Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Well, if that’s not a miracle!

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BRITAIN/

Blog Guy, this is the season of all the major award ceremonies. They all kind of blend together, except I must say I’ve read amazing things about the National Television Awards, in London.

BRITAINThey’re all true. The event well deserves its nickname, “The Miracle Awards.”

Wow. Very inspiring! Give me an example.

Well, look at this miracle shot of singer Alesha Dixon, handing away her crutch on the red carpet.

Ah, I see. You’re saying she needed to walk with a crutch until she got to the magical carpet, and then suddenly she could walk on her own?

Popular museum gets a facelift?

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goofy face final 490

Blog Guy, since the year is almost over, can you give us a preview of what surprises the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop has in store for 2011?

goofy biker crop 320You bet. We’re busy gearing up for the start of our huge winter tourist season, with new exhibits and a grand reopening.

So this is the whole show?

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SPAIN/

Johnson, get your butt in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What did I do wrong this time, Boss?

paris madrid combo 340I sent you out to cover that Paris Hilton motorcycle thing, right? And how many shots did you get?

Eighteen, Boss.

Did your camera break? You don’t think Paris Hilton bursting out of her pink jumpsuit is worth more than a paltry 18 shots? Did you get a picture of her pouting in sunglasses?

Thanks, so this is sort of like a Grammy?

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NORWAY/

Blog Guy, do you still arrange those fantasy photos for your readers?

Yeah, as long as my budget holds out. What do you have in mind?

AUSTRALIA/Okay. I’m seeing, uh, Oprah….

Yikes, Oprah? She charges $30 an hour for fantasy shoots! What’s she doing in your fantasy?

Uh, she’s with that actor Russell Crowe, on a yacht. In Australia.

OMG that’s my whole fantasy photo budget for the year! Anything else?

Yes, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is playing a grand piano, see…

Jeez! It has to be a GRAND piano?

There’s more. I see actress Anne Hathaway, at a Nobel Peace Prize ceremony in Oslo, and…

Opening a CAN of whoopass…

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james caan this one 490

Dear People Who Decide Film Awards:

I read that you’re giving a career tribute to that actor James Caan, at the Marrakesh Film Festival. What were you thinking?

MOROCCOI have nothing against the actor personally. I even saw those “Godfather” movies, but lost interest after Apollo Creed dropped out.

Happy Eva Mendes Day to all!

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MOROCCO

Blog Guy, you’re not forgetting what day this is, right? Does December 5 ring a bell?

Of course. On this date back in 1957, Sukarno expelled all the Dutch people from Indonesia.

Regurgitating a TV plot for you…

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Blog Guy, I was a HUGE fan of the hit television series “24.” You know, where Kiefer Sutherland played Jack Bauer, a super-macho counter-terrorism agent. Each season, 24 new episodes covered a full day with gripping real-time action.

JAPAN/

Anyway, I thought it ended with season eight, last May, but I just saw something today  about Sutherland promoting a so-called “final season” over in Japan. Naturally, I’m very curious.

It’s me! The guy wishing you well!

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Lamar, we need to talk. You seem to be gone a lot lately. You took that temp job as an archbishop

quaid well wishers 300That’s over, Boss. They don’t pay their archbishops as much as I expected.

Angelina and the Used Car Dealer?

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What the hell is going on with this Angelina Jolie movie, Lamar?

Boss, that’s the one where she’s the director. It’s her first time…

jolie and pit top this 490

I know that, you simpleton! But you’re supposed to be keeping an eye on her, and I’m getting no info on…what’s the movie called again?

Making a token gesture…

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awards gesture combo 490

Okay, people, listen up! We’re trying to rehearse an awards show here!

Places, please!

MUSIC-MTV/EUROPESo do you all understand the drill?

If you win an award, go immediately to the backstage press area and flip off the media. One finger is adequate, but of course we’re hoping you can remember to do it with TWO fingers.

Now let’s all practice it a bit. Everybody look at Kesha, she’s got that panoramic thing going on. Very nice, Kesha.