Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Time to slather on more makeup, honey!

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model saner combo this one 490

Blog Guy, I’m an 18-year-old girl and I want to be a model, but my parents won’t let me take modeling classes!

model combo apple line 300Can you please tell them what a glamorous and exciting life fashion models lead?

Sure. Just for you, I sent a photographer to follow a professional model at this week’s fashion show in Paris.

Thank you! Now tell me what we’re seeing here. Don’t leave anything out.

Look at the knockers on that place!

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TUNISIA/

Blog Guy, my daughter just got a degree in creative writing and film studies. Any suggestions for a job?

Sure. Increasingly, people in nice big houses are hiring human door knockers to hang on their front doors, as kind of a status thing. You get to work with people and be outdoors.

Scram! It’s a real drug bust!

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drug suspect this 490

Blog Guy,  I’m thinking about becoming a drug dealer, or maybe even a drug kingpin, but fashion is important to me.  Can you give me some idea of the dress code for this exciting field?

drug suspect flipflops 300Well, first I should advise you strongly against choosing this profession. It is illegal in many states, and even some foreign countries.

In words of one syllable, you’re nuts…

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CHINA/

Blog Guy, my doctor sent me to you for some career advice. I need a job that works with some, uh, small quirks I have.

Quirks? Well, your timing is good. I was just thumbing through a glossy brochure called “Your Future in Hippopotamus Hygiene.”

Nothing could be finer than be waiting for a rhiner….

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Blog Guy, you’re famous for your career advice, especially about jobs that should be avoided. I’m going through brochures now looking for something suitable, and wondered if there is anything new I should be wary of.

KENYA/

Yeah. No matter what the brochures say, avoid being a “Great Big Rhinoceros Catcher.”

Grads, harness your naked ambition!

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Blog Guy, I graduated from college in June and I’m looking for a job. Everybody knows you give great career advice, so I’m open to suggestions.

Let me help you. Tell me what you studied in school.

CHINA/

I had a double major, creative writing and film studies…

Wow, and you’re STILL unemployed? Are you willing to pull your own weight? Do you enjoy working outdoors near the water?

The glamorous world of foreign hernias

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BELARUS/

Blog Guy, thanks for the useful career advice for us recent grads. I have a batch of glossy brochures for promising careers overseas, and I’m hoping you can help me narrow my search.

Here’s one from a place called Ukraine, entitled, “The Thrilling World of Tire Delivery!”

Okay, make a wish!

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INDIA-ECONOMY/

Blog Guy, you occasionally offer advice on jobs we should stay away from, and I wondered if you’ve seen anything recently.

Yes. This photo illustrates a very good example of a field not to pursue if you can avoid it.

Pull up your socks, Dobbin!

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COLOMBIA/

Blog Guy, I’m a recent college graduate and I need  your help finding a suitable career. My mom got me a colorful brochure called “The Exciting World of Putting Socks on Horses,” and I wondered what you think of that career path.

Forget it. Listen to me. How long have you known about horseshoes?

horse socks 240All my life, why?

And how long have you known about horse SOCKS?

Um, about ten minutes, just since I got the brochures.

Right. So if you don’t know about ‘em, horses don’t know about ‘em, and they do not adapt quickly to new articles of clothing.

We do have some job openings, Lamar

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ASIA-WEATHER/

Mr. Johnson, it’s me. They told me I had to show up in person at the employment office to prove I’m willing to take work. So here I am, what do you have for me?

Ah. Let’s see here, Lamar, we have several slots for workers who can put large stones into bags, lug them out into a raging river and hurl them to reinforce some dikes in a flood.