Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Imagine there’s no toilet, it’s easy if you try…

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Blog Guy, the last sign of the approaching Apocalypse you told us about was singer Justin Bieber publishing his memoirs, but I believe there was another one this week that you overlooked.

BRITAIN-LENNON/Those of us sitting out here waiting for the End of the World count on your blog for timely telltale signs.

Okay, okay. Yes, this week someone at an auction paid $14,740 for John Lennon’s toilet.

Taken together with Marilyn Monroe’s chest x-rays going for $45,000 in June, and the attempt in July to sell embalming tools used on Elvis Presley, these all constitute a definite sign.

Holy moly! Nonstop Jolie!

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jolie combo 490

Blog Guy, you often write about Angelina Jolie. Has her new movie had its premiere yet?

Well, I can only speak for Berlin, Paris, London, Moscow, Seoul, Tokyo and Hollywood. I know it has premiered there because we moved photos of her at each place.

Celebrities carrying a Torch?

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torch party combo 490

Blog Guy, I come to you for all my news about technology and new gadgets.

Frankly, I’m astounded that you haven’t reviewed the new BlackBerry Torch! I mean, your review of the iPad was the industry standard. Not to mention your advice on making the iPhone 4 work.

So? We’re all waiting.

USA/Oh, gee, sorry. I can’t keep up with every little fad.

Here goes. Let’s see. Uh, Lea Michele, that actress from “Glee,” was there.

And the next Angelina Jolie is…

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USA/

Blog Guy, I read your item on Angelina Jolie this week, and it made me wonder who the next “perfect” woman will be.

JAPAN/If you look at Angelina’s sensuous, supple lips, big eyes, mannish hands, and that smile that says, “I could kill you with a pencil,” and put them all together, who do we have?

A Farewell to Arms?

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JAPAN/

Quick quiz: This sinewy, tattooed arm and enormous hand belong to…

angelina arm this 220a) The 2009 national arm-wrestling champion

b) Popeye

c) Julius Caesar’s personal calendar slave

d) Actress Angelina Jolie

Your time’s up. It’s Angelina Jolie’s actual arm.

No, Blog Guy! What are you saying! Angelina is every guy’s dream woman!

She’s the ideal! She’s perfect! She’s what actress Melanie Griffith used to be!

Oh, that reminds me, here’s Melanie’s arm, below on the right.

This is just horrible! My world is upside down. Nothing makes sense anymore!

melanie arm 240 thisSo you’re saying you wouldn’t want to go out on a date with Angelina?

Then when I was six, we went to a zoo…

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USA/

Blog Guy, I’m starting to get scared about this Apocalypse thing you keep writing about. A few days ago it was people trying to auction off embalming tools used on Elvis Presley. What next? Can the signs get any worse than that?

USA/Indeed they can, and they have.

Oh my God! There’s another sign? What have you seen now? Don’t sugar-coat it!

Merry Christmas, Charlie!

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USA/

Normally I wouldn’t bother being snarky about actor Charlie Sheen and his ongoing problems with the law. It’s just too easy.

He pleaded guilty this week to assaulting his wife, and was sentenced to drug and alcohol rehabilitation. You may recall Sheen was arrested after his wife told police he pulled a knife on her and threatened to have her killed last Christmas.

You don’t have Cruise control?

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cruise and diaz

Boss! You’re not gonna believe who I just got a picture of today! I was just pointing my camera lens at a vineyard in southwestern France, and GUESS who showed up?

cruise combo 160I’m going to take a wild guess. Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz?

Right! But what are the chances?

This month? About 100 percent. Just try taking a picture without them while they’re promoting their new movie.

Scents and Sensibility?

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Okay Lamar, we’re up against a tight deadline here if we’re going to launch Jennifer Aniston’s fragrance this week. We came to your ad agency because your team is the best in the business, so what have you got?

Well Mr. Johnson, remember Ms. Aniston turned down several of our proposals already.

It’s Slick and Mick! What are the odds?

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SOCCER-WORLD/

Welcome back to a regular feature we like to call, “What are the chances?”

Think of the odds against you going out one day and running into Bill Clinton or Mick Jagger. I’ve never come across either of them, and yet, they go to catch a soccer match and find each other.