Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Baby, wanna party with a persistent seller?

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The writer George Orwell would have enjoyed this one. He understood the awesome power of words. It turns out Britain is thinking of removing the term “prostitute” from criminal statutes because – I’m not making this up – it carries too much stigma.

Aiming to find new words for the world’s oldest profession, a new bill refers simply to persons who sell sex persistently, which is defined as twice or more in three months. “It’s been around since 1824, so it was a bit outdated. It just wasn’t really helpful to label people,” a Justice Ministry spokeswoman said.

This worries me. If we’re going to knock out words for being old, there go Shakespeare, the King James Version of the Bible, and, well, a few other noted works. Readers, please use Post a Comment to propose other trendy new names for old crimes.

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A prostitute wears a creation of the Daspu Spring/Summer 2007-2008 collection show in Rio de Janeiro May 22, 2007. Daspu is a fashion house founded and run by prostitutes whose designs have become the talk of Brazil’s fashion industry. REUTERS/Bruno Domingos

Shiftless crooks clutch over stick…

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So these two teenagers, armed with a gun, approach a guy outside a pizza place in Georgia, and take his wallet and car keys. Then they jump into his Honda Accord to make their daring getaway, only to find out it has a super high-tech security device, called a stick shift.

While one of the teens tried in vain to start the car, employees of the restaurant called the police, who came and made arrests. According to one witness, the only thing the would-be thief was able to turn on was the car’s radio.  

The most moronic thief that never was…

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After analyzing dozens of still photos, and video shot from two angles, and freezing single frames like it’s the Zapruder film, experts agree that the President of the United States did not have his wristwatch stolen. This is quite a blow for me, since I love stories about dumb criminals, and this guy would have been the king of dumb criminals.

“Let’s see, I think I’ll take George Bush’s watch, because he only has a few hundred bodyguards with assault weapons, and videocameras are recording every move, and my escape route is completely blocked by a sea of people, and this whole place is surrounded by police. Yup, sounds like a plan.”

Waxing silly over glamour in the slammer

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Dear Blog Guy,
What’s the silliest thing you’ve seen so far, regarding coverage of Paris Hilton’s hard time in the Big House?
Just Wondering

That’s a tough call. I thought it was kind of amusing when we showed photos and video of what the bunk and toilet in her cell would look like, and I laughed out loud when I saw the murky footage of dark cars driving her to the jail. That segment resembled a Cold War Berlin prisoner exchange scene in some low-budget movie. Then there was the quote from her lawyer saying Hilton plans to use her jail time to reflect on her life and decide how she can “make the world a better place.”

Christmas present a real hit…

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Normally criminal gang killings are such a tawdry affair, you have to give some points when somebody tries to make them a little special. Like for instance the suspected drug hitmen in Tijuana who just killed a guy and wrapped him in Christmas gift-wrap for the police to find.

Police said the victim was all taped up in festive wrapping paper with a Christmas tree motif.

The knight of the living dead?

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Indian politician Lal Bihari may have the most focused demographic of any campaign in history. He is campaigning for the rights of people who have been declared legally dead by cheating relatives seeking to steal their assets.

And Bihari knows what that’s like. He says he lost his father’s inheritance years ago because an unscrupulous uncle allegedly had him declared dead. Bihari formed the “Union of the Dead” in 1980 to fight for the rights of thousands he says have fallen victim to similar scams.

Gosh, eternity used to seem a lot longer…

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Dear Blog Guy,
My soul mate and I want to do something to symbolize our eternal love. You seem to be a man of the world, what do you suggest?
Smitten

Well, Smitten, Rome is maybe the most romantic city in the world, and lots of lovers there have recently been putting padlocks on lampposts, then throwing the keys into the Tiber River, so the locks will be there forever. Very romantic.

Don’t look at that chalk outline, sweetie!

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Say, what kind of school is this, anyway? It turns out four Albanian teachers have been censured for drunken and lewd behavior in a remote village school after they had sex behind a classroom blackboard. Incensed parents locked the schoolhouse to stop the drinking and sex.

“Would you call someone a teacher who drinks raki at ten in the morning and gets drunk and chases the schoolgirls?” asked the irate father of one of the students.

Think “Rocky” meets “Million-Dollar Baby”

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If there isn’t a movie here, then what is Hollywood for? From Thailand comes news that an imprisoned drug seller will enter the ring next month in a fight not only for a world boxing title, but for her freedom as well.

Siriporn Taweesook, who has already spent seven years behind bars, could be paroled three years early as a reward if she wins the WBC light-flyweight title. I think we call that a “motivated competitor,” and I’m guessing the best seats will go to producers, agents and screenwriters.

Travel to Hannibal’s home! Lock up the fava beans, boys!

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No, thanks.  No matter how many exclamation marks you put beside it, an invitation like this just isn’t too enticing.   

Some folks in Lithuania are offering a visit to Hannibal Lecter’s home as described in the novel and movie, Hannibal Rising. For $131 you get to tour the capital and visit a nearby estate for a “Hannibal feast” and a meeting with “Lecter.”