Blog Guy, what can you tell me about that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi guy, who seems to be involved in lots of controversy these days? Have you seen him speak in person?

He doesn’t give speeches. He does comedy shtick. He patterns his stage act after hip ’60s comics like Shelley Berman and Bob Newhart, with imagined telephone chats.

Awesome! Is he funny? “

He’s hilarious! Well, uh, actually I don’t speak Italian, but I guess he’s probably okay.

Ah. And what’s this stuff about Berlusconi’s scandals involving young women? Any truth to that?

I can’t say, but I do know that after I blogged this week about actor George Clooney’s rumored ability to get women just by gesturing what he wants, Berlusconi appeared to throw down the gauntlet, describing better-endowed chicks, as you can see in these photos below.

Thanks, but I’d rather see pictures of the chicks they got.

Sorry, this isn’t that kind of a blog.

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Upper left: Comedian Shelley Berman

Upper right: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi gestures during a right-wing youth party meeting in Rome, September 9, 2009.  REUTERS/Remo Casilli

Right: Italy’s Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi gestures as he speaks during a news conference in Milan, September 8, 2009. REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo

Right: Actor George Clooney is escorted by police during his tour of earthquake-damaged areas in central Italy, July 9, 2009. REUTERS/Philippe Wojazer

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Blog Guy, I read that they’re doing a remake of the classic 1980 comedy “Caddyshack.” That means we’ll see the great Bill Murray again in that hysterical gopher scene?

No. They’ve gone another direction with the casting. The part of Carl Spackler is being played by Thailand’s prime minister, as you can see in this studio publicity photo taken today.

Okay, hang on. Why would they use a Thai politician? What’s Bill Murray doing now?

He and George Clooney are working on an earthquake disaster film. Look at the photo below, from Italy during the G8 summit.

Why would Bill Murray and George Clooney need to be where the G8 summit is?

I guess they represented the Thai prime minister so he could keep shooting “Caddyshack.”

You’re driving me nuts here. In the photo, the prime minister is with a ferret, not a gopher.

Yes, that ferret is a big star in Thailand. On the movie set, he…

Please don’t say it.

Yes, he has his own gofer.

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Above: “Caddyshack” publicity photo, and Thailand’s Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva looks at a ferret at Silapakorn University on the outskirts of Bangkok, July 12, 2009. REUTERS/Chaiwat Subprasom

Left: Actors George Clooney and Bill Murray (R) tour an area hit by an earthquake in L’Aquila, July 9, 2009. The two visited the region during the G8 Summit. REUTERS/Daniele La Monaca

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My blog’s traffic stats have been tabulated for April, and I’m proud of the results.

The diverse subject matter in the top five posts shows readers are coming here for news they can’t get anyplace else.

Just look. A report about making your dog happy on the road, a fresh angle on  entertainers who make us laugh, and a surprising look at a life-saving garment at least half of us wear every day.

To round out the top five, a feel-good look at some young people smiling through diversity, followed by a report on a guy reaching for the stars - or for something, at least.

Step up and take a bow for your good taste, readers. The gent in item number one is choosing your prize now….

5. I can poop right in the back seat?

4. SNL veterans: not stand-up comedy?

3. Miracle bras: hooters and shooters?

2. Harry Potter and the Murder Rap?

And my number one most-popular posting for April:

1. It don’t get much worse than this!

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REUTERS photo credits: Shelby by Robert Basler; Amy Poehler by Mario Anzuoni; Heidi Klum by Mario Anzuoni; Amanda Knox by Daniele La Monaca; Elephant guy by Tim Chong

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Blog Guy, I really love Amy Poehler - you know, from Saturday Night Live! Isn’t she in some new show on TV?

Yes.

Hey, thanks for that information. I’d love it if you could run a picture of her in your blog.

No problem. Here you go.

Uh, you know, that probably isn’t the one I would have chosen. I also love former SNL star Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Didn’t she also do a sitcom after SNL?

Yes.

Wow, it seems there’s nothing you don’t know about the TV scene. If it’s not too much trouble could you also run a photo of her? And let me be more specific here. One where you can see all of her, instead of just half.

Of course. Here you go, slick.

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Presenter Amy Poehler helps Legacy of Laughter award winner Julia Louis-Dreyfus pick up coins as part of a comedy bit at the taping of the TV Land Awards in Los Angeles, April 19, 2009. The awards show honors classic TV shows and will be telecast April 26 on the TV Land cable channel. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

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Blog Guy, a few months ago you did several posts following Prince Charles’ efforts to break into show biz as an actor, singer, comedian, etc. Has he made any progress?

Sort of, I guess. His comedy routine seems patterned after somebody like Don Rickles. He picks people out like this little girl, and makes fun of them. Kind of sad.

The worst thing is, he only has three actual punchlines, and they get pretty tiresome:

1. “Laugh or I could have you beheaded!”

2. “Your valet has bad breath!”

3. “Who died and made you Queen?”

I think you’re being too critical. Those sound pretty funny to me. I’m going to use them today.

Oh yeah? Well who died and made you Queen?

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Britain’s Prince Charles laughs as he sits with a girl during his visit to the Swaminarayan School to celebrate the Hindu festival of Holi, London March 4, 2009. REUTERS/ Arthur Edwards/Pool

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Blog Guy, I read that classic American comedy is catching on in China.

Yeah, it started when President Bush taught a variation of the famous Abbott and Costello ”Who’s on first?” sketch to China’s President Hu Jintao, and then taught him some stand-up.

And now, my sources tell me China has come up with its own Laurel and Hardy.

Awesome! Are they funny?

Do they LOOK funny? After six months of rehearsal they can only deliver one line, and BOTH of them insist on saying it!

So it’s like:

“Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.”

“Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.”

“Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.”

Gosh, I guess that doesn’t sound very entertaining.

Well, I will say it’s better than the new Chinese George Burns and Gracie Allen, with their two solid hours of “Say goodnight, Gracie!”

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Paramilitary police recruits stand still as they balance hats on their heads during a training session at a military base in Wuhan, Hubei province, January 14, 2009. REUTERS/ Stringer

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George, I brought you a special gift. Italy’s greatest piece of literature, “The Divine Comedy.”

Hey thanks, Silvio! I love comedies. I’ll read it during the meeting this afternoon.

Um, it’s not really a comedy, George. It’s all about different sections of  Hell, and what politicians are there.

Politicians in Hell? It can’t be a true story!

It’s an allegory, George.

Oh, man, I hear you. My allegories start up every spring, as soon as that pollen hits the air.

Oh George, you fooled me again!

Thanks, you’ve been a wonderful audience. I’ll be here until January 20!

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President George W. Bush leads Italy’s Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi into the G20 Summit on Financial Markets and the World Economy in Washington, November 15, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Blog Guy, is it just me, or is everybody turning into a comedian these days?

Exactly. In these tough times, everybody wants a laugh. In recent days we’ve seen George Bush and Prince Charles get into the act.

Perhaps most surprisingly, author Gabriel García Márquez has been doing classic shtick from comedian Señor Wences.

The Nobel Literature Prize winner? “Love in the Time of Cholera?

I think so. Look at this photo of García Márquez at an event this week.

That’s amazing. But he should have some make-up on his hand, and maybe a little wig. And it looks like his lips are moving.

Hey, I didn’t say he was GREAT at it, I just said it looks like he’s doing it! “S’awright?”

“S’awriiiiight!”

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Above: Señor Wences.

Below: Nobel Prize winner Gabriel Garcia Marquez of Colombia arrives at national tribute to Mexican writer Carlos Fuentes in Mexico City November 17, 2008. REUTERS/Henry Romero

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“Ya still don’t get it, do ya?

“The guy says, ‘Take my wife……..please.’ See, it’s that pause that makes it funny! It’s like he’s tellin’ somebody to take his…oh, never mind!

“You’re not supposed to mess with a perfect joke! It’s not funny when you say, ‘Please take my wife away for re-education through labor.’ That wouldn’t be a joke at all!

“Look, let me teach you a different one. Let’s see. You got roads in China? You got chickens? Okay. Why did the chicken…”

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President George W. Bush glances at Chinese President Hu Jintao during the group photo at the G20 Summit on Financial Markets and the World Economy in Washington, November 15, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Memo to World Leaders:

It’s President Bush’s last big summit meeting, and we’re going to play a great gag on him at the G20 in Washington! This is going to be a laugh-riot!

Please pay attention. You’ll all come together for the Official Group Photo, see, but just before the photographer takes it, everybody will shrug and walk away, leaving the President there all by himself!

Now, can everybody please make sure the French guy, Sarkozy, reads this memo? He always messes up these gags, and we don’t want him to be the only one who doesn’t play along!

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President George W. Bush (C) remains in place as various world leaders come back for a second group photo at the G20 Summit on Financial Markets and the World Economy, in Washington, November 15, 2008. REUTERS/Jason Reed

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