Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, what do you think is the biggest holiday for your blog?
You mean the religious Christmas and commercial Christmas?
No, I mean the magical goosebump childhood excitement Christmas, and the darkly absurd, “Look, somebody shot at Santa’s helicopter!” Christmas.
Well, those two aspects do fit together better than most people think, don’t they?
Indeed, it’s almost like “The Gift of the Magi.”
In the midsts of this wonderful season, here are eight of my favorite blog posts from Christmas past. In the words of Tiny Tim, “God bless us, every one!”
Blog Guy, I need to tap your background in psychology. I can’t get my husband to enjoy the Christmas holidays. When he sees festive decorations he just breaks down and sobs.
Hmmmm. Did he by any chance grow up in Prague?
I thought as much. Have a look at these photos from Prague, where revelers dressed as Saint Nicholas and a devil approach small children on the street and demand to know if they’ve been good or bad. It’s enough to warp any child for life.
Honey, was that the doorbell? Could you see who it is, please?
Yeah. He’s here for some kind of a surprise inspection of our Christmas decorations.
Oh crap, it’s decoration inspection time already? Quick, put a plate of shiny Christmas balls on the table, and I’ll get our holiday mugs. Maybe that”ll satisfy him.
It’s time for more of our etiquette tips aimed at people who were raised by warthogs in the wild.
Our latest advice is on diet etiquette for the holidays. You know, getting through parties and dinners while keeping both your diet and your friendships intact.
Since I’ve already revealed this blog’s most popular items for all of 2010 it’s going to be a bit less dramatic to list the top 10 for December, but I’m required to do it for those of you who wager on the results.
December readers shared my personal appreciation for the truly absurd, especially a program to prepare panda cubs to return to the wild by dressing their human handlers as pandas, and a U.S. Navy project that is so bizarre I’m not even going to describe it here.
Blog Guy, you’re an expert on social etiquette. Should I give a gift or a tip to my favorite bloggers at Christmas? Would they be offended because they’re professionals?
Offended? Of course not. After all, you tip other professionals like your dentist and congressman, don’t you?
Blog Guy, a few days ago you made reference to a “long” version of the song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Is there really a longer version?
Yes. The full album version is seldom played these days, since it takes about six hours. Who has that kind of time?
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The stockings were waiting, but what do you think?
Santa decided to go for a drink!
“My life really sucks!” he told bartender Steve,
“It seems like I’m working on EACH Christmas Eve!
“My marriage is finished, my wife says I’m weird,
“She don’t understand me, she don’t like my beard!
“I think I’ll try freedom, I’ll give it a whirl!
“Perhaps I’ll end up with a cheerleader girl!
“I’m totally serious! It isn’t a joke!
“I’ll tell you the best part, but I need a smoke!”
Then Santa went outside, now Dasher, now Dancer,
Too hammered to read the big warning of cancer,
The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
His cheeks were like roses, his eyes all a-twinkle,
He lurched to the men’s room, and stopped for a tinkle
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
He demanded another martini, dry
Then I heard him exclaim with his mouth like a potty,
“That fricking Blog Guy has been TERRIBLY naughty!
“I swear by my reindeer and each little hoofy,
“He’s been running photos of me that are goofy!
“I know who’s been good, and I know who has not,
“And on Christmas, that Blog Guy is opening squat!”
Top: Participants in SantaCon Boston 2010, a gathering of people dressed as Santa going from bar to bar, drink at the Asgard Pub in Cambridge, Massachusetts, December 18, 2010. REUTERS/Brian Snyder
Right: SantaCon participant smokes outside the Asgard Pub. REUTERS/Brian Snyder
Left: SantaCon participant drinks a beer at the Asgard Pub. REUTERS/Brian Snyder