Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

News is skimpy on the bikini beat

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victoria-2-160.jpgBlog Guy, I’m very interested in how news is covered. Let’s say you hear about something new. How do you cover it?

Well, let’s take news from Victoria’s Secret. It turns out they’re going to be selling their swimsuits in stores, instead of just online and in catalogs. This is big news, because with summer coming, women are facing a shortage of places to buy beach wear. Some cities are down to their last four or five thousand shops!

I hear you. That IS a big story, especially with online and catalog shopping being so tough. So then, you would send a reporter to learn more about this and write a story, huh?

Are you stupid? No! We’d send a photographer to shoot the swimsuit models! Heck, another major news organization sent TWO photographers on this story!

Go on, holler sumpthin’ at him, Earl!

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fist-crop-140.jpgClinical study, day one: Researchers, we recently became aware of Fashion Model Rage, thanks to the respected journal Oddly Enough. I presume you read the relevant papers, The age of runway rage? and Why so crabby, Abby?, which got us our $8.2 million study grant.

Pay attention to our first subject. We dressed a model in a shiny suit four sizes too small, and a Doc Holliday string tie. Note he cannot button his jacket and breathe at the same time, thus instantly raising his anxiety level. We adapted the outfit from a 1640s sketch of a Puritan undertaker.

Showing the remains of the day…

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fashion-death-300.jpgBlog Guy, it’s that time of month again. What were the most popular postings in your blog? I have a lot of money riding on that one about using dead models in fashion shows. Am I right?

Car Pool Fool

You know, I still think you and your car pool pals should be betting on something other than this, or maybe even saving up in case your kids get into college. But I have to admit you may be pleased with the March results.

Hey! You with the big red nose!

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clown-3-crop-160.jpgDear Mom and Dad,

Sorry it’s been so long since I last wrote. Madrid is still great! I love the people here! This morning on the metro there were a bunch of clowns, passing out brochures and joking with passengers. You know, doing the things clowns do.

Like, this one clown had a long white stick and he was going up some stairs acting like he was blind! Criminy! I laughed until I… well you know, actually I didn’t laugh. What on Earth is supposed to be funny about that, anyway? Don’t they get what clowns are supposed to do?

The most unlucky guy on Earth?

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Maybe he’s not quite the unluckiest guy alive, but he’ll do until Mr. Unlucky comes along. A shepherd in Russia is suing his country’s space agency after a 10-foot-long chunk of metal from a rocket fell into his yard, just missing his outdoor toilet.

He wasn’t in it at the time, but it’s still way too close for me. Would you want your obit to say you died when space rubble pulverized your outhouse? “Hold your horses, honey, I’m almost done! Can you toss in another roll of Charmin, so I can…”

Like they don’t have enough problems?

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It’s time once again for our regular feature, Things Maybe We Should Have Mentioned in the Caption, but Didn’t. The genuine caption for this news photo from Iraq tells us these police graduates are demonstrating their “skills.”

Huh? What skills are we talking about here? Since when is getting run over considered skilled labor?

Outdoor job, working with animals

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gaucho-2.jpgBlog Guy, I’m graduating in May, and you seem to have slowed down your career advice at the very time we need it the most. What other tips can you give to college seniors?

Here’s something. If you answer a job ad looking for somebody to ride horses, look in front of the word horses. If you see the word wild there, hang up the phone.

Simon says, cover your eyes!

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hats-crop-140.jpg“Just a second there, private!

“You! Number 62,349 from the left, and 127,835 from the front! You’re peeking! I am telling you right now, we are not going to continue this game until everybody covers their eyes.

“That’s better. Now, Simon says use your little fingers to stretch your cheeks and stick out your tongues! Great! Does this army know how to have fun, or what? Okay, who’s up for some carry-out?”

Lookin’ hot out here in the Styx

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fashion-black-2-180.jpgBlog Guy, I have an unusual fashion problem.

I work in Hell. Oh, don’t seem so surprised. It’s a service industry just like anything else! We greet the newcomers, stoke the fires, cook the Brussels sprouts, and so on.

I want clothes that fit with the mood, but still let me have a social life. Outfits that say, ”Welcome to eternal damnation, do you know anybody looking for a fun time?”

Try not to impress him very much…

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juli-crop.jpgWe have a story about a breeder of fighting bulls who  plans to clone his best stud. The stud sired two bulls that impressed a famous bullfighter named El Juli so much that we’re told he “keeps their heads mounted at home.”

Excuse me? Where I’m from, we don’t say, ”That’s a real impressive dog you have there, Judy! I’d like to hang its head in my rec room.”