Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Seinfeld, a show about bupkis…

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Blog Guy, you have the most authoritative entertainment news anywhere, so I’m coming to you first about something I heard.

There’s a rumor that my all-time favorite sitcom, “Seinfeld,” is coming back to TV next season. Any chance it’s true?

Basically, yes. They’re shooting it now, with Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus reprising their original roles.

That’s GREAT! I can’t wait to see what they…. Hey, wait a minute. What about Kramer?

So I’m not the sexiest man alive?

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Boss, you got a minute for a private chat?

Sure Lamar, what’s up?

I’m kinda depressed. “People Magazine” just announced its “Sexiest Man Alive” choice for this year, and once again, it wasn’t me.

I can see where that would be a blow to somebody with your unusual looks, Lamar. Who got it this time?

Okay, so maybe it’s a strange hobby…

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Blog Guy, I hate to bother you, but I need your help with something.

Sure, that’s what I’m here for.

See, I maintain an extensive world map with color-coded pins showing everywhere Paris Hilton has been in the last 10 years, you know, day by day.

Really? Then I don’t think I can give you the kind of help it sounds like you need.

When superstars shoot on location…

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I can’t believe they have the nerve to call this dump a supermarket!

But Ms. Jolie, this isn’t America. Things are different over here.

Really? Things are SO different that I can’t even buy Budweiser or Velveeta for Brad? What the hell are we supposed to live on?

Well, maybe you and Mr. Pitt could try some other kind of processed cheese product while you’re working here, Ms. Jolie….

Remember to bring protection, honey

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Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! I heard there was some problem with protecting Paris Hilton. Is she okay?

She’s fine, but her bodyguards aren’t.

They were hurt while protecting her?

No, they were fired FOR protecting her. Our story, Elite Polish cops sacked for protecting Paris Hilton, says three police commandos were told to resign or they would be fired for serving as Hilton’s bodyguards during a recent appearance at a shopping mall opening.

Perhaps you recognize my large chest?

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So, pal, what do you do for a living?

What do I DO? I am FABIO!

Sorry, I don’t understand. What is that?

I am an actor and a model!

Oh! Have I seen you in anything?

Probably. I played the Handsome Man in “Scenes from a Mall,” the Blind Date in “Boogies Diner,” and I have done numerous cameos.

Long cameos?

No. The short kind.

Hmmmm. You do look familiar.

I am also a spokesman.

Spokesman, huh? For what?

I can’t believe it’s not butter.

What, this stuff on our plate isn’t butter?

No. I am a spokesman for I can’t believe it’s not butter!

Ah, I don’t watch much TV.

Do you read? I write books and my bare chest is on the covers! Perhaps you have read “Rogue,” “Comanche,” “Viking…”

Keeping away from the Kardashians

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Blog Guy, I’m a fed-up, angry American. Enough is enough!

What can we do to protect our country from those tawdry, horrid people? I see them everywhere now. I think you know who I’m talking about.

You must mean the Kardashians?

Of course! They’re everywhere! Now the mother has written her “memoirs,” and that daughter that got married like a week ago has already filed for divorce. How many of them are there, anyway?

Peel faster if you wanna be president!

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Blog Guy, I’ve been trying to get a job in the exciting outdoor food service industry, and there aren’t any. Do you know why?

Of course. Politicians and celebrities are taking all of them.

Yes! That’s what happened to me! I tried getting work peeling potatoes in Ireland, and they gave the position to a presidential candidate, instead!

We’ll always, always, always have Paris…

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Blog Guy, it’s been TWO WEEKS since you’ve shown us fresh pictures of Paris Hilton! Are there no cameras left for her to stand in front of? Is something wrong? Should we prepare for bad news?

Calm down, she’s still posing. Here she is at the opening of a shopping center this week, in Poland.

Great mooseum! I’ll be back!

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Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I love visiting the childhood homes of great people, to see where they got their start.

I’ve been to Mark Twain’s home in Hannibal, Missouri, the house where Louisa May Alcott grew up in Concord, Massachusetts, Reverend Martin Luther King’s birth home, in Atlanta…