Blog Guy, I know you like to stop being obnoxious every so often and show a soft side, with cute animal pictures and stuff like that. How about doing something nice for Mothers Day, so I can e-mail it to my mom instead of buying a card?

Well, maybe just this once. In fact, I tucked away this wonderful photo back in March, with exactly this occasion in mind. But don’t worry, the Express Train to Hell will stop here bright and early on Monday, as usual.

More cute animal babies and moms

A newborn baby orangutan rests in the arms of its mother Mona at the zoo in Aalborg March 18, 2008. REUTERS/Scanpix/Henning Bagger

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Blog Guy, I saw your Cute Animal Showdown between pandas and polar bears a few days ago. Our family voted and we await the results. Meanwhile, there are other adorable animals. Can you toss us some variety?

I guess you’re right. Would three six-day-old tiger cubs do the trick? The usual bit of advice that comes with these pictures: If you can’t think of anybody who would love to get these guys in an e-mail from you, then you need some new friends.

And for those who haven’t yet visited the big All-Star Adorable mega-match, stop by Please bear with me…

Unlimited cute animals

Amur tiger cubs sit in a wooden bowl at a private zoo in Ukraine, April 21, 2008. They were born on April 15. REUTERS/ Stringer

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Blog Guy, every now and then  you stop being sarcastic long enough to feature cute animals on your blog. But lately, they’ve all been polar bear cubs from Germany. One right after another. Are you on the German zoo payroll?

No way. I have ethical standards, and anyway, the Germans zoos haven’t offered. I’ve actually been working to choose the world’s cutest variety of animal, and I’ve narrowed it down to pandas and polar bears. I want as many opinions as possible, so check out these posts and get back to me.

Flake Slideshow
Polar bear slideshow
Panda slideshow
Tending their Flocke…
Knut the Cute…
More adorability than the average person can take…
Family portrait

Polar Bear and mother: REUTERS/ Alex Grimm  

Panda: REUTERS/Alfred Cheng Jin

Polar Bear: REUTERS/ Wilhelma Zoologisch-Botanischer Garten/Handout

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Blog Guy! This is SO cool! I’ve just read that the Germans put Knut the polar bear on their stamps! Don’t you love that? Do you keep track of the new postage stamps in the States?

Yeah, sort of. My impression is that we could use more cute animals on our stamps.

As usual I have done no time-consuming research on this, but as I recall the last new U.S. postage stamp featured that unnamed Star Trek crewman who always got beamed down with the regulars and never came back.

Or wait, it might have been that old comic book character, Little Lotta, from the short-lived Politically Incorrect Postage series, which it turned out most people were afraid to use. The Post Office was - excuse me - stuck with millions of those things, featuring characters I can’t even mention here.

Related incorrectness: Animated duo lights up the screen…

Lotta: Wikipedia

New Deutsche Post postage stamp with a photo of polar bear cub Knut is pictured in Berlin April 9, 2008. REUTERS/Hannibal Hanschke

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Blog Guy, I have a HUGE money-making idea. Can I swear you to secrecy?

Sure. And all my readers, too. They won’t tell.

Cool. I’m writing a show where animals recreate historic scenes. Gettysburg, Iwo Jima, the Wright brothers, ALL done by animals! I even want to have “Kilroy was here,” that cartoon from World War II. You think an animal could do that?

Hmm. Me and my readers might be able to help you out, for a price…

More cute animals

Polar bear cub Flocke rests in a new outside enclosure at the zoo in Nuremberg on April 8, 2008. REUTERS/ Michaela Rehle

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Blog Guy,

Don’t get me wrong, I love to see your funny stuff about bizarre fashions and stupid careers and so on, but I really love those adorable animal pictures you sometimes have. Do you have anything new?

Good timing, faithful reader. I have a fresh photo of Flocke, the Nuremberg polar bear, so enjoy it. As always, if you don’t know anybody who would love to receive this picture from you, then you need a whole new circle of friends. Also, check out more cute animals.

A handout picture shows polar bear cub Flocke at the zoo in Nuremberg March 27, 2008. REUTERS/Handout/Tiergarten Nurenberg

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Don’t worry, this blog hasn’t gone all sentimental or anything. As regular readers know, we reserve the right to offer up a little pure joy now and then. It won’t last long, and the next train to Hell will be coming through here shortly.

Meanwhile, if you don’t know anybody who would love to see this photo, you need to reorganize your buddy lists.

Polar bear slideshow

Related post: Heartwarming, disarming, charming

A female polar bear is seen with its cub in an enclosure at a zoo in Moscow March 5, 2008. The cub was born last November and rarely appears for visitors.  REUTERS/ Sergei Karpukhin

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If you have one minute and fifty-three seconds to spend lowering your blood pressure and improving your attitude, here is some new video of Flocke the polar bear.

To quote a character from the great Charles Portis novel, Norwood, “I could watch that scutter for an hour!”

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Some pig farmers have a problem. In what they call a last-ditch attempt to save Britain’s pork industry, they are releasing a song on the Internet, called “Stand by your Ham.” See, it’s a reworking of “Stand by your Man,” with a porcine theme.

I’m not sure their choice is quite catchy enough to get the job done. Why didn’t they go for one of the better-known songs from the pork genre? Johnny Cash’s iconic “I Walk the Loin,” Sonny and Cher’s 60’s anthem “I Got You Babe,” the sentimental barbershop quartet standard “Pig ‘o My Heart,” or that favorite from the musical “South Pacific,” “Dites-Moi, Pork-Qua,” just to name a few.

But then again, with photos like these floating around, maybe it’s too late for songs.

Piglets in an undated file photo. REUTERS/University of Missouri-Columbia/Handout

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Regular readers know that this blog reserves the right to take a break now and then from silly fashions, disgusting food, dubious career advice, gyrocopters and other routine fare, to offer unabashedly adorable animals instead. I can’t resist introducing you to Kibongo.

We will return momentarily to our regularly scheduled irony and absurdity.

Related posting: Well, I’ll be a ring-tailed lemur!

Kibongo, a baby crowned lemur, makes its first official appearance at a zoo in Vincennes, near Paris, February 21, 2008. REUTERS/F-G Grandin-PZP-MNHN/Handout

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