Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, somebody told me you’re working on a book. I presume they meant you’re READING one?
Nope, writing one. I’m doing serious academic research into a fascinating subject.
I’ll probably be sorry I asked…
Have you ever wondered about the people mentioned in Christmas Carols? We sing their names every December, but who were they?
You mean like Jesus? We do know who he was.
No, I mean the more obscure folks. Like Mary Gentlemen. You know, “God rest ye, Mary Gentlemen…” What do you suppose her story was?
Blog Guy, do you still arrange those fantasy photos for your readers?
Yeah, as long as my budget holds out. What do you have in mind?
Okay. I’m seeing, uh, Oprah….
Yikes, Oprah? She charges $30 an hour for fantasy shoots! What’s she doing in your fantasy?
Uh, she’s with that actor Russell Crowe, on a yacht. In Australia.
OMG that’s my whole fantasy photo budget for the year! Anything else?
Yes, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is playing a grand piano, see…
Jeez! It has to be a GRAND piano?
There’s more. I see actress Anne Hathaway, at a Nobel Peace Prize ceremony in Oslo, and…
Blog Guy, please help settle a bet with my miniature golf instructor…
Wait a minute. Does this person help improve your miniature golf game, or is he just a short regular golf pro?
Yes. Anyway, our question is, do dogs celebrate Christmas?
Of course. I’ll tell you something about dogs. If an event involves glad tidings of comfort and joy, and plenty of festive food, they’re going to be there for it. Look at this little dog’s obvious pride in his holiday decorations, which between us, are a bit over the top.
Staff, this holiday season we’re going for broke. We’ve jammed our store full of flat-screen TVs of all sizes, wall-to-wall, and now we need to make shoppers think they can’t live without owning one.
Lamar, you were in charge of selecting content to excite the shoppers. They need to be slobbering, frothing at the mouth, willing to spend everything they have for one of these TVs.
Blog Guy, I’m like you. I have a hard time letting go of the holiday spirit. Can you help bring me back down to earth?
I sure can, friend. Check out our video clip of this Christmas Day celebration in Peru, where men, women and children face-off in bare-knuckle brawls as part of a tradition to clear personal grievances.
Sorry, this one is a bit anticlimactic since I’ve already posted several lists on the top blog posts for 2009, but for legal reasons involving off-shore gambling accounts and so on, I still need to identify this blog’s most popular posts for December.
Blog Guy, I was stunned by the attack on Pope Benedict by a woman at the start of his Christmas Eve mass. Can you explain exactly what happened?
Yes. Through detailed scientific computer analysis of individual video frame grabs, you can see every detail. One of the clergy turned into a hideous, hollow-eyed goat’s head, then there was a flash of red, and then two men in chef’s hats ran in.
Blog Guy, you’ve been dissed by President Barack Obama. Just a few days ago you wrote about your children’s book, “The Steamy Lingerie Models who Saved Christmas,” which was supposed to take its place up there with “The Polar Express.”
Now, I see photos of Obama with some children, and he’s reading them “The Polar Express.” Why not your book? Why can’t those children hear the feel-good story of plucky models in their gyrocopters, saving Santa and the elves from the Nazis?
Blog Guy, my family and I LOVE Christmas light displays, the bigger the better. We’ve gone all over the world. Anyway, we feel like we’ve done it all, and we’re getting jaded. Is there anything we may have missed?
Yes. Judging from a photo I just found from flooded Venice, Italy, there is about to be an astounding live action display. Have a look.