Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

$2,250? You’re off your trolley!

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Blog Guy, has your Thanksgiving Williams-Sonoma catalog arrived yet? I can’t wait to see what expensive specialty gadgets we need to help us prepare the most traditional meal of all.

Indeed it did arrive, but I confess I stopped at the massive holiday cocktail section and got no further.

Really? What stopped you there?

The invitation to “create a professional bar experience at home.”

They didn’t say that!

I promise you they did, on page 35.

What the hell is a professional bar experience?

I know, right? I always thought it just involved getting really s**t-faced, but apparently there’s a lot more to it.

A professional bar experience at home requires a mahogany Hotel Trolley, just $2,250.00. You really need two of those, so your hammered guests can race them.

Well, time to slap the old vodka bottle!

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Blog Guy, I know you’re an expert on other cultures, and I have a question.

I just heard an Eastern European expression, “slapping the old vodka bottle.” Jeez, I’m really hoping that’s not a euphemism for…

Honey, I’m on my way!

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Blog Guy, you know that place in Siberia you say is the goofiest place on earth? I think you call it Wackytown, and you organize tours there.

Sure. Krasnoyarsk. There’s no other place like it. You should come with us. What are you looking for?

Who’s more fun than drunk people?

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Blog Guy, I’m planning a vacation and I’m looking for ideas. Generally I like to go where I can see a lot of dumbasses.

Really? I guess that’s one way to go. I would highly recommend Ukraine, then.

Have more beer and take your mind off it…

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Lamar, can I talk to you over here for a minute?

Sure, Boss. I guess you’re pretty happy with the client beer party I set up. I think they’re having a great time.

Boy, they’re really knocking back the brews. They’ve been drinking for three hours solid and going through keg after keg. But it’s worth it to keep customers happy.

This gunman goes into a bar, see…

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I’m not sure when our state lawmakers ┬ábegan competing to pass the most wacky weapons laws, ┬ábut it’s getting pretty hard to keep up with them.

To recap, in recent days we’ve seen both Utah and Arizona vote to create official state firearms. Meanwhile, lawmakers in Maine voted to legalize switchblade knives, but only for one-armed residents.

It’s not tricky, tiki isn’t tacky…

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TARTAN WEEK

Blog Guy, now that Donald Trump may run for president, what are you going to do? Will you be caught up short at the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, what with the scarcity of funny photos of Trump?

goofy trump combo 340Are you kidding me? Our only problem will be whether to build a new wing or just a huge annex to display our Trump collection.

And the second-best museum is…

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SWITZERLAND/

Blog Guy, I’m having an argument with my piano tuner’s haberdasher…

SWITZERLAND/My main purpose in life is to settle arguments. What is it?

We were trying to decide on the second-best museum in the world, next to your Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, which we both agree is number one.

Merlot on the go?

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BELARUS/

Blog Guy, like many of your readers I’m looking for a new and interesting career. I like to drive, I like retail work, and I enjoy making people happy. Any ideas?

I may have just the thing. How would you like to drive a van around and stop to sell wine to people?

Bone appetite, everybody!

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skull bowl 490

Okay, the headline on this story, “Ancient Brits ate dead and made skulls into cups,” pretty much says it all. I can’t improve on that.

Perhaps surprisingly, I’m going to skip right over the part about eating the dead. It would just be too easy to compare what British folks ate back then with what they eat now.