Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Oh, the gowns! Oh, the humanity!

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PAKISTAN/

What a glittering evening this is, folks. The celebrities are arriving now for our Lux Style Awards. With us here is a man who came all the way from Hollywood to help set up our arrival festivities, and he’s the best in the business. Sir, what should we call you?

lux awards vertical 240Lamar. Just Lamar.

And what do you think of our venue here, Lamar?

It’s quite modern. You’ve got the red carpet, the whole nine yards.

Oh, I believe it’s longer than that, Lamar. So give us some inside information about how you set up this arrival event.

Sure. See all those photographers? I put our brightest spotlights just over the red carpet. I tied our Klieg Lights to those decorative prongs hanging overhead.

But Lamar, that is our heat-activated sprinkler system. I hope your lights don’t get very hot, or…. OH NO! Here it comes! It’s gushing!

Is he really worth whacking, Boss?

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quaid face 490

Okay, fellow Star Whackers, the reason for this emergency secret meeting is, we have a problem. A big one. Some guy seems to have found out about us, and he’s making statements to the media. Lamar, have you dug up anything on him?

quaid combo 320Yeah Boss, he’s an actor named Randy Quaid. He and his wife have requested asylum in Canada to protect themselves from us. They say other stars have been murdered, and now we’re after them.

I need to use the long-necked birds’ room

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GERMANY/

Blog Guy, I’m a big fan of actor Matt Damon. He’s just great in everything, and so cute. What’s he like in real life?

USA/He’s a wild man. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but when he’s on location shooting his movies he spends his off hours with every hussy, floozy, doxy and trollop he can find.

We’re going down! Is this blog finished?

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Blog Guy, it’s me, your editor. Did you see that incredible season finale of the hit series Mad Men, with that cliffhanger where Don Draper…

pilot pope 220Stop, Boss! We don’t allow spoilers here.

Oh. Anyway, I was thinking since your last blog of the season is coming up, you could end it with some cliffhangers so people would come back next season.

Checkered days, long knights shooting chess

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SPAIN

Boss? BOSS! Are you okay? Oh, I thought you were dead, all slumped over like that.

Yeah, I just fell asleep looking at your chess photos, Johnson. This was the best you could do?

Come home and meet the family, Arnold!

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SCHWARZENEGGER-RUSSIA/

Okay, screenwriters, this movie footage is solid gold! Imagine, Arnold Schwarzenegger in a car with actual Russian President Dmitry Medvedev. It’s priceless!

Your job is to spin this little video clip into our next summer blockbuster sequel, “T5: The Terminator Kicks Russian Butt!”

Together again for the first time?

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Blog Guy, I’m confused. A couple of  months ago you did an item sort of poking fun at all the free publicity Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz were getting just by going from city to city promoting the premiere of some new movie.

JAPAN/Yes, I remember. We covered them at premieres in at least six cities, way back in July. Why do you mention it now?

Our Father who…clomp clomp…art in heaven…clomp…

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Blog Guy, I know a lot of big fashion shows are coming up, and you need to pay more attention to shoes! What about London Fashion week, which is going on right now?

BRITAIN/You’re right, I’ve neglected shoes, but I’ll change. Here are some radical, cutting edge shoes for women bold enough to wear them. Why, in my opinion… What? Uh-oh!

Shoppe ’til you droppe?

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Blog Guy, you haven’t updated us on your  Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop in Washington, DC, for some time. Last we heard, it was poised to take off. So what’s new there?

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Lots! HUGE stuff! Our expensive marketing consultant wants us to change Doughnut Shop to Doughnut Shoppe in the name, to make it classier.

Eat, Pray, Read?

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FASHION/

Blog Guy, you’re smiling today. You must have seen something amusing, huh?

USA/I sure did. You know how sometimes I imply that fashion models aren’t, you know, geniuses? Like maybe they don’t have to think a lot to do that job?