Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
People say to me all the time, “Bob, your blog is SO stupid, how do you get people to read it?”
These folks don’t understand how online journalism works. You can write anything you want, and if you put a good headline on it people will read it. Especially if you hint at immortality, easy weight loss or better sex.
If your headline offers a numbered list, that’s even better. The best thing of all is a moderately clever play on words, which will attract people who think they are smart, and improve your demographics.
Toss in a photo of a nice dog or the Duchess of Cambridge, and it’s a hit.
Blog Guy, I’m afraid I really pigged out yesterday at Thanksgiving, but I understand a few extra pounds are considered attractive these days.
It’s time for more of our etiquette tips aimed at people who were raised by warthogs in the wild.
Our latest advice is on diet etiquette for the holidays. You know, getting through parties and dinners while keeping both your diet and your friendships intact.
Hey Blog Guy, a couple of days ago you illustrated your piece on high-cholesterol foods with a lot of photos of President Barack Obama with junk food, and you said, “If I want to know what foods I should avoid…I’ll just follow the presidential motorcade.” You were just joking, right?
Maybe, maybe not. That item ran on Monday, so let’s see where the Obama motorcade would have taken us on that very day.
Readers of this blog know I have little patience with “stories” that not only state the obvious, but find it necessary to deliver the information in list form, for folks who are intimidated by paragraphs.
Blog Guy, so we’ve established that you lost some weight recently. I found your health tips helpful, but could you be more specific about what you ate?
So you went on an all-meat diet?
Blog Guy, you seem to have lost some weight, judging from your blog profile photo, and it looks like you’re working out, as well. Please share some health and fitness tips with your readers.
Okay. The first thing is to figure out what you should weigh. There are plenty of free online tools for calculating your Body Mass Index, which is a simple function of your height and weight.
Okay, we already know there are a lot of really stupid people out there, but it may be time to recalibrate my measuring scale.
Blog Guy, I need some of your famous career advice. I want to find a job.
What’s been holding you back, if I might ask?
Well, I’ve had a run of bad luck that left me pretty skinny. First, I fell asleep on the liposuction machine and it ran all night, and then I got a tapeworm….
Gosh. I suppose maybe you could…
I’m not finished with my sad story. Then I got lost in a cave for six weeks without any food. When I finally got out, I was rescued by a weight loss club.
Lamar, we’ve got another big fashion show today. What have you done to cut costs? I’m worried about this rule that we have to have food for the models.
Are you kidding, Boss? That costs us nothing! I just put out the five sliders again.