So, Patti, we finally meet! I must say you look different from your Internet photo, but I guess everybody touches up their picture a little, don’t they?

We could have gotten together sooner, but since you have this thing about only going out at night… Amazing that you work all day long, seven days a week. Bummer!

May I say how nice your hair looks, even though, you know, it seems to be drawn on with a Magic Marker. Somebody did a great job of staying in the lines!

I ordered you shrimp scampi. It’s their specialty here, and… Oh. Allergic to garlic? Sorry.

Look Patti, I’ll be frank here. I like you, you like me, why don’t we go back to your place? True Blood is on HBO tonight… Should we stop for some food? Oh, you already did? Say, you’re quite a catch!

It’s mindless, but refreshing! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

A model presents a creation of Bosnian designer Haad in Tirana during Albania Fashion Week, November 8, 2008 REUTERS/Arben Celi

More stuff from oddlly enough

Blog Guy, I know you’ve helped a lot of people with fashion requests.

Well, a bunch of us gals have formed a death squad. You know, nothing fancy, just small assassinations, some vigilante bake sales, Tupperware incursions into blue states, stuff like that.

Of course, we’d like to look good - we’re about being sassy, not slovenly, and we may run into some hunky guys in a male death squad. Any ideas? By the way, don’t even TRY finding out who we are!

Um, did we used to work together? Anyway, have a look at this creation from a fashion show yesterday in Mexico City. It hides your identity, but not your figure. Wait a couple of months, and the outfits will go on sale after the festive holiday death squad parties.

Grow more hair. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Models display creations from XFIT LYCRA’s Spring/Summer 2008/09 collection during Fashion Week Mexico in Mexico City October 22, 2008. REUTERS/Henry Romero

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Quick quiz: the fashion model seen here…

- has the Mother of all Toothaches.

- shows how you can make a swell hat from toilet paper.

- is just learning to tie a turban.

- has a pathological fear of being killed freakishly, like Isadora Duncan.

Facebook Odd Blog Network

A model displays a creation from the Ralph Lauren Spring 2009 collection during Fashion Week in New York, September 12, 2008. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, you’ve covered just about every possible kind of fashion show. I’m not sure there’s anything new they can explore.

There is always something new. For instance, they just had the first-ever underwater fashion show.

Wow! What’s the advantage of that?

Well, you don’t have to pay the models because, well, you know… All you have to do is have a very big net to skim off the models when they eventually float to the surface before the next batch dives in.

But would anybody really watch very attractive, well-dressed drowning people?

Do I really need to answer that? Anyway, there is plenty more to come. There are plans for fashion shows inside an active volcano, in a lion’s den and in a giant shredding machine. Better make sure your cable bill is all paid up!

Underwater fashion slideshow

Australian celebrities pose during the first ever underwater fashion show in Sydney, September 10, 2008. REUTERS photos by Daniel Munoz.

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Memo to design staff: In looking for new demographics for our haute couture, I have exciting news. This fall we’re going after the zombie market!

I know you’re saying, “But Bob, aren’t they kind of creepy?” Well, maybe, but our market research shows that zombies have lots of disposable income. They don’t have to pay for their food because, um, you know what they eat. And they don’t have to pay $4.00 a gallon for gasoline, because they just lurch around for free.

Best of all, we don’t have to create outfits in a whole bunch of different colors. Zombies pretty much stick to basic black and white, kind of like the Amish. NOTE TO SELF: see if there’s an overlapping Amish-zombie market!

Join the Facebook Oddly Enough Network

Models display creations from Argentine designer Pablo Ramirez during Buenos Aires Fashion Week, August 20, 2008. REUTERS/Enrique Marcarian

More stuff from Oddly Enough

So there’s this celebrity chef, see, and he said in a magazine article that a plant called henbane makes an excellent addition to summertime meals.

It’s a great cooking tip, so long as you don’t mind hallucinations, convulsions, vomiting and occasionally death. The chef, Antony Worrall Thompson, apologized, explaining that he had confused henbane with another weed, called fat hen.

On his own website, the chef called it “rather an embarrassing mix up,” and said “Henbane is poisonous and you should not consume it in any way.” He added that there had been no reports of any casualties.

But then again, who knows how many families took his advice and have already sat down to a heaping plate of henbane, croutons and a nice vinaigrette, and haven’t been heard from since?

Join the Facebook Oddly Enough blog network!

Poster: REUTERS/USDA Handout

Screen grab: REUTERS www.awtonline.co.uk

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Okay folks, you’ve been trained for your summer ice cream routes, and today you get your assignments. Herb goes to Pleasantville, Ohio. Joyce gets Maple Grove, Oregon. Earl, you’ go to Najaf, Iraq….

Huh? Oh, didn’t I mention we have routes over there? It gets pretty hot, and after a busy day they like their ice cream just as as much as anybody.

Don’t worry about not speaking their language. Check out the Popsicle site. We’ve got products like Mega Missile WarHeads and Lemon-Lime Shots, flavors like Blue Raspberry Bang and Cola Blast, and descriptive phrases like “Your taste buds will explode.” Don’t worry, our customers have heard those words before.

Related post: Dimwit, you flung the Häagen-Dazs!

An Iraqi Shi’ite militiaman allied with anti-U.S. cleric Moqtada al-Sadr pauses to eat ice cream in the city of Najaf as clashes continued with U.S. forces in the area May 21, 2004. REUTERS/Akram Saleh

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Oh brother, can I pick ‘em or what? On the Internet, this guy seemed so normal, but then I meet him in person…

He told me online he “works with animals.” Yeah. Turns out he tortures them to death!

He also said he’s a snappy dresser. Jeez Louise, he’s got a jacket decorated with 6,000 pieces of unpopped popcorn beaded together! It’ll be fun to see what happens when the intense July sun heats up those kernels out in the bull ring.

At least I had a chance to slather grease all over his sword handle when he wasn’t looking. When he tries poking that thing into some poor bull, Señor Jiffy Pop is in for quite a surprise. 

Spanish bullfighter Jose Prados “El Fundi” adjusts his costume before a bullfight on the eighth day of the San Fermin festival in Pamplona July 13, 2008. REUTERS/Dani Cardona

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Who knew that furniture should have warning labels sort of like the ones they put on cigarettes? We have a story about a wife who was angry at her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up from their folding couch. She kicked the handle, activating the mechanism which, well, killed him. 

When death happens, you like to think it won’t be in such an embarrassing way that some jerky humor blogger will use it.  So how will they write this poor guy’s obit to retain some measure of dignity?

I’ve thought about this, and I’ve told my wife that in the event I die a similar fold-out sofa-related death, here’s what she may truthfully tell our friends: “Oh, Bob died in his convertible!”

A sofa sort of like this, but not with actress Tina Fey on  it. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Updated with video report

Here we are in Beirut, a city that has endured far more than its fair share of war and bloodshed, and we’re going to open a fast-food restaurant. What would be a good theme for it?

I know, how about war! We’ll draw on the natural connection between killing and eating! We can call it Buns and Guns, and we’ll put the tables behind sandbags. We’ll have war relics all over, and the chef can dress in camouflage! Our motto: A sandwich can kill you…

Let’s brainstorm this. Guns don’t kill people, burgers do! Spread the mayo with your bayo! Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, shoot the troops that come to get us! Hey, maybe something about a “Big Mac attack,” unless that’s already been used.

You don’t know which of this stuff I made up, and which is real. Kind of scary, huh?

Buns and Guns slideshow

Customers are seen behind a translucent poster at fast food restaurant “Buns and Guns” in Beirut June 27, 2008. The restaurant’s chef wears a military outfit and its customers sit behind a wall of sandbags. Food is served under the slogan “a sandwich can kill you.” REUTERS/Cynthia Karam

More stuff from Oddly Enough