Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Hey, I never said I’m proud of myself!

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Blog Guy, I’ve just started a new blog, and I could use some advice from a veteran like yourself. What do you do if you want to get a lot of traffic, but you don’t want to work very hard for it?

That’s called cheap pandering to readers with click-bait, and blogging professionals don’t do it.

Yes, but just between you and me. If you wanted to pander, just once, what would you do?

I’d go for a wide audience. I’d anchor it with a really good new photo of Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge. A close-cropped face shot, just oozing with charm.

Who’s the cutest one of all?

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I’m going to do something a little different today.

There is this writer named Bart King, whose job is almost as much fun as mine. He turns out books with titles like “Big Book of Gross Stuff” and “Pocket Guide to Mischief.”

His latest one, called “Cute! A Guide to All Things Adorable,” has just been published, and I enjoyed it very much. Bart offers clever insight into what makes things seem cute, and why.

When animals know all our secrets…

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Blog Guy, my tax guy’s taxidermist told me something really creepy. He has close ties to the animal kingdom.

You mean from stuffing and mounting them?

Yeah. And he said animals are spying on humans, building up huge dossiers. He says ducks are the worst.

The duchess, the chimp and the corn dog

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This blog’s August statistics are in, and once again, patterns are starting to form which will allow me to do a better job of reaching my audience. It’s all in knowing how to read the results.

Of the 10 most popular items, two were about politicians eating corn dogs, three involved very cute animals and two more featured Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge.

Can YOU pass the Budapest Test?

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Blog Guy, I know you have a background in education. What is the most widely accepted test to identify people with extremely low IQs?

The standard practice is just to look for people who wear baseball caps backwards. It’s foolproof, so to speak.

Obama’s golden opportunity?

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Okay staff, we all know we’ve got a problem. The president isn’t as popular as he used to be. His numbers are down, and the Republicans are slinging mud. Anybody got an idea?

Uh, could he save a small child from a burning runaway freight train, Boss?

Hmmmm. Not bad, Lamar, but he’s done that twice already. I think he needs something different this time.

WARNING: Contents may be too cute for some viewers

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Blog Guy, I guess this is a tough time for you. I mean, it’s summer and people are doing other things, so your blog traffic must have dropped.

Yeah, it always plummets during the summer months.

Is there anything you can do to attract readers? You know, any little tricks?

Well, normally when it gets really bad I pay a chimpanzee to feed milk to a tiger cub. Then I get photos that are adorable beyond comprehension, and run them in my blog.

The top 10 posts for a goofy June…

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June was a very good month for the blog. Our traffic statistics showed that readers flocked to information they could use, along with our hard-hitting exposés of, you know, stuff.

We suggested a Father’s Day gift Dad will never forget, we told you how the rich and powerful manage to look better than you do, and we even told you how to get George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend. Maybe.

Act now, and get a free BONUS photo!

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Blog Guy, I really enjoyed your item on Medo, the world’s cutest bear, visiting your blog a few days ago.

Thanks, that one was very popular. Readers loved Medo.

Can you give us some more pix of him?

Sure, you got it. I’ll do it right now as my Sunday blog post, and then I can go back to sleep.

Cutest bear on earth visits my blog

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Blog Guy, have you ever done anything as a blogger that you’re really ashamed of?

Nothing that anybody can prove.

Really? Nothing?

Okay, okay, I guess you’ve heard I hired Medo the Bear Cub to do cute stuff on my blog today. I mean, we’re heading into the summer lull and I need the traffic.