Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Step right up for the Creep Show Hall of Fame!
Blog Guy, I know it’s only November, but I’m wondering how you’re coming along in your search for the blog’s coveted Creep Show of the Year Award.
Oh, don’t worry about that, it’s a done deal. It’s a Creep-o-Rama, Creep-a-Palooza…
See, Russian police have arrested a man described by local media as the “cemetery collector” for digging up 29 corpses and dressing the remains in female clothing to display around his apartment.
Holy Crap! Do we know anything about the guy?
Well, friends described him as “eccentric.”
Are you making that up?
Playing Pachelbel’s Cannon at my funeral?
Blog Guy, not to bring up a depressing topic, but have you made plans for what will be done with your body when you die?
I’m arranging that now, thanks to several readers who sent me info about a company called Holy Smoke. They put your cremated ashes into shotgun shells or rifle cartridges, so your friends can shoot you off. Even in death, you can be helping to kill some poor creature.
Their Website says, “We offer a way to honor your deceased loved one by giving or sharing with him or her one more round of clay targets, one last bird hunt, or one last stalk hunt.”
Okay, you’re just making that crap up, Blog Guy.
No, I’m not. Whether you were a big shot or your life was just a flash in the pan, you can go out this way…
I see, now you’re just doing it for the cheap puns. I mean, this is one very goofy plan!
AllThatJazz, it’s because standing in fromt of salmon hued screen is soooo offputting!
Creepy gets a whole lot creepier
Okay, this story is so disturbing I’m not sure where to begin.
A city in Turkey has equipped the local morgue with the latest gadgetry in case any of the bodies stored there have been declared dead by mistake.
It seems alarms and motion detectors in the mortuary will detect the slightest movement if one of the bodies emerges from a coma or unconsciousness.
The story says they took this precaution because the locals are afraid of being buried alive.
But I think a more important point here is that the story says the town isn’t otherwise known for its modernity.
J. was a very interesting young woman, but I don’t think she was THAT interesting. Although, now that I think about it, she did end up majoring in American history. Maybe that throws some light on the subject. Last I heard, she married some working stiff and had babies.
Let’s do something spontaneous, Baby!
Hey Blog Guy, how come you’re sitting in that huge tub of ice cubes up to your neck?
That’s my new “home.” I eat, sleep and blog here, under constant monitoring.
Um, that’s a little strange, Blog Guy. You want to explain what’s going on?
Sure. A coroner in Ireland has officially ruled that a man who burned to death in his home died as a result of spontaneous combustion. The coroner said it’s the first time in 25 years of investigating deaths that he has recorded such a verdict.
So you’re saying a human can actually just burst into flames?
Yes, unless they’re smart enough to sit in a tub of ice cubes night and day, as I’m doing.
Lamar wasn’t expecting Helga to react the way she did when he asked her for a light. He’s given up smoking ever since.
See ya later, crocodile!
Mr. Johnson, we’re here to apply for one of those “Zoo Performer” jobs you advertised. Can you tell us a little about what we’d have to do?
Sure thing, Chris. You stick your head in a crocodile’s mouth for the amusement of zoo visitors.
Gosh Mr. Johnson, that sounds kind of dangerous!
That’s because you don’t know about the space-age polymer mouth guards our crocodiles wear. These big guys can’t close their mouth, no matter how hard they try.
Mr. Johnson, may I ask a question about the jobs?
Of course, Julie.
Great, Georgia. Why am I thinking of one of my favorite quotes from Steel Magnolias?
“There’s some pretty sick tickets in this town.”
The unpaid working for the undead?
Blog Guy, I really want to get into the movie business. Can you help me out?
I suppose I can pull a few strings and get you an unpaid production assistant job on “World War Z,” that new zombie movie starring Brad Pitt.
Wow! I would get to be Brad Pitt’s assistant?
Slow down, Speedy! No, you get to assist the zombies. Stack them in a truck, drive them from scene to scene, use a pitchfork to put them where they belong, and so on.
Can’t they just lurch from place to place?
Hardly. They may be the walking dead, but they are still stars who want to be pampered.
Oh no, rest assured no smurf would be allowed to trade in shops here. You might find Popeye here though,…google popeye village malta. Just saying, not teaching..
Political debate: hanging on every word?
Blog Guy, as an American I get very frustrated watching our lawmakers at work. Is this typical of legislative bodies? Is it better in other countries?
It’s even worse in other places. You take Italy, where this week they debated whether to allow the offices of their prime minister’s accountant to be searched.
The debate became so anguished that it appears one MP tried to blind himself while another tried to hang herself with her own scarf.
Wow, that’s harsh! Did she succeed?
No, it turns out – and this is trivia worth knowing for you science buffs – it’s physically impossible to pull yourself up off the ground with one arm for a self-lynching.
That IS interesting! What about if you use BOTH arms?
Fashion creations to die for?
Okay Lamar, business hasn’t picked up at all, so I hope you REALLY saved money on today’s fashion show. We’re just about broke.
Don’t worry, Boss, this one is practically a freebie.
Do tell.
For starters, the dress we’re showing was made entirely with 40 starched linen napkins and some super-glue. The model was a really good sport.
I hope this venue you rented wasn’t expensive. It’s kind of giving me the creeps.
I think first model was swollen eyes from an allergy to ugly clothing.
Are you high yet? Snort some more…
Welcome back to our regular feature, Human Remains in the News.
It seems burglars tried snorting the cremated remains of a man and two dogs, taken from a Florida home, in the mistaken belief that the ashes were drugs.
I swear I am not making this up. The ashes were stolen a month ago, along with some other stuff, and police learned about the snorting this week when they arrested five teens in connection with another burglary attempt.
The most amazing thing is, this was only the week’s SECOND BEST story involving human remains.
The best story involved a monk caught at an airport with the remains of a nun in his baggage.
How did Mr. Smooth explain his unusual cargo? He said the remains belonged to a saint.
You know, you sort of have to admire a guy who can think that fast on his feet, especially since it turned out the nun he was carrying died only four years ago.
When they ask you.
if you have anything to declare.
There are very few
who would lie, and so dare…
Mr.Monk was dumb
if not a little brave.
when they discovered the bones,
he sure regretted digging her grave.
“I thought I’d die laughing!”
Quick quiz: These photos show President Barack Obama, former President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton laughing their butts off at…
a) Former President George W. Bush doing a dramatic live reading from his new book, “Decision Points”
b) The Ricky Gervais monologue at the Golden Globes
c) A performance of “Shear Madness,” the zany comedy which has been running for more than 20 years in Washington.
d) A funeral service for Ambassador Richard Holbrooke.
Yeah, this one tricked me, too. Turns out, it WAS the Holbrooke funeral service!
@SPin…ha ha fart jokes. 
@Shra, is a person excused for not laughing at any Ricky Gervais jokes while watching “The Invention of Lying”? Cause really, that movie was downright horrible.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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Robert, I thought the point of this gathering was precisely we could all share our …er…
quirks and… er…peculiarities, and …er… meds! Somebody said tea and doughnuts? Xanax sprinkles and Ritalin filling for me!! Oh, and some nice Earl grey, please!