Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Your last chance to become a super hero?

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fusion-2-140.jpgJust what we need, another frickin’ super hero. This one’s “Fusion Man,” and check out the slideshow. I guess he has an okay act, if you’re impressed by a macho hunk soaring majestically over the Alps in a rocket suit, nothing below him but miles of blue sky. But I worry that all the good super personas have been taken, leaving nothing for guys like me.

I need something just a little safer, so I’m trademarking my own super character, “Airport Moving Sidewalk Man!” Picture the scene:

“Someone PLEASE help me! Ruffians have grabbed my duty-free Chivas Regal!”

“Fear not, gentle lady! “Airport Moving Sidewalk Man” is on their trail!”

Point the gun at me and look mad!

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gandolfini-160.jpgA tour company in Rio de Janeiro is in trouble because along with taking people on tours of the city’s notorious slums, it has been arranging for tourists to meet with genuine armed drug traffickers, and even have pictures taken with them. Who knew there was a market for that?

But here’s the best part. Instead of denying it, the guy from the tour firm in question said yeah, he does have tours like that, but “I’m not the only one.” Ah, good to know there’s competition.

Life is swell in our cartel!

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kaibil-skull-120.jpgLife a struggle? Help us smuggle!

Let’s say your business requires you to transport certain items quietly, without much attention. I believe the technical word for it is smuggling. Where do you get guys to do that for you? The local pool hall?

If you’re in Guatemala, it turns out you just advertise on radio, as if you were selling Buicks or something. The ads, aimed at recruiting elite Kaibil ex-soldiers, offer work “securing vehicles transporting merchandise to Mexico,” and then, naturally, they give a contact phone number!

Rookie, where’s your pillow?

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This is another in the popular series we call “Things Maybe we Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.” Here we have a photo of a dude we’re told is a new police graduate in Iraq, demonstrating his skills by playing dead.

Huh? I don’t think they teach that class to police cadets here, and frankly I’m a little surprised there is a need for it in Iraq.  From what you read, you’d think the police over there would have other stuff to occupy their time.

Grandma, here’s your pail of BlackBerries!

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handheld-120.jpgOnce upon a time, Grandma sent her three grandchildren into the woods to gather blackberries, so she could make a fine dessert for dinner.

The first child returned with a pail of plump blackberries. The second came back with red holly berries, which happen to be poisonous. The third went into the city, pulled the Big Con Switcheroo on a bunch of dimwit business guys, and brought grandma a bucket of BlackBerry handhelds with high resale value.

The flawless diamond caper…

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parkour-160.jpg I’ve been planning this heist for months, but now that we’re going in, I feel like maybe I overlooked some detail. I guess that’s natural.

Let’s see. I know for sure that $14 million worth of  flawless diamonds are in the mansion. I know this is the one day a year when they leave that titanium  vault open and the back door ajar so the appraiser can get in. This is the day they take their killer dobermans on a picnic and  leave two friendly, well-fed golden retrievers to guard the whole  shebang…

New cargo shorts, Mr. bin Laden?

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This photo from Afghanistan stopped me cold. Is the guy in the white cap wearing a Burberry scarf? Have they opened a little shop in downtown Kabul to compete with Louis Vuitton and others?

Okay, another possibility. Say the scarf is counterfeit, an occasional problem with this distinctive plaid. This still means designer stuff has made it to Afghanistan!

Wait here, boss, I’m going out to my car!

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It turns out a “take-your-guns-to-work” law was just passed by the Florida senate, letting workers keep guns in their cars for self-protection, so road rage doesn’t need to be just an empty outburst, and then lock those guns in their cars while they go into work.

It does exempt some workplaces, like nuclear power plants, prisons and schools, so obviously it’s been carefully thought through. But what about those Cape Canaveral astronauts? Can they take guns up to the shuttle? And you have to think about the heat, which can top a sizzling 100 degrees there. When your coworkers leave guns and ammo on the dashboard in the sun, will there be surprises?

Hey! Are you wearing Lollipop’s underpants?

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Blog Guy, Where can I buy used underpants belonging to a major drug trafficker?

drug-lord-160.jpgBoy, I wish you had asked me that yesterday! Down in Brazil they had a huge sale of stuff confiscated from the mansions of a Colombian guy named Juan Carlos Ramirez Abadia.

You mean Lollipop?

Yes. I can see you really know your drug traffickers. Anyway, thousands of people clamored to buy his stuff. I’m not sure how smart that was, though. Sure, Lollipop is spending 30 years in prison, but what do you think he’ll do if he breaks out, which can happen in Brazil?

Is this even against the law?

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It seems from our video clip that this robber used hypnosis to make a grocery cashier empty a cash register and hand him the money. The good stuff never happens in my lane!

hypnotism1.jpg“How ya doin’? Ballpark Franks are buy one, get one free today.”