Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Bring on the dancing bodyguards!

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Blog Guy, I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of seeing photos of world leaders and their bodyguards. You can always spot them, and they just look menacing. Isn’t there a better way to protect important people?

BRITAIN/Indeed there is. This man is Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, with the guards who travel with him.

Note how graceful they look, but make no mistake. They are a formidable fighting force, ready to take on anybody with martial arts and an array of…

Wait a minute, Blog Guy. No offense, but it looks like they weren’t even able to protect the mayor from a bad barber. Where did you get your information on this?

They’re like Charlie’s Angels, only nastier!

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MEXICO/

Okay sales staff, the big civil defense and security equipment exhibition is coming up, and we need to push our merchandise. Let’s brainstorm!

gun chicks vertical 260Boss, it’s me, Lonnie! What if we pass out glossy brochures about peaceful crowd control and stuff like that?

When the breasts are fake, and so is the doctor…

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Quick quiz: Who would you LEAST like to find out is a bogus, untrained fraud?

FRANCEa) The guy fixing your washing machine

b) The yard man trimming your magnolias

c) The accountant preparing your taxes

d) The plastic surgeon doing your breast implants

Yeah, I think most of us would have to go with that breast implant thing.

In Venezuela, police have arrested a man and woman accused of impersonating plastic surgeons and providing women with silicon breast and buttock implants from an illegal clinic in an apartment.

Police were tipped off by a former client, and caught the suspects in an apartment which contained surgical equipment and a surgical table.

You have the right to remain silent…

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AZERBAIJAN/

Blog Guy, are you forgetting something? You haven’t given your coveted Visual Irony Award for this month. That’s the only reason many of us read your blog.

Wow, is it really that time again? Thanks for the reminder. The latest Visual Irony Award goes to a plain-clothes policeman in Azerbaijan.

High-caliber artistes needed…

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Blog Guy, I need some career advice, and you’re the expert.  I’m artistic, and people say I have a good eye for design. I would enjoy working in developing countries.

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Have you thought about the exciting field of confiscation design?

No. I don’t know what that is.

See, in places where officials confiscate a lot of guns and ammo from drug cartels, militants, etc., somebody has to arrange the stuff artistically for photographers.

Monkey cops, when it’s a jungle out there!

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THAILAND-SOUTH/

Okay boys, prepare yourselves for the new smash hit series of  the fall TV season. This is the kind of high concept creativity that made network programming what it is today.

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It’s about this small town that can’t afford to fund its police force, so a bunch of monkeys come out of the jungle and take over the cop duties. Is that brilliant, or what?

Why are we smiling again?

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MEXICO/

Quick quiz: These happy kids are smiling because…

students crop 280A) They all got dates to the prom with cute, well-mannered boys

B) They are confident that healthcare reform will pass soon

C) Their high school is burning down behind them

D) Two tons of marijuana, heroin and cocaine is ablaze, and the wind may shift their way….

Yeah, it’s the drug thing, although you never know. If the fire burns out of control, maybe it will reach their school and they’ll get a two-fer.  Meanwhile, it’s a great day to be alive…

Five annoying things about the Census

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I’m not a trouble-maker. I do what I’m told. But  a few days ago I made fun of the U.S. Census people for spending a fortune to send letters telling us our Census forms would arrive soon. I figure I’m alert enough to spot the form when it lands.

census joseph 220I guess the Census is a good thing. They had one in the Bible, which is how Mary and Joseph ended up in Bethlehem. There’s a census every 10 years, so that’s why they went in the year 0000.

They’re even more tasteless than I am!

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Those of us who make a modest living from the absurd, the ironic and the tasteless cannot sit back and watch other people run such things into the ground. I made the same point recently, when televangelist Pat Robertson hurtled totally off the absurdity scale in his comments about Haiti’s pact with the devil.

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Here we go again. Do the images above look familiar? They are supposed to remind you of the footage we saw in January, of an alleged Israeli assassination team that killed a senior Hamas commander in Dubai.

Keep going, Honey, this is the last verse!

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CHILE/

Welcome to a new installment of our popular feature, “Stuff Maybe We Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.”

CHILE/The caption on these photos tells us this singer named Anahi “performs” during a song festival in Chile.