Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I’ve put together a loose-leaf notebook of your very helpful career advice, but sometimes I’m not totally clear on what you’re saying.
Sorry, I will try to be more direct. Here is a tip for you: if your job allows you to see firsthand whether a tiger still has has its tonsils, then your guidance counselor may have let you down.
Nope, I still don’t get your point.
Okay. What I’m saying is, at NO TIME during the course of your working shift should you be in a position to lose your contact lens in a jungle animal’s throat. Let’s see, how else can I put it? If you can tell for certain that a tiger had garlic sauce on his gazelle for lunch, then take three steps backward and call in sick.
Blog Guy, I got a new lathe for Christmas, and it made me wonder. Are there instruction manuals for power tools in every single language?
No. In many places, local do-it-yourselfers just gather in public and experiment with their new tools until they figure them out. Much is lost in translation, and this scene here seems to be a catastrophe in the making. Sort of like that time they tried mastering their new blowtorches.
Blog Guy, I got a glossy brochure asking me to consider a career as a “recortador.” I know you give great career advice. My college friends and I are wondering if we should try this when we graduate in May.
To be honest, no. This photo shows all you need to know about recordators, who work with no weapons and just hop over the intended victim in a bullfight. Look, even if you majored in English lit, you should be able to land a better gig than this.
Blog Guy, we all appreciate the wise career advice you give in your blog. Recently you reported on the worst job for a guy. Are there also bottom-of-the-barrel jobs for women, so I can avoid them?
Yes. Every year there is this huge chicken wing-eating competition, and I always notice the “Wingettes” – women who wear sexy outfits and are supposed to appear interested in whether the contestants are choking to death.
Blog guy, I know you’ve given a lot of good career advice, helping to steer recent college grads away from bad jobs, so I’m wondering if you’ve seen rock bottom. I mean, a career path that is worse than all the awful ones you’ve warned us about.
You mean, one where I think wow, if that dude took a job looking down gun barrels or putting snakes in his mouth it would be a promotion? Yes, that would be Fernando Aguirre, an Osama bin Laden look-alike.
Well, I do have a quick quiz I often use. Look down. Are you standing on top of thousands of fireworks? Now, look in your hand. Are you pouring gasoline on those fireworks?
I hate to say I told you so, but it was just two months ago that a reader was tempted by glossy brochures about jobs in the exciting world of drug-smuggling homemade submarines. I advised him against it in a post called “Gosh, this sub really dives fast!”
Sure enough, some smugglers were just caught on their way from Colombia to the U.S., and as bad as that is for them, getting arrested is the best thing that can go wrong in one of these cheesy boats. Here are some common things you hear on a homemade sub:
Quick question: this newsphoto shows… The mosh pit at an over-40 club A humiliating intervention for some guy who wears too many blue shirts An Asian production of Julius Caesar South Korean politicians wiping the floor with each other
The correct answer is the last one. For you newcomers, a scene with this much chaos and violence usually involves lawmakers in Bolivia or Taipei or someplace, where now and then the fists start flying as part of the deliberation process. If you watch the whole video you’ll see one dude carried out on a stretcher. Check it out:
Lawmakers of the ruling United New Democratic Party struggle with lawmakers of the main opposition Grand National Party occupying the National Assembly speaker’s podium at the National Assembly’s main chamber in Seoul December 14, 2007. REUTERS/Han Jae-Ho
I’m always looking for careers that might interest my readers, and you recent grads may want to consider the exciting field of professional mourning. It turns out, some families will pay total strangers to sob, convulse and crawl on the ground at funerals.
You’re thinking, Bob, that sounds too easy, but it’s not. You just try weeping on command. Generally, people who can do that break down into several groups: