Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Really? You’ve had no professional training?

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fashion insane this 490

Lamar, I’m at the end of my rope. We have to find cheaper models for our fashion shows. We’ve tried zombies, dead people, puppets….

FRANCE-FASHION/What we need is a group of women who will make their own outfits, do their own hair and makeup, and strut the runway, all for free.

Relax, Boss, I’ve found exactly what you just described.

Who are they, Lamar? Who are these amazing, generous fashion angels?

The criminally insane, Boss.

Excuse me?

I just showed up over at the State Prison, signed 20 gals out on day passes, put ‘em in a dressing room with fabric and makeup, and voila!

Lamar, you’re a genius! But are they good models? Do they have a “Come hither” glance?

Curses! Here comes Big Red!

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Blog Guy, I’m a young female who wants to become a super heroine, sort of like Wonder Woman. I know she was an Amazon. Any idea where she bought her costume?

I guess Amazon.com would be too obvious?

heroine redhead 240Oh. That makes sense. You’ve written about a place called Super-Chicks R Us. Are they still in business?

Bubble, bubble, I’m in trouble?

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witches top 490

From Romania comes news that the government has proposed a law under which people who practice witchcraft can be fined or even imprisoned if their predictions do not come true. I am NOT making this up.

witches horiz this 240Now, let’s set aside the fact that such a law seems more appropriate for fortune-tellers than for witches. Maybe job distinctions overlap over there. But whatever predictions they do make are suddenly going to be a LOT less specific…

Come to the border for a fling?

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I love this story. It seems some Mexican smugglers were planning to hurl drugs across the border, using an actual catapult. The Mexican military seized 45 pounds of marijuana and a metal-framed catapult, just south of the Arizona border.

catapult 490

I’m not making this up. The catapult is similar to those used across medieval Europe to fling fire, rocks and rotting corpses into towns under siege.

Rinse and spit…

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Blog Guy, you used to have a regular feature called, “What Former Dental Hygienists are Doing.” It was lively, timely and we all loved it, so what happened to it?

ITALY-BERLUSCONI/I’m sorry, I guess I dropped the ball on that. Give me another chance. Look, here’s the former dental hygienist for Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

Don’t try any funny stuff

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clown cops 490

Blog Guy, I am foreign person you help in the past, learning English as second language. Good morning.

Good morning, foreign person. What can I do for you today?

Please explain American expression, “adding insult to injury…”

Are you high yet? Snort some more…

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Welcome back to our regular feature, Human Remains in the News.

It seems burglars tried snorting the cremated remains of a man and two dogs, taken from a Florida home,  in the mistaken belief that the ashes were drugs.

MEXICO/I swear I am not making this up. The ashes were stolen a month ago, along with some other stuff, and police learned about the snorting this week when they arrested five teens in connection with another burglary attempt.

Saving for college, one holdup at a time

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As a humor blogger, if there’s one question I get more than any other it’s “Blog Guy, college is so darned expensive these days, how can I afford to send my kids there?”

college trump 320That’s where I can help out. Not with my own original ideas, you understand, but by quoting an expert – let’s call him Dan – who knows money secrets normally available only to the super-rich.

Incredible photo; they shot each other

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PHILIPPINES

Although the new year is only a few days old, we may already have identified the most incompetent criminal of 2011.

He is the dimwit in the far left who is about to assassinate a local village politician in the Philippines who, it turns out, is pointing a camera at  him at the same time.

Sales from the crypt…

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What is the matter with people?

I mean, please. This year, we saw somebody buy Bernard Madoff’s underwear and John Lennon’s toilet. Elvis Presley’s toe tag was briefly on the market, until there was a dispute over who owned it.

oswald coffin 240 verticalAll of these ghoulish transactions were clear signs of the onrushing Apocalypse, and yet they somehow pale by comparison to an auction a few days ago.