Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Okay, so maybe it’s a strange hobby…

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Blog Guy, I hate to bother you, but I need your help with something.

Sure, that’s what I’m here for.

See, I maintain an extensive world map with color-coded pins showing everywhere Paris Hilton has been in the last 10 years, you know, day by day.

Really? Then I don’t think I can give you the kind of help it sounds like you need.

So anyway, due to some unfortunate binge drinking-related blackouts, I seem to be missing a few key dates. For instance, August 8, 2004.

Let’s have a look in my photo archive. Bingo! Here she is, driving a pickup truck in Los Angeles.

Step right up for the Creep Show Hall of Fame!

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Blog Guy, I know it’s only November, but I’m wondering how you’re coming along in your search for the blog’s coveted Creep Show of the Year Award.

Oh, don’t worry about that, it’s a done deal. It’s a Creep-o-Rama, Creep-a-Palooza…

When the chips are down, in Wackytown

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Say, Blog Guy, I keep reading about those group tours you organize to that place you call Wackytown, the goofiest place on earth.

Right, that’s Krasnoyarsk, in Siberia. Think you’d like to join us on a trip? We’ve got a gambling junket coming up. Why waste your time in Las Vegas when you can go to a Wackytown casino?

Bear number four, step up and growl…

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Here’s something  you don’t find every day. My Washington Post tells me a guy drove his car off a road and into a canal here in the nation’s capital. The man, who was charged with driving under the influence, told police he had seen a bear.

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Mr. Johnson, we’re gonna have to ask you some questions. It’s just routine.

Maybe the worst idea EVER?

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People ask me where I get all the stupid stuff in this blog, and I have to say, honestly, the best of it is straight out of the news.

Here’s an example. According to an Associated Press story, officials in Georgia are considering saving money by putting prisoners in fire stations.

I Hope You’re Proud Of Yourself!

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Hey Blog Guy, it’s September 14th. This is the day you announce the coveted annual I Hope You’re Proud Of Yourself! award.

Yes, I’m sorry for the delay. I was all set to give this year’s trophy to the folks at that Tea Party presidential debate on Monday.

Repeat after me, “Fill the bag with money!”

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Blog Guy, you know that odd city in Siberia that you call Wackytown? I’d like to visit it on one of your organized tours, but I’m wondering how many people there speak English?

You’re talking about Krasnoyarsk. I do know they do have English Language classes at a high security prison camp.

Are those Tic Tacs, or you got a rattlesnake in your pants?

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Blog Guy, I’m looking for some of your sage career advice. I enjoy travel, working with animals, and maybe a little danger. Any ideas?

Have you considered the glamorous world of snake smuggling?

No, I haven’t. What does that involve?

The usual. Ladies’ hosiery, probably some duct tape, and, you know, snakes.

You’re lacking in your hacking!

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Lamar, get in my office!

What’s up, Boss?

Look, you’ve had enough time! I told you if you want to make it in journalism, you need to hack into some voice messages, and I want to see what you’ve got. We’re on deadline!

I think you’ll be pretty happy, Boss. Look at this one. “It’s me. Pick up tuna fish and vodka on the way home.”

That’s why they call it Killing time…

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What’s up, Blog Guy? You look annoyed.

Yeah, I hate being suckered. I see the programming chief for AMC now says the murder that was the central crime in his network’s Emmy-nominated series, “The Killing,” will be wrapped up in the SECOND season.

Wait. Didn’t that show just finish its first season? You mean they didn’t solve the crime?