Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I just graduated from college and I’m looking for a job. A recruiter sent me a glossy brochure called “The Exciting World of Feeding Giant Reptiles,” and I wondered what you know about opportunities in that field.
Several recent grads have asked me the same thing. I’ve seen that brochure, with the folksy quotes from such legendary reptile feeders as Stumpy, Lefty and Elbow Willie.
While I understand the attraction of being able to put your hand in a blue plastic bucket of raw meat anytime you want, I just can’t recommend this career path.
The thing is, research is still being done on the subject of how far out of the water large crocodiles can leap, and there are indications that many of them have been holding back, if you catch my drift.
Blog Guy, I want to enlist in the military, but I need to be sure I’m in the most bad-ass, macho, kick-butt outfit my country has to offer. So what should I ask for? Afghanistan? Iraq?
No, you should demand to join Hell Squad.
You know, the famed Hell Squad! Our elite unit that makes forays into Hades. Perdition. The Inferno. Across the River Styx. Like where Satan lives. Here’s a picture of them in action, although it only shows the nicer part of Hell.
I see we have a story offering etiquette tips on how to dress for the office during the summer. This helps me a lot, because my “office” is in my home. My coworkers are two dogs and two cats, so I’m afraid my dress code may be slipping as the heat rolls in. I need some good advice.
“Sandals are iffy for men. Be sure your feet look and smell appropriate for business…”
Blog Guy, it seems like mostly you write about jobs to avoid. How about some positive career advice? Aren’t there any GREAT jobs out there?
You bet, and here I’m talking especially to you men. Every major fashion show employs a Chest Checker, and if you can score one of these jobs, you’re set for life.
A reader writes, “Bob, I’m looking for a career, but I get bored reading all the fine print in online job postings. Are there any shortcuts?”
Well sure. What you do is set up a filter so that job descriptions containing certain words or phrases just don’t show up at all, thus freeing up much more of your time for watching “Starsky and Hutch” reruns. The trick is to block just the right stuff, so use my list, which is based on years of career advice.
Blog Guy, I hear your career advice is great. I’m graduating soon, and I’ll be looking for something good. My dad always said I should have a desk job.
Then I’ve got a great career path for you. Check out this guy in the photo. That could be you.
Somebody needs to help me out with this one. We have TWO photos purporting to show fashion models “listening to instructions” before presenting creations at a fashion show.
I can buy a team of surgeons getting final instructions before creating the Six Million Dollar Man, but what kind of instructions do models need to hear?
Blog Guy, I’m graduating from college in May and I’m looking for an interesting career. Somebody gave me a colorful brochure on “The Exciting Field of Unexploded Ordnance Collecting,” and I wondered what you thought of that.
Look, I know it sounds glamorous, but I don’t recommend it.
See, the phrase “unexploded ordnance” is an incomplete thought. It really means ordnance that hasn’t exploded YET.
Blog Guy, your career advice has been invaluable to others, and I want to run something past you. Some recruiters came to our college and handed out brochures about entering the exciting field of Improvised Explosive Devices. Do you think I should consider this?
Hmmm. I can’t honestly support a choice like that. Sure, it LOOKS glamorous, and lying on your back wearing a ski mask, covered with some really bad camouflage and holding a bomb may SEEM like a pretty easy gig…
Blog Guy, the presidents of those Latin American countries like Venezuela and Cuba, do they make much money? I mean, can you earn a good living doing that?
Well, it’s tough, but most of them are allowed to supplement their government incomes with commercial endorsements, product placement, stuff like that.