still dresses kind of turn-of-the-century.

You mean like they wear fashions from the year 2000?

No, the turn-of-the-century before that. Like in this photo above, where you can see William and Catherine walking among average Canadians festooned in their finery.

Holy crap! Are you kidding me? What is Canada, just a great big Seurat painting?

Now that you mention it, pretty much.

Cooking with Catherine: The Barefoot Duchess?

Blog Guy, thanks for finally giving us some coverage of William and Catherine’s royal tour of Canada. We want more!

Well, Catherine did a cooking workshop at the Institut de tourisme et d’hotellerie du Quebec, in Montreal.

Whoa! Please translate that into English! The Institut de tourisme et d’hotellerie du Quebec?

My French is pretty rusty, but I’m pretty sure it means The Institutionalized Hostile Tourists.

Anyway, there appears to be some kind of “gotcha” moment going on here, judging from the finger-pointing and mocking. I gather she made a huge mistake.

Gosh, how bad could it have been?

We’ve got fresh Kate, direct from Canada!

Blog Guy, I have a complaint. Kate Middleton has been in Canada for several days now and you’ve written nothing about it, even though some of your readers are seriously addicted to her.

Look, I no longer actually cover stories, but I’m a professional, so I can wing it by looking at our photo file. Here you go.

In this top picture, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and her husband are engaging in an activity I know very well, making bagpiper jokes.

Really? That seems very cruel and insensitive.

Hey, he’s only a bagpiper. Look, they’re laughing and taunting him. Wish I was there.

I’m not sure I believe you. What about that next picture?