Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

What Jack Bauer won’t tell you?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I know you’ve blogged about the TV series “24″. I see the two-hour season finale is coming up. Is it too late for me to start watching?

Geez, why would you think that, just because you’ve missed 22 hours?

So the ship has sailed?

Nah, you can always jump into this series just for the finale, as long as you remember the unfailing “24″ rules:

    Everyone you think is good is really bad Everyone you think is dead is really alive Everything you think Jack Bauer’s daughter knows, she doesn’t Everyone who ever worked for CTU was a mole, but somehow they all missed seeing each other at the annual CTU Mole Christmas Party

That’s awesome! When did you figure all this out?

I guess it was in Season Five, when Mother Teresa opened fire on the U.S. President with an Uzi, but Adolf Hitler stepped up and saved him.

That’s the pope in a suit and tie?

Photo
-

Well, THIS is a FINE mess!

We’re right on deadline for the Time cover story about Pope Benedict meeting Israeli President Shimon Peres in Jerusalem, and we don’t know which is which!

We’re losing money with every minute that goes by! Does anybody have the slightest idea who’s who?

Cool! Ma’am, do you have a gun on you right now?

Photo
-

Hey Blog Guy, I recall that you set up fantasy photographs for your readers, bringing bizarre pairings of people together. I have the strangest request yet. I want Janet Napolitano, the Homeland Security Secretary, and Ashton Kutcher, the actor.

Here you go. The caption says he’s on the right, she’s on the left.

Thanks! It must be hard to get shots of movie stars. You know, following them in high-speed chases, bribing hotel clerks for info…

Pardon me for butting in?

Photo
-

“I’m gonna need a hacksaw!”

Fans of the TV series “24″ will recognize that quote from Jack Bauer, the agent Kiefer Sutherland plays, just before he decapitated some poor guy.

Sutherland is charged in an alleged “headbutting” incident at a “swank party”  in New York City this week, but I don’t buy it. If the dude accusing him is still breathing, it’s not Jack Bauer’s style.

There’s something about basketball?

Photo
-

Thanks for giving me an emergency session today, Doc. I think I’ve totally lost it!

You know, since I moved to LA, I’m imagining I see movie characters EVERYWHERE! It’s not funny!

The army couldn’t afford drapes? I’ll be up at the crack of dawn!

Photo
-

Judy Benjamin: I think they sent me to the wrong place.
Capt. Lewis: Uh-huh.
Judy Benjamin: See, I did join the army, but I joined a *different* army.
I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms…

As a film buff, I hate lame remakes of classic movies more than anything. Well, more than anything except for dumb fashions, bullfighting, brussels sprouts, gyrocopters, clothing on dogs, Adolf Hitler

You can shoot her Tilda cows come home…

Photo
-

Blog Guy, it’s me again, the aspiring photojournalist you’ve been helping. I know shooting photos of celebrities is a huge part of news photography, and I think I’m ready. Who is THE hardest celeb to photograph?

I’m thinking that would have to be Tilda.

Tilde? That squiggly punctuation mark?

No. TILDA! Swinton!

That British actress who was in…um… whatever she was in?

She’s the one.

That seems strange. Why?

Just look at all these attempts in our photo archive. I gather she moves her head up and down so you can never get a full frame, and she makes horrible faces.

Who was that masked man? And where’s my Rolex?

Photo
-

Hello, police? I need to report a robbery. My department store was robbed today. They took a bunch of wristwatches from our jewelry department.

Did I get a look at the thieves? You bet! They were wearing surgical masks.

What? Did I notice every person on the street today? Now that you mention it, they WERE all wearing surgical masks!  Oh, right - the flu.

And the worst security idea is…

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I know you own a high-powered personal security company with some huge clients. What’s the latest thinking on protecting VIPs? Bullet-proof limousines, Kevlar, decoys, or what?

Harlequin masks. I disguise my clients with masks they can hold in front of their face in public. Here are some photos so you can see how effective it is.

SNL veterans: not stand-up comedy?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I really love Amy Poehler – you know, from Saturday Night Live! Isn’t she in some new show on TV?

Yes.

Hey, thanks for that information. I’d love it if you could run a picture of her in your blog.