Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Hey! Follow that orange!

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dutch-faces.jpgThis is a public service warning. If you know any Dutch people, you need to be very, very, careful not to confuse them.

This became obvious after a a bunch of Dutch soccer fans at Euro 2008 followed a Swiss railway worker onto the tracks because they mistook his orange reflective vest for their traditional orange dress. I’m not making this up. It seems the idea that train tracks might be a wacky spot for a soccer match just didn’t occur to them.

The Swiss, not wanting a slaughter that would gum up their tracks with Dutch people and wooden shoes, have now given the railway workers yellow vests.

Meanwhile, if you do know some Dutch people, do NOT let them see you toss an orange shirt into a tank of killer sharks. Don’t even THINK about it!

Now, smoking onstage for your entertainment!

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smoking-2-160.jpgIt may just be a cultural nuance, but our actual caption says this guy is performing at a festival in Sweden.

That seems an odd verb to use, because to me it just looks like he’s lighting a cigarette. That isn’t much of a performance. You can see that outside any office building.

Bye, Beav – do your homework!

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gary-160.jpgBlog Guy,

I’ve read that the most common recurring dream is that one where sitcom stars from years ago are flying off, waving good-bye to Earth. I have that one almost every night, and it’s always Gary Coleman – you know, from Diff’rent Strokes. I wake up with the cold sweats. What about you?

Sure, I have that dream, just like everybody else. But in my version, it’s always the kid from “Leave it to Beaver.” He’s waving at me, and he looks so peaceful.

Enjoy your lavish 38-cent lunch…move along…

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spices-140.jpgThis story puzzles me. A rich 80-year-old widow spent thousands of dollars on a “feast” for 100,000 people, hoping it would please the gods and open the doors of heaven for her. Our story says she spent $37,500 on the lunches.

For starters, there’s the math. It looks to me like she dropped a measly 38 cents per person. Hard to believe that counts as a feast, much less justifies the word “lavish” that local officials used to describe it.

Sold! To the dude with the juicy liver!

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meteorite-160.jpgBlog Guy, I know you’ve written about big auctions. Two weeks ago I saw photos of a Fukang meteorite that was supposed to go for more than $2.25 million at auction, but it didn’t sell. Why not?

People are savvy these days. Thanks to countless educational horror movies, they know the score. You haul this thing home, but it gets cracked on the way. You leave it in the living room and go up to shower. Meanwhile, the crack gets bigger, and out come some hideous creatures looking to devour human livers, and the first one they go for is yours.

Zombie comedy knocks ‘em dead… er, undead

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laughter-face-140.jpgBlog Guy,

My boyfriend says the hottest new thing is zombie comedy clubs. Is this true?

Yes. Just because they’re zombies doesn’t mean they don’t want to be entertained. Indeed, modern zombies make up the largest single demographic for reality TV shows.

Stupid story gets much stupider

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schiller-120.jpgRecently I told you about Friedrich Schiller, the famous German writer. Folks dug up a skull they thought was his, and then 100 years later they dug up another and debated which one was really him.

Then they dug up the remains of his son and grandson for DNA comparisons, and dug up the grandson’s WIFE, because once you start digging up skulls, it’s so hard to stop.

Hmm. If I can’t move, but they can, then…

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snakes-guy-160.jpgSt. Domenico was the patron saint of people bitten by snakes, see, so every year these townspeople thank him by covering his statue with writhing, slithering, fang-showing, tongue-darting snakes.

Then everybody jams themselves so close to the snake-draped statue that they can’t move at all.

Only a model? That’s a crock!

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crock-140.jpgMemo to senior zoo management: The crocodile show opens soon, and we need to be ready. I’ve noticed that our big crocks are pretty dirty, so we really need to spiff them up.

I know our workers don’t like to get inside those jaws and clean out old body parts and crud, so here’s my idea. Tell them these are only MODEL crocodiles, not real ones. Crocks sit really still for long periods, so it could be HOURS before the cleaners find out the hard way…

Rookie, where’s your pillow?

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This is another in the popular series we call “Things Maybe we Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.” Here we have a photo of a dude we’re told is a new police graduate in Iraq, demonstrating his skills by playing dead.

Huh? I don’t think they teach that class to police cadets here, and frankly I’m a little surprised there is a need for it in Iraq.  From what you read, you’d think the police over there would have other stuff to occupy their time.