This is the feel-good story of the month. It seems this woman trying to make “manure bombs” slipped into a tank of dung and fled the crime scene, naked. Police found her clothing in a field.

Now, a couple of observations. First, if it takes the cops more than 20 minutes to find her, they really suck. A naked, manure-covered chick  in a rural area stands out, except maybe during sorority hazing week. No guy in a car is going to pick her up, because, well, naked or not, a guy has to draw the line somewhere.

The other thing is, police say there were actually TWO women. The other one, who didn’t fall in, stuck around to help pull her naked friend out of the manure, which is far more than I would do for anybody I know. If this doesn’t put her on the fast track to sainthood, then what kind of world are we living in?

A man pours cow manure into his homemade biofuel producer in the community of Guazapa, El Salvador, in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Luis Galdamez

This isn’t the kind of jewelry heist where they use the word “mastermind” a lot. The robber didn’t work too hard on a plan, and luckily he found a shop that didn’t try too hard to foil him, either.

The guy asks to see a bunch of rings and necklaces, which he tries on, and then walks out and gets in a taxi. However, I think even I could find this dude, since he’s described as 6′5″, weighing 250 pounds, with a Chinese symbol tattooed on his neck. Nice touch to try on necklaces, so they couldn’t possibly miss the tattoo. 

Anyway, while he made off with several items, the total value was just $9,800. With the price of gold and gems today, he must have gone OUT OF HIS WAY to find the cheapest stuff in the store! “Excuse me, do you have some gold-painted plastic beads, and some tin rings with cut glass in them that I can try on?”

The heist story

Probably not the robber: Christie’s jewellery specialist displays rings in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Denis Balibouse  

A model presents a creation by Italian designer Riccardo Tisci for French fashion house Givenchy as part of Fall/Winter 2008/09 women’s ready-to-wear fashion show in Paris February 27, 2008.  REUTERS/Gonzalo Fuentes

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I have very poor vision, but my life’s dream is to join a motorcycle gang. Do you know of any that would make an allowance for bad eyesight?

I think so. It would appear that some members of the Bandidos gang have a similar affliction. You can see them here, apparently holding documents very near their face in order to read them. But the bottom photo suggests that if you have other social skills, like hand-shaking, you will be accepted.

Thank you! I’ll contact them! Do you know if they’re taking new members?

Well, if they ride on the German highways while covering their faces like that, I’m guessing they have quite a few openings.

Related, sort of: Frog on a hog…

A member of the Bandidos motorcycle gang covers his face as he is welcomed by his lawyer in a courtroom in the German town of Muenster June 10, 2008. Two members of the Bandidos are accused of having murdered a member of the rival Hell’s Angels gang in 2007. REUTERS/Wolfgang Rattay

More stuff from Oddly Enough

I did a very popular item about a phrase book for folks  going to Austria for Euro 2008, to help get by in the local dialect. The guide is REALLY useful if you get a bit creative. Say you decide to rob a convenience store. By mixing up actual phrases from various pages, you can say:

“All by yourself? Do you have a safe? Give me the money!  Do you understand? Come on, you joker, let me get by!  I’m making a quick getaway! ”

See what I mean? Here’s another creative example:

“I’m Karl and these are my friends  I’d like to have a coffee with brandy or rum…  Now I need a beer to get me back on my feet! I still feel the alcohol in my veins.  Can’t we have just one last small glass of wine…? Today I fainted…” 

How convenient is THAT? All it lacks is: “Hello, I’m Karl and I’m an alcoholic…”

Here is the guide.  Maybe you’d like to put together your own creative phrases. 

(above) drawing from the phrase book 

(below) Austrian artist Christian Ludwig Attersee and art students present labels for wine bottles with soccer themes in Vienna March 31, 2008. REUTERS/Herwig Prammer

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Handy Summer Travel Tip #42: Airlines are clamping down on carry-on luggage regulations. If you have a hanging bag for your suits, you may meet resistance in carrying it aboard the airplane. 

Take these two businessmen, who are probably violating several other airline rules in the process of expressing their very strong feelings about their carry-on bags. In international airline parlance, this maneuver is known as “The Butch and Sundance Ploy.”

Please return for tomorrow’s Handy Summer Travel Tip #43: “Gasoline too expensive? Eight rolling road trips you can take that are entirely downhill…”

Members of Austrian police special unit demonstrate skills during a drill for the EURO 2008 in Wiener Neustadt, Austria, May 16, 2008.REUTERS/Herbert Neubaue

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Just what we need, another frickin’ super hero. This one’s “Fusion Man,” and check out the slideshow. I guess he has an okay act, if you’re impressed by a macho hunk soaring majestically over the Alps in a rocket suit, nothing below him but miles of blue sky. But I worry that all the good super personas have been taken, leaving nothing for guys like me.

I need something just a little safer, so I’m trademarking my own super character, “Airport Moving Sidewalk Man!” Picture the scene:

“Someone PLEASE help me! Ruffians have grabbed my duty-free Chivas Regal!”

“Fear not, gentle lady! “Airport Moving Sidewalk Man” is on their trail!”

“But they’re running, and you’re barely moving on that sidewalk! You’re an imbecile!”

“No need to thank me, ma’am, just doing what’s right…”

Related post: I’m Toothache Man! You know the drill!

Former professional Swiss military pilot Yves Rossy, also known as “Fusionman,” soars in the sky like a rocketeer in the southern Swiss Alps near Bex May 14, 2008. REUTERS/Denis Balibouse

A tour company in Rio de Janeiro is in trouble because along with taking people on tours of the city’s notorious slums, it has been arranging for tourists to meet with genuine armed drug traffickers, and even have pictures taken with them. Who knew there was a market for that?

But here’s the best part. Instead of denying it, the guy from the tour firm in question said yeah, he does have tours like that, but “I’m not the only one.” Ah, good to know there’s competition.

“Mr. Soprano! Can I call you Tony? Sorry to barge into your Bada Bing! office here. Can you just stand between me and the little woman for a snapshot? Yeah, keep that real mean look! Say, can you kind of point that gun at me, Tony?”

James Gandolfini: REUTERS/Phil McCarten

Brazilian police recover body of alleged drug trafficker in Rocinha shantytown of Rio de Janeiro in a 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Bruno Domingos

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Life a struggle? Help us smuggle!

Let’s say your business requires you to transport certain items quietly, without much attention. I believe the technical word for it is smuggling. Where do you get guys to do that for you? The local pool hall?

If you’re in Guatemala, it turns out you just advertise on radio, as if you were selling Buicks or something. The ads, aimed at recruiting elite Kaibil ex-soldiers, offer work “securing vehicles transporting merchandise to Mexico,” and then, naturally, they give a contact phone number!

Our story says officials are “investigating” the ads, but that’s a tough one. Gosh, where would you even begin?

More posts about crime

Kaibils cross a river during an exhibition in the Special Forces Brigade, known as “Kaibil`s Hell”, in Guagemala, in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Carlos Duarte

More stuff from Oddly Enough

This is another in the popular series we call “Things Maybe we Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.” Here we have a photo of a dude we’re told is a new police graduate in Iraq, demonstrating his skills by playing dead.

Huh? I don’t think they teach that class to police cadets here, and frankly I’m a little surprised there is a need for it in Iraq.  From what you read, you’d think the police over there would have other stuff to occupy their time.

“Yo Ron! The new duty roster is posted. Yep, you and I are both playing dead all week. Sweet deal, dude! We lie down for four hours, sit up and eat lunch, then lie down for another four, and then it’s off to the doughnut shop! Is this a great place, or what?”

Related post: Like they don’t have enough problems?

A new police graduate lies on the ground and plays dead during a demonstration of skills by new police graduates in Najaf, Iraq, April 24, 2008. Some 425 police cadets graduated on Thursday after three months of training at a police academy in Najaf. REUTERS/Ali Abu Shish

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Once upon a time, Grandma sent her three grandchildren into the woods to gather blackberries, so she could make a fine dessert for dinner.

The first child returned with a pail of plump blackberries. The second came back with red holly berries, which happen to be poisonous. The third went into the city, pulled the Big Con Switcheroo on a bunch of dimwit business guys, and brought grandma a bucket of BlackBerry handhelds with high resale value.

Grandma tossed the plump blackberries out for the robins. She baked the holly berries into a festive pie which she sent to the IRS along with her tax check. Then she pawned the handhelds for a bundle, and tonight she’s eating at Cheesecake Factory. The children get their fine dessert, and granny is knocking back Tanqueray martinis like there’s no tomorrow.

And they all lived happily ever-after.

Trashed Blackberry phones in a bucket during the NBC Today Show in New York, April 21, 2008. REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson

More stuff from Oddly Enough