Quick quiz: Where would be a really stupid place to sell booze?

a) churches

b) kindergartens

c) hospitals

d) gas stations

Okay, they’re all pretty stupid, but I guess I’m going to say gas stations, because you really can buy liquor there in Lithuania. I’m not making this up.

But in a clear example of jack-booted repression, on January 1 it became illegal for gas stations to sell liquor at night.

I mean, what could go wrong with a carload of yokels pulling off the highway, filling their tank, buying a couple of handles of vodka and roaring off into the darkness?

To answer an obvious question, police data show that alcohol-related accidents have dropped by 45 percent since the ban was imposed. Nevertheless, an oil and gas company is fighting the ban, saying it may force them to start closing their stations at night and laying off workers.

Well boo-hoo! My own personal opinion is that they should continue the ban at gas stations, and just sell their booze at highway toll booths, instead.

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Above: Women play in mud during international music festival “Be2gether” in Lithuania, June 13, 2009. REUTERS/Vasily Fedosenko

Left: A man flashes a victory sign as more than 150 truck and bus drivers take part in a protest against the rising price of fuel in Vilnius, Lithuania, in 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Ints Kalnins

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Welcome back to my regular feature, “Bad Places to Nap.” Like for example the tattoo parlor, as we saw yesterday, or a railroad track.

People often say to me, “Bob, what are the very worst places to fall asleep?”

In my book, number one would be Somalia. Following that, in the number two slot, is anyplace where a 1955 Chevy Bel Air could fall off a wall and squash you.

Here we see a security guard making the mistake hundreds of people make each year, spotting a wall-mounted Bel Air and nodding off underneath it. Most of them never wake up.

What all classic car fanciers know is that the wall-hangers that came with the Bel Air were notoriously unreliable and shouldn’t even have been used to hang an automobile half its size.

Out of consideration for the squeamish, I’m going to spare you the photo that was taken just ten minutes after this one.

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A security guard sleeps under a car displayed on a wall at Walking Street in Pattaya, a resort town about 90 miles south of Bangkok, June 15, 2009. REUTERS/Sukree Sukplang

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I have to chuckle at the Honda folks, who have unveiled a “dog-friendly” SUV.

Honda hasn’t said how much the dog features will cost, but they’ve got a cushioned dog bed, a built-in water bowl, a bone design inside and a paw logo.

I read this story to my own mutts, Shelby and Eddie, and they’re still laughing.

My pets say if you really want car-happy dogs, here’s what you need:

• Slits in the leather upholstery; easier to take hold and start chewing.
• Lose the roof, so they can feel the breeze and let their tongues flop freely.
• Squeakers embedded in every seat.
• An interior you can hose down, much like our own living room.
• A dashboard push-button cheese dispenser you can operate with a paw.

That’s what THEY call dog-friendly! And if the Obamas are smart, they’re already personalizing the  presidential limo for their new dog Bo.

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Above: Shelby and Eddie, designing a truly dog-friendly car.

Below: Heather Cammisa with the Humane Society and a dog named Sammy demonstrate dog- friendly features. REUTERS /Lucas Jackson

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Blog Guy, do you think our elected officials feel the pain people are going through in this economic meltdown?

Yes, I do. I know for example that President Obama has been trying to buy a a new car here in Washington, because he doesn’t feel right about always having to ask the Secret Service to take him places.

He’s finding out how tough it is to get credit these days. He picked out a car at a showroom, but then they did a credit check on him and it wasn’t pretty.

The President of the United States has a bad credit rating?

Sure, look at the stuff the credit agencies monitor. They reported to the dealership that this Obama guy…

• recently moved to a new city
• has been in his current job for only two months
• doesn’t own his current home
• lives in a non-residential downtown area

That’s the kind of stuff that gives lenders the heebie-jeebies. No wonder he’s sweating the results.

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Above: President Barack Obama wipes his face at a town hall meeting in Costa Mesa, California, March 18, 2009.

Below: Obama  tours the “Garage of the Future” at the Edison Electric Vehicle Technical Center in Pomona, California, March 19, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Larry Downing

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Blog Guy, I’m back for more of your professional photo advice.

I understand that there are commercial aspects to photojournalism, and I’m ready for that. You know, shooting gadgets, expensive toys. Can I have some tips for shooting a big glitzy auto show?

Sure. You want to make the new models look very hot and sexy.

Thanks! So which parts should I shoot?

Parts? Well, here are some photos from the Geneva Car Show that is going on now. I guess you should focus on legs, thighs, curves…

Wait a second. Aren’t we talking about CARS?

Cars? Are you stupid? When I said MODELS, I meant… Oh, never mind, you seem to be hopeless when it comes to real news photography!

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Models at the Geneva, Switzerland, Car Show, March 2-4. REUTERS photos by Denis Balibouse, Arnd Wiegmann, Valentin Flauraud

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“Yes, Mr. Ferguson, I was going over your insurance claim, and I notice your car had to be removed from a second-story church roof.

“I have to tell you, Mr. Ferguson, car-in-the-roof accidents aren’t too common around here, so we hoped you could explain…

“Ah, I see! You were SPEEDING, and then you missed a BEND in the road, drove up an embankment, launched into the air…

“And then you FLEW 35 yards, and smashed into a House of God!

“Well, I’m sorry Mr. Ferguson, but technically that means you were in an airplane accident, which you’re not covered for… Now, for the future, I can sell you…”

Video report

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Frame grabs taken from TV footage show emergency services at the scene of a car lodged in the roof of a church following an accident in Limbach-Oberfrohna in Saxony, Germany, January 26, 2009. The driver was severely injured in the incident. REUTERS/ Reuters TV

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Friends, I’ve never asked you for money for a charity, but I’ve never been this outraged before!

The actual caption for this photo says the new presidential limo “sits in front of the White House.”

Well, that’s just tacky! You know who parks in front of their house? Folks who can’t afford a garage, or even a carport.

Let’s get that limo off the street! Please join me in raising enough money to build a real two-car garage for the nation’s most famous home. I’d like to get enough to include remote-control garage doors, too!

Send whatever you can afford, to “A First Garage for the First Family.”

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The new presidential limo for President Barack Obama sits in front of the White House in Washington January 22, 2009. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

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Nobody has ever accused me of being a real sensitive guy or too politically correct or anything, but…

Check out this sad photo from a car show in Germany, where some imbecile has used overweight models with the slogan, “HOT CARS DON’T NEED HOT GIRLS.” You suppose he’s proud of himself?

The really scary thing about it is, the t-shirts and signs at this GERMAN show are in ENGLISH! Did market research find that the most loutish demographic on the face of the Earth is English-speakers who attend German auto shows?

“Woo-hoo! The neanderthals are here, Günther! Bring out those roly-poly gals and the English signs with the one-syllable words!”

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Models pose with cars during a press presentation prior to the Essen Motor Show in Essen, Germany, November 28, 2008. REUTERS/ Ina Fassbender

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Blog Guy, what’s the new “miracle” material for this century?

No question, it’s bamboo. It’s the new cotton, the new plastic, maybe even the new lunch meat. Catch the model below, decked out in an outfit so timeless it’s Neanderthal! And, check this spiffy, eco-friendly bamboo car!

Wow! Who first began designing in bamboo?

The famous Alamo hero, Jim Bowie. Bamboo floats, so he made buoys out of it.

I think he also created Drambuie.

Yes, and he gave Chinese food and raunchy rock music to early Americans, too.

Um, where’s this going? I’m scared.

He threw Jim Bowie Drambuie Chop Suey “Louie Louie” bamboo buoy parties.

That’s moronic beyond all human comprehension!

Thanks! Then could you Digg it or Twitter it or Stumble it or something? Do it now!

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“Bamgoo”, an electric car with a body made out of bamboo, is displayed in Kyoto, Japan November 14, 2008. REUTERS/Issei Kato

Model presents a creation by Belarussian designer Anna Ostrovskaya during the Festival of Vanguard Art, Mammoth, in Minsk, November 16, 2008. REUTERS/Vladimir Nikolsky

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Blog Guy, the gas crisis is really hard on people here with big SUVs. I hear that over in Europe, they drive smaller cars - maybe like our sedans?

They’re a LOT more energy-responsible than that, my friend. Here are some traffic shots from Germany this week. As you can see, average folks can barely fit a single knee into one of their mid-size cars.

That’s amazing! I guess they never get up much speed?

Oh, that part is okay. Most German roads go entirely downhill. But it can get ugly when they have to steer themselves home from Oktoberfest.

But…but…I keep hearing about those German roads with no speed limit at all!

Sure. But they’re only two-feet-wide.

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Greenpeace activists protest German automobile politics in front of Reichstag building in Berlin October 30, 2008. REUTERS/Hannibal Hanschke

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