Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, you wrote recently that they’re starting to use cats for security jobs. Are other new uses being found for cats?
Yes indeed. Many people have started using their cats to do their grocery shopping.
Wait a minute. What do the supermarkets think of that trend?
They LOVE it! Now they can build stores with ceilings just two feet off the ground. In the Midwest, Cats ‘n’ Carts is the fastest-growing supermarket chain!
And there’s absolutely no downside?
Well, naturally some small compromises are required. You have to be prepared to have your cat bring home whatever he feels like getting, whenever he feels like getting it.
A phobic fear of dirt and filth is not something you expect to find in a pig.
Something like that could certainly hamper a pig’s lifestyle, what with all the mud-wallowing and slopping and troughing that are expected of you. Unless maybe…
Unless your personality disorder gets you your own pair of Wellington boots so you can stay clean, which makes people think you’re adorable and attracts attention. And that gives your owners the idea to keep you around as a mascot, instead of using you for that other thing they do, at their sausage company.
Yes, indeed. The dogs were given several acres of wooded land about five years ago, as an experiment to see what they could accomplish.
Blog Guy, a few weeks ago you had a post called Please bear with me… where you invited readers to help choose the cutest animal on Earth – polar bears or giant pandas. Was that ever resolved?
No, and don’t even get me started. Those pandas turned out to be, excuse me, overbearing. They sent their “committee” to meet with me, and they never left.
Blog Guy, I know you like to stop being obnoxious every so often and show a soft side, with cute animal pictures and stuff like that. How about doing something nice for Mothers Day, so I can e-mail it to my mom instead of buying a card?
Well, maybe just this once. In fact, I tucked away this wonderful photo back in March, with exactly this occasion in mind. But don’t worry, the Express Train to Hell will stop here bright and early on Monday, as usual.
Blog Guy, I saw your Cute Animal Showdown between pandas and polar bears a few days ago. Our family voted and we await the results. Meanwhile, there are other adorable animals. Can you toss us some variety?
I guess you’re right. Would three six-day-old tiger cubs do the trick? The usual bit of advice that comes with these pictures: If you can’t think of anybody who would love to get these guys in an e-mail from you, then you need some new friends.
Blog Guy, every now and then you stop being sarcastic long enough to feature cute animals on your blog. But lately, they’ve all been polar bear cubs from Germany. One right after another. Are you on the German zoo payroll?
No way. I have ethical standards, and anyway, the Germans zoos haven’t offered. I’ve actually been working to choose the world’s cutest variety of animal, and I’ve narrowed it down to pandas and polar bears. I want as many opinions as possible, so check out these posts and get back to me.
Yeah, sort of. My impression is that we could use more cute animals on our stamps.
Blog Guy, I have a HUGE money-making idea. Can I swear you to secrecy?
Cool. I’m writing a show where animals recreate historic scenes. Gettysburg, Iwo Jima, the Wright brothers, ALL done by animals! I even want to have “Kilroy was here,” that cartoon from World War II. You think an animal could do that?
Hmm. Me and my readers might be able to help you out, for a price…
More cute animals
Good timing, faithful reader. I have a fresh photo of Flocke, the Nuremberg polar bear, so enjoy it. As always, if you don’t know anybody who would love to receive this picture from you, then you need a whole new circle of friends. Also, check out more cute animals.