Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Hey! You want a piece of Joe?

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Blog Guy, it’s been a while since you wrote about those Government Death Panels that Sarah Palin warned us about. I suppose you’ve been frightened off the story, like the rest of the media?

No way. I’ve just been undercover, learning about the organizational structure of the panels.

Structure? The Death Panels need their own bureaucracy?

Sure, this is Washington, DC, right? Death Panels are considered an entitlement program, although most of the recipients would rather not be entitled.

So who’s in charge of them, then?

It goes all the way up to Vice President Joe Biden. He’s in Mongolia this week, learning to kill silently. I’ve seen the photos.

Can I pull the plug during a shutdown?

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COLOMBIA/

Blog Guy, this federal government shutdown has me really worried. I had hoped to get rid of my do-nothing son-in-law, but I wonder if those Government Death Panels will be answering their phones.

Not to worry. Essential services like the military, airport security and Death Panels will continue to operate.

Hang on, we’re goin’ over a bump!

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LIBYA/

Blog Guy, you’ve written a lot about those Government Death Panels. I was wondering, do they have special vehicles I should watch for in case they stop at my house?

Some do, but most of them just travel in their own cars and put in for mileage.

LIBYA/Then how do they carry the weapons they use in their job?

Well, you can hang on to them from the window of a sedan, or if you have rifles you can stick them out the sunroof, er, gun roof.

Well, are you Daddy’s little helper today?

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USA/

Blog Guy, you’ve done a great job of reporting on those Government Death Panels, but how about doing sort of a behind-the-scenes look at their job?

death panels this 320That’s a great idea. We sent a photographer to one of their branch offices, in Nevada, to watch them get ready for a busy day of putting folks out of their misery.

Mr. Custer, a Death Panel wants to see us

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death panels overseas 490 this

Blog Guy, I continue to be impressed that you’re the only blogger giving us comprehensive coverage of those U.S. Government Death Panels that Sarah Palin warned us would be part of health care reform.

mexico army vertical 240I do have a question for you. This is a fairly recent concept, right?

Far from it. Death Panels to relieve suffering are an old idea. A number of countries have tried them.

Good luck will rub off when I shake ‘ands with you…

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Blog Guy, it looks to me like those Government Death Panels you write about still aren’t popular. Is President Obama doing anything to help sell them as part of his health care reform?

obama umbrella 300Sure. I guess you haven’t seen his promotional video based on the classic kids’ movie, “Mary Poppins.”

Hi, we’re the Death Panel! Is now a good time?

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CHINA/

Blog Guy, you’re the only journalist in the country who is seriously covering those Government Death Panels that Sarah Palin warned us about, which were created under health care reform. These things are evil and brutal, and I hope you get a Pulitzer for your work.

CHINA/Thanks, you’re much too kind. I do consider it a majorĀ  story. Did you have a question about the panels?

It’s another razzle-dazzle death!

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POLAND/

Blog Guy, you seem to be the only one really covering those Government Death Panels that were created by the health reform law.

SAUDI-ARABIA/I guess like most federal agencies, they’ve probably settled into a certain predictable sameness by now, right?

It’s quiet, the Death Panel must be reloading

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hunters 1 490

Blog Guy, I’ve appreciated your items on those Government Death Panels that came with the health care reform package. You’re the only one who tells it like it is. I mean, just you and Fox News.

As I understand it, they have to come to our home, right? They can’t do anything in public?

Honey, the Death Panel is here! It’s for you!

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death squads 1

Blog Guy, since the passage of the new health care reform you’ve been great about following the creation of those Government Death Panels that will go door-to-door deciding if we live or die. Is there anything new on them?

Yes, but I need to correct you. They won’t go “door-to-door.” They will visit carefully screened addresses, where somebody sent an e-mail to death@deathpanels.gov to point out that the resident has been sneezing a lot, or walking with a limp or something.