Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
You here for business or pleasure, Mr. Stinky?
Man, the actual news is so goofy this week, I don’t even have to invent my own.
You take for instance this true story about a truck driver I like to call Mr. Stinky, who got caught trying to smuggle 28 TONS of garlic from Norway into Sweden. Jeez, what do you suppose tipped them off?
“Pssssssssst! Lamar! Come in here! Close the door.”
“Sure Boss. What do you need?”
“I want you to handle a little smuggling job for me, like you’ve done in the past.”
“What is it this time? Stolen art? Drugs?”
“No Lamar, it’s garlic.”
“You got vampire trouble again, Boss? How many cloves of garlic do you need?”
I’m gonna eat your heart! Uh, is that it?
Welcome to another installment of our popular feature, Folks Who Didn’t Pay Attention in Anatomy Class.
Meet Nicolas, a French convict whose problems began when he simply asked his cellmate to wash his hands after he used the toilet.
Come for the beaches, stay for the bloodbaths
Jeez, I couldn’t make this news stuff up, even if they paid me a lot more than they do.
There is a serious drug war going on down in Mexico. Images of gruesome decapitations, charred and tortured bodies hanging from bridges, and brazen daytime shoot-outs are commonplace in the media.
You must be the Head Bear
Blog Guy, I need you to settle a bet with the guy who’s asphalting my nephew’s driveway.
Yes, yes, fine, that’s my sole purpose for living, to settle bets. What is it this time?
Puff faster, I need to change your diaper
Blog Guy, it’s Memorial Day! Isn’t that when you announce your coveted “Why Isn’t This Person in Jail Award?”
Yes, what a good memory you have.
That’s a longstanding tradition in this blog that began way back, well, today… May I have the envelope please?
When handball turns hardball…
Blog Guy, I know you closely follow all sports, and I have a question about handball.
Sure. But are you talking about regular handball, or Greek handball?
Huh? What’s the difference?
In regular handball they use a ball. In Greek handball, they hurl chairs. Athletes who are accustomed to regular handball tend to be in for a surprise when they go to Greece to play.
The case of the missing roller skater…
Blog Guy, do you handle missing persons cases?
I’ve never done one before, but how hard could it be? Who’s missing?
My husband, Lamar. He took off eight years ago to get a large pepperoni pizza, and he never came back.
Out on a limb with Lindsay Lohan?
Why me, Lord, why ME?
Okay, film production staff, as you know, we signed Lindsay Lohan to a huge three-movie deal and we’re about to begin production. Then, yesterday, a judge ruled that she has to wear this big black butt-ugly alcohol monitoring device on her ankle, 24/7, to make sure she doesn’t drink any booze. It NEVER comes off.
So Lamar, hand me those three scripts she’s supposed to start shooting next week. I’m hoping this bracelet device won’t interfere with the story-lines.
Make way for the Montreal Dumbasses!
“Yo, Lamar! Our team just won a hockey game! Let’s celebrate!”
“I have an idea, Lonnie, let’s be total dumbasses and loot a liquor store!”
What to do when you lock yourself out
Blog Guy, you seem to be in a foul mood today. Is anything wrong?
Don’t even get me started about my morning. It was the WORST!
When I got to my office I realized I had left my key at home, and I didn’t want to go all the way back to get it.
What did you do?
The usual stuff. First I kicked the door a few times, really hard, but it wouldn’t open.
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