Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Hey Billy, you’re gettin’ out of hell!

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Blog Guy, I need your help. I have too much important stuff on my mind lately, and I need something to think about that is totally irrelevant.

PARDON/BILLYTHEKIDI mean, this needs to be so inconsequential that after I think about it, I’ll feel dirty just for wasting my time on it.

You sure came to the right place, stranger! How about the issue of whether Billy the Kid should get a pardon?

People are discussing that? Tell me more!

It turns out New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson is reviewing a pardon petition based on the widespread belief that an earlier territorial governor promised Billy a pardon in exchange for his testimony in a murder trial.

Think you could kill her for a little less?

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This is just pathetic. You may have seen the story about a former TV chef who pleaded no contest to trying to have his wife killed, and was sentenced to nine years in prison.

calorie commando 260Thankfully his wife wasn’t harmed, but here’s the disgusting thing. Did this guy try to find an experienced, professional hitman like a decent husband would do?

Scram! It’s a real drug bust!

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drug suspect this 490

Blog Guy,  I’m thinking about becoming a drug dealer, or maybe even a drug kingpin, but fashion is important to me.  Can you give me some idea of the dress code for this exciting field?

drug suspect flipflops 300Well, first I should advise you strongly against choosing this profession. It is illegal in many states, and even some foreign countries.

Can I have a beer first, Doctor?

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nightclub 490

Blog Guy, I have a medical question. I’m a woman considering getting breast implants. Where can I go to get a breast exam and a reliable professional opinion on this?

I’d probably just head for a nightclub. There may be a doctor there who can examine you right on the spot.

Weekend at Bernie’s?

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Two days ago I wrote about an auction where the government was going to sell a bunch of stuff belonging to big-time swindler Bernie Madoff, including some of his underwear and a pair of monogrammed slippers…

MADOFF/So just to update you, the auction was yesterday and it raked in more than $2 million. A 10-carat diamond ring alone fetched $550,000.

The Used Underwear of the Apocalypse?

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madoff auction 490

Blog Guy, thank you so much for keeping us alert on signs of that Apocalypse which seems to be hurtling toward us. Last week you warned us about the proliferation of craters and sinkholes. Are there any new signs?

MADOFF/You bet. Tomorrow, keep your eyes on an auction of stuff that once belonged to Bernie Madoff, the mega-swindler who is serving 150 years in prison.

Get the Lobo, Bobo, we’re drivin’ to Cabo!

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USA/

I love this story, and I’m not even making it up.

The president of Ford’s subsidiary in Mexico says his company’s Lobo pickup trucks are so popular with drug cartel hitmen that regular people are now afraid to drive the trucks and risk having soldiers and police mistake them for criminals.

2005 Ford F-150 Lobo EditionWhich is why Lobo sales have – you’ll excuse the expression – slumped.

Live up to your employer’s expectations!

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I wish the news media would think twice about the impact of stories they run. You take this news item about a survey that found more than half of private small company executives EXPECT employees to steal something of value within the next year.

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Indeed, the survey found bosses EXPECT their workers to be much worse than they really are.

Ax murderer? I’ll just tick Self-Employed!

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RUSSIA/

I’m sorry, I just can’t stop laughing at this one. We have this series of photos showing census-takers conducting a general census of the population of a male prison camp in Siberia.

Excuse me? Shouldn’t the authorities already KNOW how many people they have in a prison, and who they are and everything?

Do you have a flare for stupidity?

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SOCCER-EURO/

Blog Guy, me and others like me are being discriminated against. We’re dumbasses, and we don’t think there are enough ways for us to express ourselves these days.

I have to disagree there, ace. From where I sit, opportunities for dumbasses have never been greater.