Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Yule laugh, yule cry…
Blog Guy, what do you think is the biggest holiday for your blog?
Christmas, for sure. We celebrate it for most of the year. Not only that, we’re able to appreciate BOTH holidays.
You mean the religious Christmas and commercial Christmas?
No, I mean the magical goosebump childhood excitement Christmas, and the darkly absurd, “Look, somebody shot at Santa’s helicopter!” Christmas.
Well, those two aspects do fit together better than most people think, don’t they?
Indeed, it’s almost like “The Gift of the Magi.”
He’s making a list, and Czeching it twice…
Blog Guy, I need to tap your background in psychology. I can’t get my husband to enjoy the Christmas holidays. When he sees festive decorations he just breaks down and sobs.
Hmmmm. Did he by any chance grow up in Prague?
Why yes, he spent his childhood there!
I thought as much. Have a look at these photos from Prague, where revelers dressed as Saint Nicholas and a devil approach small children on the street and demand to know if they’ve been good or bad. It’s enough to warp any child for life.
You mean a child has to figure out what a saint and a devil are doing together, and then decide whether to tell them the truth about his behavior?
That’s about it.
Now that I am being laid off from my job as OE’s Taser Weilder and Zapper, I am sad.
However, until the last day of this blog (and my last day) you shall NOT learn and you shall NOT teach!
Any serious commentators are seriously, NOT welcome!
Have you never SEEN decorations, Mr. President?
Honey, was that the doorbell? Could you see who it is, please?
President Obama?
Yeah. He’s here for some kind of a surprise inspection of our Christmas decorations.
Oh crap, it’s decoration inspection time already? Quick, put a plate of shiny Christmas balls on the table, and I’ll get our holiday mugs. Maybe that”ll satisfy him.
Where’s that damned little tree, and that snowman for the wall?
Lose weight the Christmas Party way!
It’s time for more of our etiquette tips aimed at people who were raised by warthogs in the wild.
Our latest advice is on diet etiquette for the holidays. You know, getting through parties and dinners while keeping both your diet and your friendships intact.
Our diet etiquette piece starts by advising you never to go to a party hungry. What you should do, our writer suggests, is have an apple or cheese or nuts before you go, “and drink a full glass of water before you head out.”
Of course this water strategy makes it extra special when your host greets you at the door with, “Welcome to our home, I hope you don’t need to use the toilet, because ours is totally broken.”
Regarding festive wine and cocktails, our etiquette writer says she herself “stopped drinking alcohol at parties a long time ago, when I realized it clouded my thinking.”
Really? Clouded your thinking? For instance did you find yourself eating apples and cheese and drinking water just before going to a party?
‘Tis the season to be Charlie….
Blog Guy, you used to give us a lot more news about what those British people are up to, what with the royal wedding and everything. How about an update?
Well, they’re up to their knickers in celebrating Christmas now, of course, and they…
Excuse me, Blog Guy. Christmas? In July?
Yes. You’re forgetting about the time difference between the two countries.
Oh of course. Sorry, go on.
Yep, they opened the Christmas shop at Selfridges yesterday, selling Union Jack ornaments and everything.
Nope… fresh, stupid, human meat..
Get those people back who leave serious comments on the blog, wouldya BG?
The most popular holiday isn’t Christmas?
Since I’ve already revealed this blog’s most popular items for all of 2010 it’s going to be a bit less dramatic to list the top 10 for December, but I’m required to do it for those of you who wager on the results.
December readers shared my personal appreciation for the truly absurd, especially a program to prepare panda cubs to return to the wild by dressing their human handlers as pandas, and a U.S. Navy project that is so bizarre I’m not even going to describe it here.
Readers eagerly followed the doings of dumbasses, including a TV chef who hired homeless guys to try to kill his wife, and the creep who paid $87,000 for a coffin that once held Kennedy assassin Lee Harvey Oswald.
A number of Christmas items made the top 10 for the month here, but perhaps surprisingly, all of them were beaten in popularity by a different holiday altogether, in slot number three.
These, then, were the most popular items in a very busy month.
Happy New Year, my lovely fellow commentators….
Nosmo, I would go for a spiked tea… make mine Earl Grey…
One, brilliant suggestions for 2011… definitely worth doing!
Spin, I second ya.. Lady, do you already have Lamar?? 
Boys, get the plane working asap… you need to pick us across-the-ponders up….
Time to beheading home, Santa
Blog Guy, like many of your readers, I come here for news about other cultures. I’m curious about how Christmas is celebrated in Israel.
Sure, I can tell you about Bethlehem and the Church of the Nativity, which…
Not THAT Christmas! The real, commercial one. Santa Claus and reindeer and stuff.
Oh. I’m not big on doing research, but we do have some photos from Israel this week which you may find interesting. On the left you can see the custom of “Sleazy Santa.” They take an inflatable Santa down narrow narrow alleys in Jerusalem and pretend to peer in windows…
Where did that tradition come from?
From our own pop culture references. “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…”
Remember to tip your blogger, folks
Blog Guy, you’re an expert on social etiquette. Should I give a gift or a tip to my favorite bloggers at Christmas? Would they be offended because they’re professionals?
Offended? Of course not. After all, you tip other professionals like your dentist and congressman, don’t you?
Yes, that’s a good point. What sort of gifts do bloggers enjoy?
Gold is popular, and it even comes in vending machines now. Other nice gifts are luxury automobiles, designer luggage, home entertainment systems, Caribbean holidays and pretzels.
Oh! I could do pretzels!
Nice try. I already have enough of those.
Hey, is that the same Marsha who wouldn’t use a coaster on the Lee Harvey Oswald coffin?
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 10/12/25/sales-from-the-crypt/
Eleven pipers piping, ten snipers sniping…
Blog Guy, a few days ago you made reference to a “long” version of the song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Is there really a longer version?
Yes. The full album version is seldom played these days, since it takes about six hours. Who has that kind of time?
Well, I love that song, so it’s great news to me that there are dozens of verses I never knew. Is the format the same as in the short version?
You bet. It starts with “On the 40th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 40 fractured femurs…”
And then?
Um, 40 fractured femurs, 39 dairy creamers, 38 vintage Bemers, 37 leering lemurs…
How Blog Guy made the Naughty List
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The stockings were waiting, but what do you think?
Santa decided to go for a drink!
“My life really sucks!” he told bartender Steve,
“It seems like I’m working on EACH Christmas Eve!
I’m going to be all spoiled with central heating when I come back in the New Year though so all warming gifts gratefully received.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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Why can’t a fallen angel like that fall in my room?