Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Get out your cash, honey, it’s the famous robbers!

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Blog Guy, I’m planning a month-long trip to China. It’s the dream trip of a lifetime. I’m going all over by bus, and I want all the tips you can give me. Give me all the insider stuff, rich with tiny details!

Sure. Don’t get off the bus in Foshan.

Um, it’s not that I’m not grateful, but I thought you might have more advice. And why shouldn’t I get off the bus in Foshan?

Apparently the entire Foshan population hangs around the bus station with machetes, waiting to rob you.

Look at these photos. The streets are filled with handcuffed “suspected robbers” as far as the eye can see.

Yule be sorry! On, Downer and Blitzen!

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santa-300.jpgI have a holiday tradition going back, oh, one year, in which I offer up some bummer holiday tales to manage the emotions of folks like me who are giddy with the love of the season.

I’ve retooled my list and checked it twice, and here is the newest crop of seasonal stories designed to bring you back down to Earth.

Well, this is just too sick!

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Warning: readers who are easily disturbed or offended should not read this item.

A Colorado judge is trying a new punishment for people charged with being too noisy. He sentences them to an hour of listening to Barry Manilow.

The judge says he is “teaching manners to people,” and that his tactic is working.

The red “S” stands for sleazy?

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Well, this is just very sad. I remember when Superman had some dignity. He wore a suit and tie, modestly went into a phone booth to change, stuff like that.

He was polite to people, didn’t abuse his x-ray vision around women any more than most guys would. The kind of stand-up dude you’d like to see crashing through your roof during Sunday dinner.

Put your hands where Santa can see ‘em, kid!

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the block,
Not a creature was stirring, thanks to my Glock

Blog Guy, considering the state of the world these days, do you think Santa Claus is safe? He’d make a pretty attractive target for militants.

Assume the position, Mom!

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From China comes a story about a police chief who has taken down nearly 50 of his relatives, including brothers, cousins and in-laws. Can you imagine the family Thanksgiving gatherings if this guy was your relative?

“Uncle Ed, would you like white meat or dark meat?”

“You’re under arrest.”

“Uncle Eddie! Look at my toy!”

“FREEZE, punk!”

“More pumpkin pie, Edward?”

“Okay, that was a warning shot!”

But what isn’t clear from the story is WHY he’s arrested so many relations. Is he in the Corleone family? Is he Barney Fife? Or is he just the laziest cop in the history of the world?

Another can of hairspray, Stumpy!

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Blog Guy, now that our election is over, I need a political fix. What are some interesting parties to watch?

I like the guys in these photos. They’re an opposition faction in Egypt, and I just call them the Genius Party. You can spot them using aerosol cans to spray fire.

51 Ways to Leave Your Lover…

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Congratulations, it’s your wedding day!

Sure, as the groom, you may have cold feet, it’s only natural. Like maybe you’re afraid to take the plunge because oh, let’s just say for instance you remembered you’re already married to someone else.

So on the morning of the wedding you go talk reasonably to your bride-to-be, or her parents, or your clergyman, right?

Scram! It’s Jeannie Lamborghini!

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Note to TV producers: The bidding starts today on a new super-hit series. It’s an action cop show called Jeannie Lamborghini, and it’s all true. And by “all true,” I mean some of it is true.

The Italian police have their own Lamborghini sports car for police work. It can go 203 miles an hour, perfect for catching getaway cars that can only hit 200. It has gadgets galore, even a heart defibrillator, which of course will be used to zap street scum in every episode.

Putting the sass back into assassination?

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Blog Guy, I know you’ve helped a lot of people with fashion requests.

Well, a bunch of us gals have formed a death squad. You know, nothing fancy, just small assassinations, some vigilante bake sales, Tupperware incursions into blue states, stuff like that.

Of course, we’d like to look good – we’re about being sassy, not slovenly, and we may run into some hunky guys in a male death squad. Any ideas? By the way, don’t even TRY finding out who we are!