Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

A date with Paris Hilton? Thumb enchanted evening…

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Blog Guy, I was interested in your item about that tycoon in Austria who dates famous celebrities. What do you think it would be like to go out with Paris Hilton?

Well, I’ve already blogged about my own date with Paris…

paris cell 180Yeah, that was sad. As I recall, she fell asleep and tore her own face off. But I mean, say a real guy took her to dinner or a concert or something, how would you know if she’s enjoying herself?

When she’s having fun she watches her cell phone screen all the time, and types with her thumbs. I guess she’s texting her friends about what a great time she’s having.

Gosh, it seems like she could wait until later to tell them that. Then what happens if things start to get all hot and intimate? You know what I’m talking about.

Joe Cool’s got another prom date…

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Blog Guy, I am, how you say, studying English as second language…

WELCOME TO OUR COUNTRY, FOREIGN PERSON!

Thank you for shouting, that really helps. I wonder, can you explain this word, “pathetic?” I do not think I understand it.

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I’ll try. Look, there is this business tycoon in Austria, and he has so much money that every year he is able to invite a somewhat famous and reasonably good-looking female celebrity as his guest at the glitzy Vienna Opera Ball.

Don’t slam the Dior on your way out…

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Quick quiz: These solemn-faced people, including musician Kanye West, are staring at…

a) The Massachusetts election night results.

b) The scene where a hunter kills Bambi’s mother.

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c ) A raging fireball enveloping a 72-car pile-up on the New Jersey Turnpike.

d) The Dior Fall-Winter 2010/2011 men’s fashion show, in Paris.

Yep, I got this one right, too. It’s the Dior show. Must have been a real tear-jerker.

Hats! They’re back, and they’re real stupid!

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Hey Blog Guy, I need fashion advice. I’m a regular-looking dude, and I’d like to find a way to make myself look more dopey. You know, so nobody will take me seriously.

Hmmm. Let me get this straight. You want people to take one look at you and say, “Holy crap, what’s wrong with that pathetic doofus?”

Presenting the Golden… No, it’s just too easy!

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Blog Guy, I love your entertainment coverage. Can you run some photos from last night’s Golden Globe Awards, please?

GOLDENGLOBES-WINNERS/Sure. Here you go.

Uh, not to complain or anything, but those are just sexy women AT the awards. I don’t even think they won anything. You just went for revealing outfits here!

So, how’d you make out at the awards ceremony?

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Blog Guy, you haven’t done many of those fantasy shots for your readers so far this year.

Budget cuts, you know. I have to be more careful with how much I spend. What would you like?

The easy answer to airline security…

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Blog Guy, I know you’ve done security consulting before. What’s the answer to this new air safety controversy over full body frisking, etc?

peoples choice vinyl crop 220Oh, please. The so-called “experts” are overlooking the perfect solution.

There’s something about small talk…

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Blog Guy, sometimes I see photos of President Barack Obama with prominent celebrities. Surely he can’t know who they all are, so what does he talk to them about?

Here’s how that works. The President’s staff comes up with just one single line for him to memorize about each celebrity. Something designed to trigger a very genuine, easy response from them, so nobody is embarrassed.

The aslphalt jungle: driveways in the news!

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Hey Blog Guy, speaking of news photography, when a big story breaks, you know what I’m a real sucker for?

POLANSKI/I have a pretty good idea. After all, we’re all human, aren’t we? I’m guessing you can’t resist a good driveway shot.

Sing it LOUD, George!

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Blog Guy, I want to get in on that fantasy service you have for readers. Got any money left in this year’s budget?

Yeah, but it’s going fast. what do you want? Hurry up!

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Um, um, okay, I wanna see actor George Clooney singing that Carley Simon classic “You’re So Vain.” Can you arrange that?