Blog Guy, I have a HUGE money-making idea. Can I swear you to secrecy?

Sure. And all my readers, too. They won’t tell.

Cool. I’m writing a show where animals recreate historic scenes. Gettysburg, Iwo Jima, the Wright brothers, ALL done by animals! I even want to have “Kilroy was here,” that cartoon from World War II. You think an animal could do that?

Hmm. Me and my readers might be able to help you out, for a price…

More cute animals

Polar bear cub Flocke rests in a new outside enclosure at the zoo in Nuremberg on April 8, 2008. REUTERS/ Michaela Rehle

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Blog Guy,

Don’t get me wrong, I love to see your funny stuff about bizarre fashions and stupid careers and so on, but I really love those adorable animal pictures you sometimes have. Do you have anything new?

Good timing, faithful reader. I have a fresh photo of Flocke, the Nuremberg polar bear, so enjoy it. As always, if you don’t know anybody who would love to receive this picture from you, then you need a whole new circle of friends. Also, check out more cute animals.

A handout picture shows polar bear cub Flocke at the zoo in Nuremberg March 27, 2008. REUTERS/Handout/Tiergarten Nurenberg

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Don’t worry, this blog hasn’t gone all sentimental or anything. As regular readers know, we reserve the right to offer up a little pure joy now and then. It won’t last long, and the next train to Hell will be coming through here shortly.

Meanwhile, if you don’t know anybody who would love to see this photo, you need to reorganize your buddy lists.

Polar bear slideshow

Related post: Heartwarming, disarming, charming

A female polar bear is seen with its cub in an enclosure at a zoo in Moscow March 5, 2008. The cub was born last November and rarely appears for visitors.  REUTERS/ Sergei Karpukhin

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If you have one minute and fifty-three seconds to spend lowering your blood pressure and improving your attitude, here is some new video of Flocke the polar bear.

To quote a character from the great Charles Portis novel, Norwood, “I could watch that scutter for an hour!”

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Some pig farmers have a problem. In what they call a last-ditch attempt to save Britain’s pork industry, they are releasing a song on the Internet, called “Stand by your Ham.” See, it’s a reworking of “Stand by your Man,” with a porcine theme.

I’m not sure their choice is quite catchy enough to get the job done. Why didn’t they go for one of the better-known songs from the pork genre? Johnny Cash’s iconic “I Walk the Loin,” Sonny and Cher’s 60’s anthem “I Got You Babe,” the sentimental barbershop quartet standard “Pig ‘o My Heart,” or that favorite from the musical “South Pacific,” “Dites-Moi, Pork-Qua,” just to name a few.

But then again, with photos like these floating around, maybe it’s too late for songs.

Piglets in an undated file photo. REUTERS/University of Missouri-Columbia/Handout

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Regular readers know that this blog reserves the right to take a break now and then from silly fashions, disgusting food, dubious career advice, gyrocopters and other routine fare, to offer unabashedly adorable animals instead. I can’t resist introducing you to Kibongo.

We will return momentarily to our regularly scheduled irony and absurdity.

Related posting: Well, I’ll be a ring-tailed lemur!

Kibongo, a baby crowned lemur, makes its first official appearance at a zoo in Vincennes, near Paris, February 21, 2008. REUTERS/F-G Grandin-PZP-MNHN/Handout

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As you know, now and then we suspend our usual obsesssion with grotesque fashions for men and women, strange careers, dumb criminals and sickening cuisine, to offer up an adorable creature, instead.

Today’s “awwwwwwww!” moment comes courtesy of a very small polar bear cub in Germany, much like Knut, one of last year’s most popular animals. 

More cute animals in the news:

A handout picture shows a polar bear cub born by polar bear Vera at the zoo in Nuremberg. REUTERS/ Handout/Tiergarten Nuernberg  

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Well Blog Guy, it’s the holidays, and busy people have better things to do than just kill time at work by reading your blog. What do you plan to do to keep your traffic up?

I’m not sure yet. I do know if I were shameless, I’d probably scrounge around for a sweet photo of adorable animals. You know, like maybe a mother tiger hugging her cub. But I’m sure I’ll do better than that. Let’s see what I come up with.

A female Amur tiger, Iris, licks her two-month old cub in a cage in the municipal zoo Royev Ruchey in Russia’s Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk, December 21, 2007. REUTERS/Ilya Naymushin

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Blog Guy, I love the fact that now and then you stop being obnoxious - I mean sarcastic - and devote space in your blog to cute animals. But it’s always dogs and otters and pandas, dogs and otters and pandas…. Can’t you dig up something new and adorable?

I’ve been in a rut, but that’s over. Meet the jerboa, a very obscure creature that with the right marketing skills might just push otters and pandas right out of the limelight. Disney, are you people watching? Check out Benet Allen’s video report:

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As habitual readers of this blog  know, I can’t sustain a 100 percent sarcasm rate. It just wouldn’t be healthy.

So, now and then I take a quick break, usually to show adorable  animals, as in Heartwarming, charming, disarming.

Today’s recipe for lowering blood pressure involves Siberian tiger cubs,  playing at a zoo in Russia. We use the unfortunate word “rehome” in the story, which must  be some kind of “zoo-speak” invention. I guess if this is the season for regifting, rehoming can’t be far behind. Good thing regurgitation is already a word.

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