Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

What’s the hurry, Santa?

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When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
As Santa ran inside to empty his bladder!

Oh, get over it. We’re all adults here, right?

When you take a typical elderly gentleman, give him 200 million glasses of milk and then make him work all night, it isn’t just the Christmas bells that are going to go tinkle!

This is why really, really smart little boys and girls, who want a really, really jolly Santa, hang a map to their family bathroom over the fireplace.

And, truth be told, this is why the number one top person on Santa’s NAUGHTY list is any photographer who snaps him doing this.

For every bathroom in America!

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Blog Guy, I’m stumped about what to get for my boyfriend for Christmas. He loves good literature.

Look no further. I recommend a book called Oddly Enough, edited by Robert Basler. It’s a collection of absurd but true odd news stories, with illustrations you’ll treasure for years to come.

These Flagships hurt my feet!

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Blog Guy, I don’t know what to get my girlfriend for Christmas. Any suggestions?

Sure. How about buying her a Flagship?

A what?

Well, I just saw some photos that said Victoria’s Secret opened a new “Flagship store.” Judging from this picture, I gather a Flagship is a large pair of scissors.

Put your hands where Santa can see ‘em, kid!

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the block,
Not a creature was stirring, thanks to my Glock

Blog Guy, considering the state of the world these days, do you think Santa Claus is safe? He’d make a pretty attractive target for militants.

Ho ho ho hold out your Visa card!

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The holidays are upon us, for sure. Today, over in London, a bunch of actors dressed as Santa Claus, I’m guessing to stress the theme of peace on Earth and good will toward men. Or maybe they were reminding us to help others and be joyful…

Heck, I’m gonna deviate a bit and read the actual captions on these photos, rather than just guessing what they’re about.

And the Rockettes’ red glare…

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Confidential memo to Radio City Music Hall staff:

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This is going to be a bleak holiday season, and we need to cut costs. I hate to do it, but we’re going to outsource the Rockettes for our Christmas Spectacular.

We’ve hired a troupe of dancing policemen in China, and as you can see in this photo below, they are already in rehearsal. We can get four million of them for a tiny fraction of what we pay the real Rockettes.

Mayday! We have a Santa situation!

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santa-solo-160.jpgOkay, Santas, now listen up, because this could save your life.

It’s not all milk and cookies out there. Sooner or later you’ll drop down the wrong chimney. For instance, you might find a family of accordion players in the middle of a recital. Or maybe a house full of telemarketers and they “just want you to take a brief survey.” Or maybe it’s a cult of reindeer-eaters.

Whatever, you’re so out of there, which is why you keep your taser at the top of your bag, and you go nowhere without your rope ladder. Now let’s try it again. This time, use those concussion grenades, even if they do turn the house upside down!