Blog Guy, I have an unusual fashion problem.  

I work in Hell. Oh, don’t seem so surprised. It’s a service industry just like anything else! We greet the newcomers, stoke the fires, cook the Brussels sprouts, and so on.

I want clothes that fit with the mood, but still let me have a social life. Outfits that say, ”Welcome to eternal damnation, do you know anybody looking for a fun time?”

Sure! I get the statement you want to make. It’s like, ”I’m Lady Death, but hey, I have a whimsical side, too!” I think some creations from this Paris show would be perfect for you.

Related post: Evening, Mrs. Vader. Darth is over there…

Model presents creations by Japanese designer Yohji Yamamoto as part of his Fall/Winter 2008/09 women’s ready-to-wear fashion show in Paris February 25, 2008. REUTERS/ Gonzalo Fuentes

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We have a story about a breeder of fighting bulls who  plans to clone his best stud. The stud sired two bulls that impressed a famous bullfighter named El Juli so much that we’re told he “keeps their heads mounted at home.”

Excuse me? Where I’m from, we don’t say, ”That’s a real impressive dog you have there, Judy! I’d like to hang its head in my rec room.” 

I’m guessing El Juli didn’t wait for those bulls to die of natural causes, either. It sounds like he has issues with expressing positive emotions in a healthy way. 

Maybe El Juli could try saying: ”What a wonderful bull! I will pay for him to spend the rest of his days sitting under a cork tree, just smelling the flowers.” For more details, refer to Ferdinand.

Spanish bullfighter Julian Lopez “El Juli” tries to get a bull’s attention during a bullfight in the northern Spanish town of Gijon, August 13, 2006. REUTERS/Eloy Alonso

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Blog Guy, I’ve put together a loose-leaf notebook of your very helpful career advice, but sometimes I’m not totally clear on what you’re saying.

Sorry, I will try to be more direct. Here is a tip for you: if your job allows you to see firsthand whether a tiger still has has its tonsils, then your guidance counselor may have let you down.

Nope, I still don’t get your point.

Okay. What I’m saying is, at NO TIME during the course of your working shift should you be in a position to lose your contact lens in a jungle animal’s throat. Let’s see, how else can I put it? If you can tell for certain that a tiger had garlic sauce on his gazelle for lunch, then take three steps backward and call in sick.

A trainer puts his head inside a tiger’s mouth during a performance at a zoo in Xiamen, Fujian province, February 16, 2008. Picture taken February 16, 2008. REUTERS/China Daily

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Blog Guy, I got a new lathe for Christmas, and it made me wonder. Are there instruction manuals for power tools in every single language?

No. In many places, local do-it-yourselfers just gather in public and experiment with their new tools until they figure them out. Much is lost in translation, and this scene here seems to be a catastrophe in the making. Sort of like that time they tried mastering their new blowtorches.

Stuntmen perform in a park to celebrate the new Chinese lunar year in Xiangfan February 9, 2008. REUTERS/Stringer

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Blog Guy, I got a glossy brochure asking me to consider a career as a “recortador.” I know you give great career advice. My college friends and I are wondering if we should try this when we graduate in May.

To be honest, no. This photo shows all you need to know about recordators, who work with no weapons and just hop over the intended victim in a bullfight. Look, even if you majored in English lit, you should be able to land a better gig than this.

“Hello Mister Bull, I’ll be your recortador tonight, and I won’t fight back if you want to gore me. For your convenience, I’ll just leap like an idiot until you see a spot you’d like to stick your horns in.”

Related news: Publicity shot from “Superman Returns to Pamplona”

A Spanish recortador jumps over a bull during the rehearsal ceremony of the World Bull Fair in Seville, February 5, 2008. REUTERS/Marcelo del Pozo

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Blog Guy, we all appreciate the wise career advice you give in your blog. Recently you reported on the worst job for a guy. Are there also bottom-of-the-barrel jobs for women, so I can avoid them?

Yes. Every year there is this huge chicken wing-eating competition, and I always notice the “Wingettes” - women who wear sexy outfits and are supposed to appear interested in whether the contestants are choking to death.

I realize it’s just acting, and they don’t really care. But it just seems to me that if your job is to show cleavage at some low-rent spectacle while staring at vile, greasy mouths to see if food is going in or coming out - a strong indicator of whether something has gone very wrong - then maybe your guidance counselor has had a big laugh at your expense.

A Wing Bowl slideshow:

Reigning Wing Bowl champion Joey Chestnut reacts after winning the 16th annual Wing Bowl event in Philadelphia, February 1, 2008. REUTERS  photos by Tim Shaffer

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Blog guy, I know you’ve given a lot of good career advice, helping to steer recent college grads away from bad jobs, so I’m wondering if you’ve seen rock bottom. I mean, a career path that is worse than all the awful ones you’ve warned us about.

You mean, one where I think wow, if that dude took a job looking down gun barrels or putting snakes in his mouth it would be a promotion? Yes, that would be Fernando Aguirre, an Osama bin Laden look-alike.

Wow! I see what you mean! And where does he work?

He patrols the most dangerous slums of Bogota, Colombia, and reports small crimes to police.

He does what? Yikes! Still, I see in the picture he carries a pretty wicked rifle.

Yeah. It’s a toy. I’m not making this up. Here’s a slideshow of Fernando on the “job” and here is a video report…

Fernando Aguirre, locally known as Osama Bin Laden, patrols a slum in Bogota January 17, 2008. REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

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Blog Guy, in the past you’ve given great tips to help dudes like me figure out whether we made good career choices. Is there any single litmus test that works?

Well, I do have a quick quiz I often use. Look down. Are you standing on top of thousands of fireworks? Now, look in your hand. Are you pouring gasoline on those fireworks?

If you answered YES to both questions, you may have made bad career choices. Take a moment, light up a cigarette, and give it some serious thought. For further helpful tips, check out earlier posts such as Free advice from the Blog of Death, and Kind of a Daffy vocational move? Good luck, and I care.

Worker pours gas on confiscated fireworks in Harbin, Heilongjiang province, January 7, 2008.  REUTERS/China Daily

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I hate to say I told you so, but it was just two months ago that a reader was tempted by glossy brochures about jobs in the exciting world of drug-smuggling homemade submarines. I advised him against it in a post called “Gosh, this sub really dives fast!”

Sure enough, some smugglers were just caught on their way from Colombia to the U.S., and as bad as that is for them, getting arrested is the best thing that can go wrong in one of these cheesy boats. Here are some common things you hear on a homemade sub:

• “Captain, it looks like this up-and-down switch only goes down”
• “Hey, this bathroom door is stuck - oh wait, it’s only painted on!”
• “So like, what do we use these COCAINE STORAGE BINS for?”
• “Shouldn’t you have shown an important film on emergency safety procedures before we left port?”

Crew members of a homemade sub are arrested by Colombian navy personnel near Buenaventura January 3, 2008. REUTERS/ Colombian Navy/Handout 

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Quick question: this newsphoto shows…

1. The mosh pit at an over-40 club
2. A humiliating intervention for some guy who wears too many blue shirts
3. An Asian production of Julius Caesar
4. South Korean politicians wiping the floor with each other

The correct answer is the last one. For you newcomers, a scene with this much chaos and violence usually involves lawmakers in Bolivia or Taipei or someplace, where now and then the fists start flying as part of the deliberation process. If you watch the whole video you’ll see one dude carried out on a stretcher. Check it out:

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Lawmakers of the ruling United New Democratic Party struggle with lawmakers of the main opposition Grand National Party occupying the National Assembly speaker’s podium at the National Assembly’s main chamber in Seoul December 14, 2007. REUTERS/Han Jae-Ho