Blog Guy, I’m back for more of your professional photo advice.

I understand that there are commercial aspects to photojournalism, and I’m ready for that. You know, shooting gadgets, expensive toys. Can I have some tips for shooting a big glitzy auto show?

Sure. You want to make the new models look very hot and sexy.

Thanks! So which parts should I shoot?

Parts? Well, here are some photos from the Geneva Car Show that is going on now. I guess you should focus on legs, thighs, curves…

Wait a second. Aren’t we talking about CARS?

Cars? Are you stupid? When I said MODELS, I meant… Oh, never mind, you seem to be hopeless when it comes to real news photography!

Find inner peace! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Models at the Geneva, Switzerland, Car Show, March 2-4. REUTERS photos by Denis Balibouse, Arnd Wiegmann, Valentin Flauraud

More stuff from Oddly Enough

“Yes, Mr. Ferguson, I was going over your insurance claim, and I notice your car had to be removed from a second-story church roof.

“I have to tell you, Mr. Ferguson, car-in-the-roof accidents aren’t too common around here, so we hoped you could explain…

“Ah, I see! You were SPEEDING, and then you missed a BEND in the road, drove up an embankment, launched into the air…

“And then you FLEW 35 yards, and smashed into a House of God!

“Well, I’m sorry Mr. Ferguson, but technically that means you were in an airplane accident, which you’re not covered for… Now, for the future, I can sell you…”

Video report

You can’t be turned down! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Frame grabs taken from TV footage show emergency services at the scene of a car lodged in the roof of a church following an accident in Limbach-Oberfrohna in Saxony, Germany, January 26, 2009. The driver was severely injured in the incident. REUTERS/ Reuters TV

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Friends, I’ve never asked you for money for a charity, but I’ve never been this outraged before!

The actual caption for this photo says the new presidential limo “sits in front of the White House.”

Well, that’s just tacky! You know who parks in front of their house? Folks who can’t afford a garage, or even a carport.

Let’s get that limo off the street! Please join me in raising enough money to build a real two-car garage for the nation’s most famous home. I’d like to get enough to include remote-control garage doors, too!

Send whatever you can afford, to “A First Garage for the First Family.”

You can’t be turned down! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

The new presidential limo for President Barack Obama sits in front of the White House in Washington January 22, 2009. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Nobody has ever accused me of being a real sensitive guy or too politically correct or anything, but…

Check out this sad photo from a car show in Germany, where some imbecile has used overweight models with the slogan, “HOT CARS DON’T NEED HOT GIRLS.” You suppose he’s proud of himself?

The really scary thing about it is, the t-shirts and signs at this GERMAN show are in ENGLISH! Did market research find that the most loutish demographic on the face of the Earth is English-speakers who attend German auto shows?

“Woo-hoo! The neanderthals are here, Günther! Bring out those roly-poly gals and the English signs with the one-syllable words!”

Like you have anything better to do! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Models pose with cars during a press presentation prior to the Essen Motor Show in Essen, Germany, November 28, 2008. REUTERS/ Ina Fassbender

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, what’s the new “miracle” material for this century?

No question, it’s bamboo. It’s the new cotton, the new plastic, maybe even the new lunch meat. Catch the model below, decked out in an outfit so timeless it’s Neanderthal! And, check this spiffy, eco-friendly bamboo car!

Wow! Who first began designing in bamboo?

The famous Alamo hero, Jim Bowie. Bamboo floats, so he made buoys out of it.

I think he also created Drambuie.

Yes, and he gave Chinese food and raunchy rock music to early Americans, too.

Um, where’s this going? I’m scared.

He threw Jim Bowie Drambuie Chop Suey “Louie Louie” bamboo buoy parties.

That’s moronic beyond all human comprehension!

Thanks! Then could you Digg it or Twitter it or Stumble it or something? Do it now!

Lose ten pounds a week! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

“Bamgoo”, an electric car with a body made out of bamboo, is displayed in Kyoto, Japan November 14, 2008. REUTERS/Issei Kato

Model presents a creation by Belarussian designer Anna Ostrovskaya during the Festival of Vanguard Art, Mammoth, in Minsk, November 16, 2008. REUTERS/Vladimir Nikolsky

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, the gas crisis is really hard on people here with big SUVs. I hear that over in Europe, they drive smaller cars - maybe like our sedans?

They’re a LOT more energy-responsible than that, my friend. Here are some traffic shots from Germany this week. As you can see, average folks can barely fit a single knee into one of their mid-size cars.

That’s amazing! I guess they never get up much speed?

Oh, that part is okay. Most German roads go entirely downhill. But it can get ugly when they have to steer themselves home from Oktoberfest.

But…but…I keep hearing about those German roads with no speed limit at all!

Sure. But they’re only two-feet-wide.

Stop snoring! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Greenpeace activists protest German automobile politics in front of Reichstag building in Berlin October 30, 2008. REUTERS/Hannibal Hanschke

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Somehow I doubt this was exactly what the editor had in mind when he sent a shooter out to the race track with a Grand Prix coming up. I bet he expected some shiny race cars, maybe well-known drivers chatting with the models..

Instead, we guessed that the ultimate male fantasy is wandering around piles of big old dirty tires and stumbling upon models in sexy red dresses and tennis shoes. You know, it sounds better when you say it than it looks in the photos.

“Hey, ladies, you come here often? Think it’s gonna be a Goodyear? Yeah, I got a million lines like that, ladies.”

I guess we’re just really lucky we didn’t find them hanging around a big old pile of rusted carburetors and mufflers and oily rags and stuff.

Improve your English. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Brazilian models pose next to  tires at Interlagos race track in Sao Paulo October 29, 2008.The Brazilian Formula One Grand Prix will take place November 2. REUTERS/Paulo Whitaker

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Note to TV producers: The bidding starts today on a new super-hit series. It’s an action cop show called Jeannie Lamborghini, and it’s all true. And by “all true,” I mean some of it is true.

The Italian police have their own Lamborghini sports car for police work. It can go 203 miles an hour, perfect for catching getaway cars that can only hit 200. It has gadgets galore, even a heart defibrillator, which of course will be used to zap street scum in every episode.

Picture this sleek baby screeching along mountain roads and hairpin turns with spunky, wise-cracking cop Jeannie Lamborghini at the wheel! If you want a different car, I’ve also registered Annette Corvette and Portia Porsche.

I see Jeannie played by someone like Angelina Jolie, but with fewer children. And the car could maybe have a hotline to Jeannie’s secret boss, a hip young black President. Networks, take out your checkbooks!

Tired of stuff that makes sense? Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Police unveil a Lamborghini car donated to the Italian state police, in Rome, October 24, 2008. REUTERS/Lamborghini/Handout

More stuff from Oddly Enough

With sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss:

 I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere
I do not like green  eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Do you like to text and drive?
Would you like to stay alive?
Driving while you write with thumb?
Holy crap! You’re really dumb!

In yet another sign of the approaching Apocalypse, California has become the latest state to find that its drivers actually need to be TOLD they aren’t allowed to text message while driving.

Unfortunately, this version of the law seems to have been watered down from the one I’ve proposed, where text messaging within six inches of a steering wheel would automatically trigger a rusty buzz saw which instantly decapitates the driver and rockets his flaming head through the sun roof.

Show how smart you are! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

A naked cyclist sends a text message in Hyde Park before setting off on the World Naked Bike Ride in London June 9, 2007.  REUTERS/James Boardman

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I’ve been riding a Segway for a couple of years now, but I don’t feel I’ve lost enough of my dignity. Is there anything that can make me look like even more of a nerd?

I get this question a lot from Segway riders. If you want to truly get in touch with your inner nincompoop, help is on the way.

Toyota has unveiled the Winglet, sure to be a ridicule-magnet. It has a top speed of 3.7 miles an hour - faster than walking but not fast enough to get away from a jeering mob with torches and pitchforks.

Toyota didn’t say when it will start selling the Winglet, or how much it will cost. A company executive said, “We first have to gauge the reaction of the people.”

Oh yeah? I’d like to be in on that.

Winglet video report    More Segway posts

A Toyota manager demonstrates the company’s Winglet “M” personal transport assistance robot in front of an “L” model (R, on stage) in Tokyo, August 1, 2008. REUTERS/Michael Caronna

More stuff from Oddly Enough